So I think I am a bit overdue here...
2004 was the longest year ever it seems. I think everything bad that could have happened in 365 days did. Family problems, work issues, neverending heartache, betrayal, bankruptcy, sickness, loneliness, and death, to name a few. Alcohol got me through most of it but I was never quite clear whether that helped or made things worse. (I'm sure it was the latter, but I need some excuse to make it ok).
Instead of being dreary, seeing as that was the running theme of last year, I will point out some good times that went on. (Bear with me alot is foggy...)
Here's some pics of Covin's firsts that I previously mentioned that happened last year:
Us bein fairies for the Rennaisance Faire (i'm makin a weird ass face)
Her first onstage performance with
Lennon
The first day of kindergarten (sniff)
Working at the bar had its ups n downs
(the crazy whipped cream night)
But I met Crystal (the wifey) there- who made my year. We had good times with Jim Beam, Finger Eleven, Hed Pe, boy hating, and cat planning.
I got some more ink, and a piercing or two:
A Merry Christmas (First Saturday off all year! And yes Covin got spoiled to all hell) This was Xmas eve at the bar:
and for once a Happy New Year (don't even mention New Years Day though)
So I suppose it wasn't all bad after all. I'll just pretend all the bad stuff didn't happen and not mention it. Cuz hell- it's over- Fuck 2004!!!!!
BUT
The one constant pain that I couldn't shake, and still can't escape, even after all these years, is that hole in my chest that someone left. Who knows if it will ever be filled again. The thought scares me to the point of wanting to throw up. All I am left with is memories, and that is all they are, because the person that left me with them is gone. So whether or not I will ever see him again, and as much as I do cherish the memories (I was never happier), it's time to bury them with the past I am moving on from. After all, how can I go up from here with all that weight holding me down? I have realized I am better than the way I was allowing myself to be treated, just to hold onto that shred of hope that he would return. So one last time- for old times sake.
"I love you, and not in a friendly way... You are the epitome of everything I have ever looked for in another human being..."
"To see you when I wake up is a gift i didn't think could be real, to know that you feel the same as I do is a three fold utopian dream"
"I could break into a million pieces so just run as fast as you can for me- You mean everything..."
"Never thought I'd find my way. always thought I'd run. Impossible as this may seem, I know this is the one..."
"Were just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl..."
"You are the only thing that makes me
want to live at all when i am with you there's no reason to
pretend that when i am with you i feel flames again just put me
inside you i would never ever leave"
"If I traded it all
If I gave it all away for one thing..."
"So youre gone, and I'm here lookin thru pictures I wish would disappear, every excuse to say goodbye, just one more time."
"I miss your skin, subtle touch of ecstasy, and I miss your eyes looking back at me, staring into me, and I miss you lips, the perfect kiss, where nothing else exists..."
"I believe there could be a love so strong that it could transcend death, that it could refuse death, and this soul would not rest until it set things right."
"So I'll wait forever on, for you with you, watch my dreams come true. I know I'll never need another love for me, just you..."
I still see you in my mind
I wish that I could have more time
I know that it will be just fine
All is well now, no need to cry,
I wish that I could hold you one more time, just one more time...
Wish you were here.
And I walk on.
All that aside- on a much related note- SG Chicago- Vday- Delilahs-
Crystal an I will be there cuz
Til then you can catch us at Club 30 West in Frankfort. I DJ a rock set Wednesdays and Thursday nights till 2 am, and bartend on Weekends. Come get drunk with us.
I refuse to let this year suck. Cheers to that.
-Nyx
(this was way too damn long...)
2004 was the longest year ever it seems. I think everything bad that could have happened in 365 days did. Family problems, work issues, neverending heartache, betrayal, bankruptcy, sickness, loneliness, and death, to name a few. Alcohol got me through most of it but I was never quite clear whether that helped or made things worse. (I'm sure it was the latter, but I need some excuse to make it ok).
Instead of being dreary, seeing as that was the running theme of last year, I will point out some good times that went on. (Bear with me alot is foggy...)
Here's some pics of Covin's firsts that I previously mentioned that happened last year:
Us bein fairies for the Rennaisance Faire (i'm makin a weird ass face)
Her first onstage performance with
Lennon
The first day of kindergarten (sniff)
Working at the bar had its ups n downs
(the crazy whipped cream night)
But I met Crystal (the wifey) there- who made my year. We had good times with Jim Beam, Finger Eleven, Hed Pe, boy hating, and cat planning.
I got some more ink, and a piercing or two:
A Merry Christmas (First Saturday off all year! And yes Covin got spoiled to all hell) This was Xmas eve at the bar:
and for once a Happy New Year (don't even mention New Years Day though)
So I suppose it wasn't all bad after all. I'll just pretend all the bad stuff didn't happen and not mention it. Cuz hell- it's over- Fuck 2004!!!!!
BUT
The one constant pain that I couldn't shake, and still can't escape, even after all these years, is that hole in my chest that someone left. Who knows if it will ever be filled again. The thought scares me to the point of wanting to throw up. All I am left with is memories, and that is all they are, because the person that left me with them is gone. So whether or not I will ever see him again, and as much as I do cherish the memories (I was never happier), it's time to bury them with the past I am moving on from. After all, how can I go up from here with all that weight holding me down? I have realized I am better than the way I was allowing myself to be treated, just to hold onto that shred of hope that he would return. So one last time- for old times sake.
"I love you, and not in a friendly way... You are the epitome of everything I have ever looked for in another human being..."
"To see you when I wake up is a gift i didn't think could be real, to know that you feel the same as I do is a three fold utopian dream"
"I could break into a million pieces so just run as fast as you can for me- You mean everything..."
"Never thought I'd find my way. always thought I'd run. Impossible as this may seem, I know this is the one..."
"Were just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl..."
"You are the only thing that makes me
want to live at all when i am with you there's no reason to
pretend that when i am with you i feel flames again just put me
inside you i would never ever leave"
"If I traded it all
If I gave it all away for one thing..."
"So youre gone, and I'm here lookin thru pictures I wish would disappear, every excuse to say goodbye, just one more time."
"I miss your skin, subtle touch of ecstasy, and I miss your eyes looking back at me, staring into me, and I miss you lips, the perfect kiss, where nothing else exists..."
"I believe there could be a love so strong that it could transcend death, that it could refuse death, and this soul would not rest until it set things right."
"So I'll wait forever on, for you with you, watch my dreams come true. I know I'll never need another love for me, just you..."
I still see you in my mind
I wish that I could have more time
I know that it will be just fine
All is well now, no need to cry,
I wish that I could hold you one more time, just one more time...
Wish you were here.
And I walk on.
All that aside- on a much related note- SG Chicago- Vday- Delilahs-
Crystal an I will be there cuz
Til then you can catch us at Club 30 West in Frankfort. I DJ a rock set Wednesdays and Thursday nights till 2 am, and bartend on Weekends. Come get drunk with us.
I refuse to let this year suck. Cheers to that.
-Nyx
(this was way too damn long...)
VIEW 16 of 16 COMMENTS
jayde__:
Thank you, beautiful! 
lostinmusic84:
everyone knows ray......trust me, you dont want to work at discount records, unless you want to lose a passion for music and be very poor. i want a better job that helps me to pay for the apartment and such. i'll make it out that way soon, promises. i'll wait for that trouble. later. 
