walker

Well to kick if all off, I am living with the mother and step dad again, loads of fun. Every chance I get out I get sucked back in because lack of money. Where did the money come from? There was a short time I was I guess a glorified baby sitter for a family friend that lived with us. I had also tried to get a job at a preschool because it had been said I did good work with the kid I was looking after. He was what 3 or 4 and I had him reading. And yes I patted my self on the back for that. I had work for a short time and a preschool where the owners and kids where ok with the long hair fat guy. That lasted a short time though cause the parents didnt think I looked like the kind of people they want around their kids. I told them I could get a hair cut and shave the beard but yeah lovely. The best work ever too, it is so freaking awesome to teach kids and have them really learn something. Though it is a pain to get them to sit still and pay attention in the first place.

For a bit I was sleeping in the my truck. Which wasnt so bad, though I had to ask myself what sucked more. Living in it in the winter or the summer. I think the summer wins because of the heat, at least in the winter I can put more clothing on or get more blankets. But anyway the mom let me back in, Missy was still here at the time but she was being a mooch. No help with rent, food or work around the house. I on the other hand went back to cleaning and cooking which isnt so bad. I ever started to get a say in what food came in so I could practice cooking all kinds of new things. Good times good times. By June an old friend of mine was sleeping in the corner of the unused family room. He was splitting the rent with his mom on a place and they got the boot, she had a place to go but he didnt so he got the futon. He was at least paying rent so the mom thought it time Missy kicked in some money. That didnt go to well but it got to the point where Missy was almost never around cause she hooked up with a guy. She was just using us to store her shit. By mid august everything but her stuff in the garage was gone and my friend was set up in her old room. But things werent so great. The bastard went through jobs left and right. Then he got hooked on hillbilly heroin and was shooting. He also made the mistake of taking my truck without asking a few times. Around the same time cash started vanishing he swore it wasnt him but.yeah. The last straw was when he was out and my step dad called, asked me to pick his wedding ring he left on the table in his room. I was about to when there was someone at the door. After that I had forgotten about it till later and when I went to get it the ring was missing. I have said before I have a bad temper but over the years I had worked hard to control it. In the last year to two years I have lost my cool twice. He was the target of one of those times. He told me a week later when I saw him again he thought I was going to hurt him badly, but I held back because I am still not a fan of hurting people as I would feel guilty after. He found the ring no where close to where it should have been and was moved out the next day. Things are good with him and I at the moment so long as he stays out of my house and stays clean.

The second time I lost my cool in that time was with my father which I have commented about before. We have had our issues. He called me on a day when I was not my most cheerful and chipper. He made a comment to the effect all I care about is money and if I was going to be like that he may as well take out some life insurance and kill himself. Way to go dad cause Id feel great having that hang over my headand anyway they dont pay out on suicides. So yeah everyone on my street could hear my words with him because I had my window at the time and on a clear windless day the cul-de-sac is great for echoes. What I really had said is growing up all I ever wanted was for him to be around not the expensive gifts he was known for giving me.

For this part I will just say private insurance sucks balls. This will be a whole journal on its own at some point.

Keeping me sane through all this was an someone I care a great deal for. I met her almost 4 years ago now. Damn time really moves. Problem is we havent been in the same zip code for a very long time, this makes for a strange relationship. In that time I havent tried hooking up with anyone cause well it just isnt in the cards for me and she went on one date after asking if it was ok with me. She said it went great, till he started trying to get in to her pants and she split after. I guess you could call what we have a relationship but it sucks cause of the distance again. Issues we have

The distance, 6000miles give or take.

Her father wants to kill menot a fan of foreigners.

Jobs and money.

Did I mention the distance?

So my trip over seas has a secret motive. Also in the works is for her to come back to the statesthough she has to bring her mother which is ok cause her mom is awesome sauce and does not want me dead. Hell she even likes me. It would seem when Tara and I met she wasnt in the happiest of places herself.

I am on disability, to quote Mr. Warren Zevon my shits fucked up. I am going to use the money for a couple of things I want the rest is all need. One of the needs is going back to school. And I count one of the wants as a need cause my ass needs to go see Tara something bad, I miss the sound of her laugh and being the one to make her laugh.

Now from the last year or two or how ever long it has been I have walked away with a few things.

Insurance companies suck balls and not in the good way.

I have a much more up beat attitude these days which is a hell of a switch for me.

Having an income rocks and dont fear using the system if you truly need the help and came better yourself with it take it. (I am not a fan of having to be on public assistance. Has to do with being poor growing up)

My mom and I are getting a long a lot better.though it might have something to do with them being in the red and my rent money being a major help.

I am so kicking fats ass though it came back to kick mine while I was a depressed mess.

Things could be worse

found this song when looking back at past what you call it's and i still dig it.