voltavotary

RE: my last journal entry

i feel like Bif Naked
"Just a moment of weakness
I should examine my head!
Just a moment of weakness
I never meant a word I said!"

ah-well. how embarassing, though; the journal entry and the Bif Naked reference. i feel better now, yet nothing like i did before. im sure ill feel like that again though, cuz it always happens, back and forth, to and fro, etc. ill dig him again and wont be able to be with him, or he'll show me some kind of attention and it wont do him any good... i dont know, its sick. i really do feel it was quite a moment of weakness though, due to the problems that boyfriend and i have been having really. (dont want to give that fuck of a crush too much credit) i hate having a moment of weakness. cuz it still makes me look stupid, even if it is just a moment. it almost makes you look more stupid cuz it is just a moment, so you seem fickle and unstable and stuff, as opposed to if it was a solid belief that you had. ya get me?

boyfriend still pisses me off. a lot. but i do have the most wonderful supplement for the moment: a job that i really enjoy that pays better than the previous one. its so weird to have a job where they treat me like an adult.

speaking of adult, in exactly three months, i will be 21 years old!

gosh, i think my pool is broken. i dont know how to fix it.

ive been spending more time with my best friend lately. she's great. she's so smart and i love her, even though we've had our rough times before. she knows me through and through and loves me too, and she treats me good. i have fun with her, we're kindred spirits... or something... whateva. i need a soda.

p.s.- i took a nap today and had a dream that there was this ghost that wanted me and did me. he resembled Cillian Murphy. mmm... o, weird dream though, huh? why was it a ghost instead of just Cillian Murphy, like, alive? and how can a ghost do you? here he is looking quite alive: