Sometimes when one acts like someone they're not, they can get lost in their character. Sometimes, however, they accidentally give themselves away; a small piece of them exposed for free. Sharing something you never wanted to and feeling awfully lonely because the fake you is all you have to protect yourself, and the real you is so foreign to you that you yourself don't really appreciate it. And yet you have to live your life telling yourself that you need to be protected. One day someone sees you for yourself, and they can't help but love you for you. But being yourself is not part of the plan, it's just something that happened by accident over tea.
You realize how much harder it is to give yourself up to others emotionally, to be an emotional whore to have people pay you for your company. And you realize how much easier it is to give yourself up physically, to lay there and let others violate your body. To smile at the senior and slightly decaying hands touching your lean and young self. You realize that physically, you have more control over yourself than emotionally, and that you want to be the person who you have have avoided your entire life.
You realize that I am no longer referring to you as "one" because you are no longer a whole, you are a half and quarters of a person, but you no longer feel whole. You struggle to buy yourself back from the business, and back from the customers that have bought you all the nice things that you own, you try so hard to be one and not the other, to blend and cover your shiny luster. You try so hard and all it gets you in the end is a bad review, a label of dryness and lacking attention, a label that you created as a shield and a label that will haunt your career.
This shield that you have created this lack of or own personality is so visible that your shield is your harmer, your shield is what hurts you the most and yet you are stuck beneath its weight, its protection- so called. You tell yourself that you can improve, but you are aware that you have had that one intruder and that you never want that to happen again. You want to cover everything beautiful inside yourself because you don't want people falling in love with you; you want people to fall in love with your service.
You begin to think that everything inside yourself that is beautiful is not really that good, until all you are in the inside is ugliness and change, and you are no longer yourself but the fake you. Now you try to fake it like the rest of us hiding your ugliness and attempting to act more like the real you did that long time ago. You call up your intruder but they have already come and gone, uninterested by the new you inside yourself. All you have learned from this is that you once possessed that real genuine inner beauty but now it is just a string of lies and fiction created by yourself like concrete in the street.
They may walk all over you, and you don't really mind, until you crack and the weeds grow there. And then you realize that you are still beautiful, but that you are just different.
You realize how much harder it is to give yourself up to others emotionally, to be an emotional whore to have people pay you for your company. And you realize how much easier it is to give yourself up physically, to lay there and let others violate your body. To smile at the senior and slightly decaying hands touching your lean and young self. You realize that physically, you have more control over yourself than emotionally, and that you want to be the person who you have have avoided your entire life.
You realize that I am no longer referring to you as "one" because you are no longer a whole, you are a half and quarters of a person, but you no longer feel whole. You struggle to buy yourself back from the business, and back from the customers that have bought you all the nice things that you own, you try so hard to be one and not the other, to blend and cover your shiny luster. You try so hard and all it gets you in the end is a bad review, a label of dryness and lacking attention, a label that you created as a shield and a label that will haunt your career.
This shield that you have created this lack of or own personality is so visible that your shield is your harmer, your shield is what hurts you the most and yet you are stuck beneath its weight, its protection- so called. You tell yourself that you can improve, but you are aware that you have had that one intruder and that you never want that to happen again. You want to cover everything beautiful inside yourself because you don't want people falling in love with you; you want people to fall in love with your service.
You begin to think that everything inside yourself that is beautiful is not really that good, until all you are in the inside is ugliness and change, and you are no longer yourself but the fake you. Now you try to fake it like the rest of us hiding your ugliness and attempting to act more like the real you did that long time ago. You call up your intruder but they have already come and gone, uninterested by the new you inside yourself. All you have learned from this is that you once possessed that real genuine inner beauty but now it is just a string of lies and fiction created by yourself like concrete in the street.
They may walk all over you, and you don't really mind, until you crack and the weeds grow there. And then you realize that you are still beautiful, but that you are just different.
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
potts:
o ya eh. what was the hold up
potts:
why do u never write updates. whats goin on in that dirty mind of yours