What do the five following items have in common: a straight razor blade (box cutter style), a goldfish, a guppie, a worm, and a cockroach? If you answered things that Paul has swallowed while drunk, you are correct! We even got the cockroach on video.
If you've read deckwreck's journal, you probably recognize the following story. Deck, my buddy Ronnie, me and a few others went to this party being thrown for our friend. There was only one problem though, Ronnie's ex, who completely fucked him over, was going to be there. Ronnie insisted that I go 'to keep him out of trouble'... why he thought I would be good at this, I don't know. I heartily agree that I should go as artillery and moral support.
We arrive, and things are kinda lame. The music is awful, everyone is standing around in little asocial units which refuse to mingle, the critical mass of drunkeness needed to liven this party up is osofar off in the horizon. Being the grade A partier I am, I start insisting people take shots. Well guess who is the first who wants one.. Ronnie's ex (Jess).
We take a few shots of tequilla, and we are shooting the shit about Tool, and how she likes my new tattoos. All polite and civil like, amazingly. Wishing to further encourage drunkeness, me and my crew organize a Circle of Death round.
Everything is proceeding smoothly, until I go up to get another beer and on the way decide to chug a small glass of vodka. As I sit down, Ronnie catches my eye, and motions his head towards Jess. I nod back towards him, and manage to stand up. It was truly surreal, as my drunken stagger brought me to within arms reach of Jess, the whole party goes completely silent, the stillness of the moment speaks volumes of the mayhem that is about to ensue.
"I really have nothing against this girl, why am I doing this?" I ponder to myself. The answer comes instantly: "Because Ronnie is my boy, and we must stand united against the common front of stupid-bitch-whorism."
My mouth opens.. "I really hate to do this... but...... YOU ARE A FUCKING FILTHY AND WORTHLESS WHORE. (the tears forming in her eyes erase all sense of guilt and egg me on) DO THE GENE POOL OF THE WORLD A FAVOR AND GET AQUAINTED WITH THE TASTE OF 9MM." I feel a tap on my shoulder, I stumble around to face Jess's new boyfriend... who is a 2nd degree blackbelt in some fuckshit martial arts. In a barely controlled whisper he says, "I think you need to shut the fuck up." Then he storms off.
My friends grab me, and we run like hell... only to regroup and leave an equally nasty message on Jess's cell phone a few beers later. Sometimes I think I'm a bad person, but then realize the hilarity that always follows, nipping at my heels, makes it all okay.
If you've read deckwreck's journal, you probably recognize the following story. Deck, my buddy Ronnie, me and a few others went to this party being thrown for our friend. There was only one problem though, Ronnie's ex, who completely fucked him over, was going to be there. Ronnie insisted that I go 'to keep him out of trouble'... why he thought I would be good at this, I don't know. I heartily agree that I should go as artillery and moral support.
We arrive, and things are kinda lame. The music is awful, everyone is standing around in little asocial units which refuse to mingle, the critical mass of drunkeness needed to liven this party up is osofar off in the horizon. Being the grade A partier I am, I start insisting people take shots. Well guess who is the first who wants one.. Ronnie's ex (Jess).
We take a few shots of tequilla, and we are shooting the shit about Tool, and how she likes my new tattoos. All polite and civil like, amazingly. Wishing to further encourage drunkeness, me and my crew organize a Circle of Death round.
Everything is proceeding smoothly, until I go up to get another beer and on the way decide to chug a small glass of vodka. As I sit down, Ronnie catches my eye, and motions his head towards Jess. I nod back towards him, and manage to stand up. It was truly surreal, as my drunken stagger brought me to within arms reach of Jess, the whole party goes completely silent, the stillness of the moment speaks volumes of the mayhem that is about to ensue.
"I really have nothing against this girl, why am I doing this?" I ponder to myself. The answer comes instantly: "Because Ronnie is my boy, and we must stand united against the common front of stupid-bitch-whorism."
My mouth opens.. "I really hate to do this... but...... YOU ARE A FUCKING FILTHY AND WORTHLESS WHORE. (the tears forming in her eyes erase all sense of guilt and egg me on) DO THE GENE POOL OF THE WORLD A FAVOR AND GET AQUAINTED WITH THE TASTE OF 9MM." I feel a tap on my shoulder, I stumble around to face Jess's new boyfriend... who is a 2nd degree blackbelt in some fuckshit martial arts. In a barely controlled whisper he says, "I think you need to shut the fuck up." Then he storms off.
My friends grab me, and we run like hell... only to regroup and leave an equally nasty message on Jess's cell phone a few beers later. Sometimes I think I'm a bad person, but then realize the hilarity that always follows, nipping at my heels, makes it all okay.
seriously.
I saw that video you left in Deck's journal and I ...