CW: mental and physical abuse
I’ve been away, and for good reason. I hadn’t been ok. I broke up with my now ex (I’ll address her as my gf in this) back in April after she unexpectedly hit me one night.
We were visiting her friends, me for the first time. We played an assortment of board games, I’m conversing with new friends, overall a pleasant environment. There were us two, five other adults, and three toddler aged kids in an adjacent room. The atmosphere was jocular and hearty, I said something tongue-in-cheek to my gf about beating her in the current round of the game we were playing—then SMACK! She backhanded me, hitting my right cheek, nose, and right eye. This wasn’t a “oh, stop it, you” slap on the shoulder that one might make to another. This was a hit with force that caused pain, but more importantly in this case, shock and confusion.
Upon hitting me, I heard the gasps from the others, as if to wait to see how I’d react. I first look at my gf, she has a playful look on her. Then I hear (my face is covered by my hands—a natural reaction upon being hit) one of the others laugh....then one of the children laugh, because I’m assuming they heard that adult giggle. I realized, by then, that I had a choice: I could cause a scene right there, as I am/was angry, rightfully, about BEING FUCKING HIT BY MY GF, or I could laugh along, literally roll with the punch, and carry on with the evening.
I chose the evening.
It was now about 2100, everyone was winding down, and my gf and I left. When we got into her car, I looked at her and demanded “look at me! Why did you fucking hit me?!” That stupid grin she sported all night went away and answered “well, you told me you liked it.”
What she was referring to was the fact that we had discussed roll play and kinks when fucking. I like to be hit, smacked, scratched, etc during coitus. 🖤I just freaking love it!💜 Anyway, but as I just stated—I like it, BUT during sexual activity. We were not having sex. We were not in a horny mood. We were not preparing for sex nor were we anticipating it. Yet, in front of both adults and children, my gf chose to do an act that was now not a kink, but assault. She thought I would like a sexual act in front of complete strangers—again, I cannot emphasize this enough, both adults and children—knowing that I have severe anxiety meeting new people. Why she thought that was logical? I wish I had an answer.
She dropped me off at her place, as that was where my car was, asked if we were breaking up. I said something along the lines of “I don’t know, likely no,” but I was simply focused on getting home.
To sum it up, we broke up a week later. Her last words spoken to me: “[y]ou won’t find anyone better than me.”
I’ve so much more to type about this, but I’ve given what I can stomach currently. That’s why I’ve been away for some time. Thanks for taking time to read this, if you did. I love you, SG. ☺️
