so..i found out yesterday that they are giving my dad two weeks to live...what the hell am i supposed to think about that? how am supposed to feel about that? what the fuck? why would a doctor tell someone that? why the hell can't they just let you live not knowing. Now i am trying to figure out when i am headed home. guys i feel like i'm sinking. No matter our differences he is half of the unit that gave me life..and he did raise me (well he worked for the money that raised me). He has tried in the last few years to make things right with me and I really thought I had forgiven him...I think I have but I think I have to learn to tell him and show him I have. I need to learn forgiveness quick. I am scared. I feel sooooo horrible right now. I need to find comfort and peace but I just can't. I just fucking can't. I don't know how to find it or even if I would know what it felt like when i found it. I know this can't be it though. I miss being like 4 years old and never having done any wrong in my dad's eyes. I miss him. I have missed him since I was like 8 or 9. That seems to be when I started acting like my mom and he didn't know how to deal with it. Why couldn't I just stay daddy's little girl forever? Why did I have to dissappoint him with my "gayness" and my "Debra-ness". Why is any of this happening? What the fuck happened to the old days?
cockzombie:
merry christmas to one of the most beautiful women on the internet, inside and out. I suppose I could have copied and pasted a code for a glittery christmas comment, but I wanted you to know how much you meant to me. I hope the new year is good to you.
phoenixgirl:
Oh sweetie, I am so sorry to here that...just try to spend as much time with him as you can...