vivisection

So these last two days I've been outside in the real world, well atleast I've changed the decor in the scene, now it mostly contains my friend's livingroom with a cpl of other friends. but hey, that's nice, now my concerns are over, well not over... i just ignore the fact that I have problems now. Hehe, i live in denial it seems, well not really. but it doesn't push me down as much as it did so far.

I wonder though how long this masquerade can be kept up to myself. When will reality hunt me down and what will I do.

Though I am trying to get the money from my studies, I wonder how that will turn out though. I could settle for any damn job for about 1 month, well not any job. Allready been there and I am not going down that lane again. Solve it up in a spoon and inject it, that's not far from the truth as my life was a cpl of years ago.

I guess I should be real happy with my life as it is now, I mean I could beat my former problems, why shouldn't I be able to beat it this time? Hmms, I keep asking myself that, and I think I know what the answer would be... those problems didn't involve money... well in one form they did, but not like this.

"like the naked leads the blind I know I am selfish I am unkind..."