Ugh. I just woke up an hour ago, with 4 hours under my belt. I forgot how bad the morning after is.
I'm looking around my room and its a wreck...and I don't know where yesterday went. I'm hot and im cold and the vessels around the temporal lobes are constricting and its killing me. My hearing goes in waves. My forehead feels as if it has a brick tied to it. It's heavy, cold, cobalt and iron and my pillow is a magnet. This is why I stopped in the first place.
Nicole is yelling at me over the phone. She's telling me I'm an idiot. She's telling me it doesn't matter if I took something to prevent any CHF, it's still dangerous to mix things. It is, but I don't understand---it's okay for you to almost ruin your life and to have my best friend drag you from a gutter barely breathing, but when I party with a few friends and then need to get some work done, it's not okay. I really can't stand hypocrites any longer. I suppose it's hypocritical of me to do these things and preach health, but I don't do them habitually any more, and I reason that I am only young once. This wont become a habit again and fuck you. It's a good sign the only thing I'm craving is water.
Danielle is going to be here in 4 hours. I need to clean this place up and finish my book. She wants to talk some things over and hope to work a few things out. Although I'm fine with everything. The other thing I'm done with is insecurity. Especially other peoples'. I haven't been insecure lately, which is good. I think one thing I gained out of my last relationship was confidence in myself without having to be someone else. It took the destruction of a long-invested friendship, but "you can grow flowers," i suppose. I'm tired of people's insecurities. I know I'm good, and a good person. But stop telling me I'm 'great' and 'perfect' just as an excuse because you don't think you are. I can see it, why can't you? Why can't I help you see it? This is not a problem, though. Large enough to make irrational choices. Well, it is, but it's YOUR problem. Get your shit together, and get back in the game. Or continue aimlessly wandering around, wasting your love. I can help you--I'll be there for you---but you need to ask. And you need to be here. I got to find a civil way to word that in the next 4 hours.
Hope.
Half sincerely,
Your better half.
I'm looking around my room and its a wreck...and I don't know where yesterday went. I'm hot and im cold and the vessels around the temporal lobes are constricting and its killing me. My hearing goes in waves. My forehead feels as if it has a brick tied to it. It's heavy, cold, cobalt and iron and my pillow is a magnet. This is why I stopped in the first place.
Nicole is yelling at me over the phone. She's telling me I'm an idiot. She's telling me it doesn't matter if I took something to prevent any CHF, it's still dangerous to mix things. It is, but I don't understand---it's okay for you to almost ruin your life and to have my best friend drag you from a gutter barely breathing, but when I party with a few friends and then need to get some work done, it's not okay. I really can't stand hypocrites any longer. I suppose it's hypocritical of me to do these things and preach health, but I don't do them habitually any more, and I reason that I am only young once. This wont become a habit again and fuck you. It's a good sign the only thing I'm craving is water.
Danielle is going to be here in 4 hours. I need to clean this place up and finish my book. She wants to talk some things over and hope to work a few things out. Although I'm fine with everything. The other thing I'm done with is insecurity. Especially other peoples'. I haven't been insecure lately, which is good. I think one thing I gained out of my last relationship was confidence in myself without having to be someone else. It took the destruction of a long-invested friendship, but "you can grow flowers," i suppose. I'm tired of people's insecurities. I know I'm good, and a good person. But stop telling me I'm 'great' and 'perfect' just as an excuse because you don't think you are. I can see it, why can't you? Why can't I help you see it? This is not a problem, though. Large enough to make irrational choices. Well, it is, but it's YOUR problem. Get your shit together, and get back in the game. Or continue aimlessly wandering around, wasting your love. I can help you--I'll be there for you---but you need to ask. And you need to be here. I got to find a civil way to word that in the next 4 hours.
Hope.
Half sincerely,
Your better half.
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
gadget:
I was thinking to myself "the bubble story?" and had to go back through my blog to figure it out. I call that the "car chase story".
vmorningnero:
Sounds good.