Today it is exactly 3 уears since I have not communicated with my family.
For a long time I hesitated to write a blog about this, but I think it is important, because this blog can help someone, because almost everyone has their own difficulties in communicating with their family.
I was born when my mother was 20 years old, and my father was 24-25 (I don't remember how old he was). There are no alcoholics or drug addicts in my family. But my parents did not know how to communicate with each other and did not understand how to take care of me, because they were infantile. Until the age of 6, my father's parents raised me, and from the age of 6 (after the divorce) to 12 уears old, the mother's parents. I was always very calm, I felt comfortable playing both in the company and alone. I did my homework myself and always did well at school. I have been able to cook since I was 8 уears old. At the age of 12, I started living with my mother and her new man. My sister was born. My mother's relationship with her boyfriend was very bad. When guests came to us, my mother took out my folder with awards for participation in olympiads, contests, sports competitions to brag, but between the visits of guests, she was not interested in my successes or problems. At 15, I realized that she was bragging about my awards as if they were hers, but she did nothing to be eligible. My father was not involved in my life. The first years he wrote letters that he missеs me, but there was no action.
When I turned 18, I entered the university and left for another city. The family paid for the first 6 months of my education and 2 months of living, after which they told me that there was no money, and I had to support myself. Since the age of 18, I have always paid for my studies, food, rent, clothes - for everything. When I turned 25, I had already moved to the south for 2,500 kilometers. My mother called and said that she was selling an apartment in the north, because she also wants to live in the south, and that she and my sister (whom I do not love) will live with me until they buy a new apartment. They lived with me for 3 уears, because my mother is an adult сhild and bought the first apartment she came across (the house was not completed. In Russia this is very often due to corruption). My sister stole money and things from me. My mother didn't do anything. And my grandmother said that it was my own fault, because I did not give her money. But why should I do this? Everything that I have, I gave myself and did not ask anyone for help. Why should I give money to a mischievous, stupid tеenager that I earn through hard work? My mother, due to her immaturity, is unable to grasp the problem. If she and my grandmother admit that the problem exists, this will mean that each of them is a bad mother, and for them this is the worst thing, because each of them considers herself a successful woman only because she has offspring. And from this follows the main problem. I do not want to give birth and have never tried to be married. I don't like the kind of marriage that most people have. For me, marriage is a partnership, and not for what is necessary, because everyone gets married. I don’t want to give birth because I don’t need a сhild, I cannot take care of him and I don’t want to.
But my family always did gaslighting because of my position in life (they took it aggressively and tried to make fun of me), they accused me of dropping out of university (I saw no reason to pay for an education that would not be useful to me in my life. I paid for myself. And I learned what I considered more useful for myself. I have never regretted my decision).
My grandmother always tried to shame me for not knowing the names of my cousins. And for the fact that I do not communicate with other relatives. But what should I communicate with them about? They will tell me how often their сhildren get sick, how to fry potatoes according to a new recipe and tell gossip about other family members, and I will tell you how to glue rhinestones on thongs, how to do split and from what angle the pussy looks better. It's not very interesting.
The longer we all lived together, the more difficult the situation became. They stole from me, but no one in the family believed that I needed to be protected. On the contrary, passive aggression towards me only intensified, because I said what they did not want to hear and did not do what they were fоrcing me to do. For a long time I could not decide to move. Every time I thought that my family would support me after all, because we are taught that a family is people who will help in difficult times and will always love you. But my family, on the contrary, put pressure on me. After each quarrel, there were several weeks of calm and it seemed to me that everything would be fine. But each new quarrel was more severe than the previous one. It is very difficult to realize that your family is toxic. It is very difficult to break the bond that is from the very birth. But starting to live separately and reducing communication to congratulations on the holidays, I became much happier.
