vitaminaj

So.. My dad is in the hospital again...he is non responsive..As far as I know that means he is in a comatose state. Basically the lights are on..but right now no one is home. Or maybe someone is home and the lights are off...I don't know. I know that I am really worried about what to do. Do I go home? Do I stay here and work? Do I call? Do I pretend I don't care? Do I wait to find out more before I take the time off? I ask myself all these questions and then some...and it makes me wonder. I wonder if I am a bad person for having these thoughts.
Anyone who knows me knows I love my job...but not more than my family. I am just worried that if I run home now I will use up all of my ETO, Vac, and Sick time and when something BIG BIG BIG happens I won't be able to go back.
I will admit that my dad and I have not had the greatest of relationships..When I told him I was gay he told me he didn't have a daughter...I tried to pretend it didn't hurt and I didn't care...It did hurt and I did care. Then he started talkin to me again..like nothing ever happened. I have tried and tried to forgive him. I think I have forgiven even though I get mad about it sometimes..but I just can't forget. Now I am stuck. Stuck in my own guilt and frustration. I love my dad..but I worry that I don't love him the way I am supposed to. I really really worry about this. I really want my dad to feel better, my step mom and little brother need him. I guess on some level I need him too. What's a girl to do?