walace

Ello chaps!

So those who follow me on other public forums know basically my personality. I dont like to be negative or make negative posts. I like to try to stay upbeat most of the time. Even though I have lupus, extreme fribromyalgia, tmj, and life my life partially dissabled. I belive that life is not promised and we get to make the most of it and be kind and giving to one another. Well that being said it has been a couple of hard weeks. I feel the need to vent and get it all out and this might be the only appropriate place I can do so with little to no damaging consiquences. So I appologise to anyone who feels the need to roll their eyes and move on. I was not raised to be emotional so i dont personally like it myself but sometimes its healthy. Perhaps this is also more for me than you. So i will try to be brief.



My Mother is a Psychologist and was a proffesor, my Father was a Pastor. (Believe me I'm groaning with you) natural duo? Ha! It didnt last. But while it did I was raised to be completely considerate of other people. Not the usual type where parents half assedly pass on values to keep their kids in check when the occasion calls for it but the kind where if i did not behave it could mean less people, less support, no food on the table and possible homelessness. I was also raised that intellect is the best tool you have. Emotions are troublesome and illogical. Analyze to figure things out and try to remain unbaised and non judgmental at all times.

So where does that leave the adult me? I am completely taken advantage of, chewn up and spit out, and completely missunderstood. Especially by normal everyday americans born into the public educational system. I dont see myself as better. Never do I think that. Nor is my self worth tied into rediculous things outside of who I am on the inside. But I am different. I was raised differently. Most people dont analyze anything they do. Or know why they do things. I analyze everything to death. And I usually know why people do things even if they dont. Which also leads to trouble. Psychology is not a difficult science. But if you are never raised in that environment it can be extremely off putting and a rude awakening. Even if you asked for advice and it was given with love and respect. I dont know everything. Im doing my best in this crazy world same as everyone else. But I'm the bearor of bad news so im kicked into a greecian hole and dispatched with. It's a reacuring theme in my life no matter how much I love people nor how much I do for them. They feel inadiquate which is why they seek my friendship in the first place for advice and unbiased concern and care and then turn on me. This is what happened this past week or so. A friend of many years that i have done anything for and so has my family turned on me and through me out like an old rag with no warning. Repeatedly told me because she was pregnant she was hormonal and was missbehaving with her family by being mean and she was repentant for it. Then I being supportive tried to be as compinsating as possible to even the most ridiculous request like "dont comment on my posts so much it overwhelms me and I don't like it. I want to be left alone because of my condition" okaaay odd and not healthy but okay. Obvious signs of deppression but I didnt say anything. I just said you got it. I was just trying to be supportive. Even after she was sarcastic with me and rude on a public forum. This repeatedly happened. Along with accusations that i was being underhanded in my intentions. It was bazaar. Im incapable of that by the way. I would be mortified if i ever tried to hurt anyone. No one has EVER told me that i was like that. Except a few inlaws but theyve been diagnosed with mental illness and are slightly paranoid. Besides the point. So after weeks of this behavior and I have not seen her in months btw. She tries to call me out on a public forum again and not just me, but MY SON. Who is six. Repeatedly has bought her six year old things with his own money and even gave her son a jacket off his own back when they needed one. We all have bent over backwards for this family. She literally said in front of everyone he has a "filthy mouth" a six year old child. How sick is that? I've never said anything about her son ever. I never would make him a victim or pawn in my wrath. And if he did do something horrible I would tell her privately out of concern without name calling. But never the less being a concerned parent i asked everyone about his behavior. Even his teachers and the staff of his school. NO ONE has had ANY problems with him AT ALL. They say he is the perfect kid. The only word he was said to have used was "hate". Lmao. So I being nice told her that i thought it was best under the circumstances to avoid one another. I was gracious and nice and even said if i did anything to offend her or her family to cause this behavior i apologise. She said "you didnt "do" anything its just your personality, i would explain what that means but it would just be mean so lets leave it at that." I dont even know what to say to that. I told her even i was flaberghasted. Immiturity at its finest. No remorse on her part. She's a victim of "my personality". Yeah. Oh well anyway thats what happened and ive been very nice and kind. Ive respected her despite the foul behavior and she even deleted me on all public forums we share so I have no idea if she has said anything else. At this point i couldnt give a rats ass but anyway it is what is is. We still have to see eachother when we drop the boys off but she avoids us and her husband as well who i have known since i was three btw but who isnt saying anything. My husband has even tried to say hello to him but he was even more awkward then what he usually is. At this point its just an awkward situation and we feel used by these people. I dont know what else to do besides just avoid them. I am worried though that she comes out of it and tries to be friends with me. That's why I wrote this. So I can sleep at night and not worry about it. Lol so at the moment I am melancholy and friendless. All my friends live far away. And it is very hard to meet people when you are dissabled and can't drive. Plus people normally dont want to be friends with people who are complicated. My health makes things very complicated at times. I am glad to be rid of that drama. But it would be nice to have some companionship. To get coffee. To laugh at eachothers jokes. To know there is someone I can call who gets it and wont judge me at my worst. so my question is, is that even possible? Does that sort of thing exsist? I have never found it. And been able to keep it. Im almost Thirty. In three years i will be. It would be nice to find it in my life.


I apologise I know I am long winded. Lol thank you to whoever read it all through. Especially with the spelling errors and sad excuse for grammar. (Lol im on my EVO and it makes everything difficult. Lol sorry guys!) You're a gem. Truly.
Feel free to give me advice. It is much appriciated.

All my love,
Your wee Walace