most metal entry ever.
top 10 worst black metal pictures of all time..
#10 IT
'T (Abruptum/Ophthalamia) in one of his Via Dolorosa-era photos cleans up in the #10 slot. Does Sweden have Indians? He looks like a fuckin' black metal Comanche! Or better yet, John Rambo. After all, he's in a cave with a large hunting knife, but by the way that thing is glowing, you'd think Orcs were near. Go black metal Frodo, go!'
#9 FENRIZ
'Fenriz (Darkthrone) is probably the most dramatic of all black metal-ers. In almost every choreographed photo, he's either kneeling in the woods, got his arms outstretched, or is looking into the sky, no doubt cursing Jesus for not giving him enough money to record a decent album'
#8 GORGOROTH
'Wait, are those suspenders? Oh, fuck, you gotta be kidding me. And he's got his hair in a ponytail. Not only that, but I beleive he's carrying a scyth. He's a fucking black metal farmer! Jesus Christ this picture is gay. What's up with the hooded avenger in the back? And who is that goliath motherfucker? Holy shit that guy is huge! Don't fuck with Gorgoroth man!'
#7 OLD MAN'S CHILD
'Damn right these guys look old. They're all fucking bald! Did Crowbar turn into a black metal band when I wasn't looking? Apparently baldness has found a niche in the black metal scene. It's ok to be bald if you're in a black metal band because being bald evidently means you are evil. And don't wear your own band's t-shirt to the fucking photo shoot dude, that's just a metal fopaux.'
#6 DARK FUNERAL
'Don't get me wrong, Dark Funeral is the shit. But this photo is not. Actually, I should say they were the shit until David Parland took off. Anyway, Lord Ahriman is fucking fat. Notice his belly hanging out from under the leather daddy vest. His generic, upsidedown cross-shin guards are pretty fucking absurd too. What's up with the bondage theme anyway? How about those chains on the ground? It's obvious that the band is going to tie up and fuck the guy on the left. He's already waiting with his hand on his crotch. Hell, maybe this should have been number five.'
#5 DIMMU BORGIR
'The bald guy makes this picture #5, hands down. This is some serioulsy shoddy corpse-paint on everybody, especially for a photo shoot. Look at the bald guy. Just look at him! Is that supposed to be intimidating? He looks like a fucking alien! As with Cradle of Filth, Dimmu Borgir's pics have gotten more ridiculous with time, i.e., the presence of top- hats, vampire teeth, capes, etc. Terrible!'
that's all for now. i'll give the rest to you next week.
i love bad metal.
dragonforce this wednesday..
'On a cold dark winter night hidden by the stormy light
A battle rages for the right for what will become
In the valley of the damned a warrior with sword in hand
Travels fast across the land for freedom he rides..'
fucking awesome.
top 10 worst black metal pictures of all time..
#10 IT
'T (Abruptum/Ophthalamia) in one of his Via Dolorosa-era photos cleans up in the #10 slot. Does Sweden have Indians? He looks like a fuckin' black metal Comanche! Or better yet, John Rambo. After all, he's in a cave with a large hunting knife, but by the way that thing is glowing, you'd think Orcs were near. Go black metal Frodo, go!'
#9 FENRIZ
'Fenriz (Darkthrone) is probably the most dramatic of all black metal-ers. In almost every choreographed photo, he's either kneeling in the woods, got his arms outstretched, or is looking into the sky, no doubt cursing Jesus for not giving him enough money to record a decent album'
#8 GORGOROTH
'Wait, are those suspenders? Oh, fuck, you gotta be kidding me. And he's got his hair in a ponytail. Not only that, but I beleive he's carrying a scyth. He's a fucking black metal farmer! Jesus Christ this picture is gay. What's up with the hooded avenger in the back? And who is that goliath motherfucker? Holy shit that guy is huge! Don't fuck with Gorgoroth man!'
#7 OLD MAN'S CHILD
'Damn right these guys look old. They're all fucking bald! Did Crowbar turn into a black metal band when I wasn't looking? Apparently baldness has found a niche in the black metal scene. It's ok to be bald if you're in a black metal band because being bald evidently means you are evil. And don't wear your own band's t-shirt to the fucking photo shoot dude, that's just a metal fopaux.'
#6 DARK FUNERAL
'Don't get me wrong, Dark Funeral is the shit. But this photo is not. Actually, I should say they were the shit until David Parland took off. Anyway, Lord Ahriman is fucking fat. Notice his belly hanging out from under the leather daddy vest. His generic, upsidedown cross-shin guards are pretty fucking absurd too. What's up with the bondage theme anyway? How about those chains on the ground? It's obvious that the band is going to tie up and fuck the guy on the left. He's already waiting with his hand on his crotch. Hell, maybe this should have been number five.'
#5 DIMMU BORGIR
'The bald guy makes this picture #5, hands down. This is some serioulsy shoddy corpse-paint on everybody, especially for a photo shoot. Look at the bald guy. Just look at him! Is that supposed to be intimidating? He looks like a fucking alien! As with Cradle of Filth, Dimmu Borgir's pics have gotten more ridiculous with time, i.e., the presence of top- hats, vampire teeth, capes, etc. Terrible!'
that's all for now. i'll give the rest to you next week.
i love bad metal.
dragonforce this wednesday..
'On a cold dark winter night hidden by the stormy light
A battle rages for the right for what will become
In the valley of the damned a warrior with sword in hand
Travels fast across the land for freedom he rides..'
fucking awesome.
VIEW 9 of 9 COMMENTS
lilamysunshine:
It so easily could be metal with the right picture. I'm thinking Jesus with the upside down cross shin guards and the black ^ from the first picture doing a big arm thing while sticking out his tongue.
lilamysunshine:
It so easily could be. But only if the people who are on trial actually giggle during proceedings saying that the Christians should suffer because when the rise of Satan is complete they will all taste his wrath. I'm picturing the Foreigner belt episode from Aqua Teen.