waldo913

The Return of the King was absolutely ah-MAZING. I nearly sat through it twice because A.) I could get away with it because I know everyone who works at the theater, and B.) my ass cheeks had been mollecularly fused to the fabric and festering popcorn refuse of the intensely uncomfortable theater seats.

There was a guy(man? woman? child? Ravenous Bugblatter beast of Traal?) sitting in the back of the theater making noises like this: (and I quote) "KKKKHHHGGGAAAAAAAALLLLLRRRRGGGGGGGGGG..... HURRRRAAAAAAAARRRRCCCHHHHHHH SSSSCHNEEEAAAAAAAAARRRRRRKKK....."

I was almost certain that Gollum himself had somehow escaped the beams of light eminating from the projection room and was slowly, haltingly, yet deftly making his way through the crowded swarm of sweating, shifting, chewing, farting moviegoers and hawking some new virulent biological instrument of death painstakingly into each person's nostrils. (Think SARS crossed with Scarlet Fever, but with more internal bleeding.)

He was kind enough to do this only during segments of the movie which were completely devoid of any sound effect capable of masking any such gutteral outbursts.

I wanted to claw my eyes out.

Other than that, the movie experience was completely stellar. I highly recommend it to anyone even vaguely interested in... anything.