volatile

Recently, I've been locked in this endless cycle of paranoia and anxiety. I go through this every so often. Every bad thing that happens makes my stomache begin to cramp, my vision blur a little, my breathe get short, and I get this intense feeling that everything is too chaotic and out of control to handle. I think I've been handling it fairly well, though my paranoia is starting to take its toll on me and my relationship. I think my paranoia gets so intense that all trust that was once held shatters, and through no one else's fault but my own. I find it harder and harder to trust anything that anyone says, and they've done nothing to deserve this. I feel the worst for Zack, because though he's done nothing to give me any reason to not trust him, between my current anxiety and preexisting trust issues, he's getting the worst of it. I feel terrible about it. I think I've just gotten really stressed out being so busy with school and work and everything else that's been going on.

I've been working out like a fiend. I'm trying to get into shape. I've started to work out when I'm angry, it helps chill me out and is a productive way to deal with my aggression. Hopefully soon I'll be in shape, and maybe being more comfortable in my skin will help this anxiety. let's hope...

Okay, the Klonopin had definitely kicked in. WORD.