i feel like a paralyzed bug.
there is one sure thing in this world, and it is a caramel latte from Peet's.
i don't know if im going backwards or forwards in my life. i know that sounds like some kinda cliche meaningful thing to wonder, but seriously, i have this habbit of drinking coffee at around 1am in the morning and falling asleep, and when i go to buy this coffee, i see people on campus, walking around in pj's, looking like the fucking world is their oyster, and they can do whatever they want, where whatever they want, eat whatever they want and whenever they want. the world is theris for the taking. i see people studying late at night, so excited, so intent. there is so much potential and newness, and it makes me feel like all my dreams are fading away. i no longer feel capable, strong or independent. i find myself being a brown-noser. i've realized that fear is the only thing that is keeping me down. i guess the only thing i've realized from Plato, is that any man that claims to know it all, or tries to subordinate others is a man with grave insecurities. i, on the other hand, need to start feeling like the world is mine for the taking and making insanely wonderful goals for myself that seem impossible. i need to feel alive.
i love walking through campus late at night in my pj's, looking at the stars and knowing there are many things to be solved. I feel like im finally coming up for air after holding m breathe under the water for too long. its always nice to come back to yourself and realize that brains were meant to be used. its is way too easy to be jaded by the phonies, the psychophants, the social climbers, the rich daddy's girlies and guys. and, as a very wise woman once said
"there are two ways one can succeed.
one way is to buy your way to the top, and the other is to be incredibly great at what you do. you shoudl be proud, because you're the second one."
and there it is.
no more moping around and selling myself short. everything is political. everything is subjective, even the objective.
yup.
my self pep-talk is surely over now.
goodnight ladies and gents
there is one sure thing in this world, and it is a caramel latte from Peet's.
i don't know if im going backwards or forwards in my life. i know that sounds like some kinda cliche meaningful thing to wonder, but seriously, i have this habbit of drinking coffee at around 1am in the morning and falling asleep, and when i go to buy this coffee, i see people on campus, walking around in pj's, looking like the fucking world is their oyster, and they can do whatever they want, where whatever they want, eat whatever they want and whenever they want. the world is theris for the taking. i see people studying late at night, so excited, so intent. there is so much potential and newness, and it makes me feel like all my dreams are fading away. i no longer feel capable, strong or independent. i find myself being a brown-noser. i've realized that fear is the only thing that is keeping me down. i guess the only thing i've realized from Plato, is that any man that claims to know it all, or tries to subordinate others is a man with grave insecurities. i, on the other hand, need to start feeling like the world is mine for the taking and making insanely wonderful goals for myself that seem impossible. i need to feel alive.
i love walking through campus late at night in my pj's, looking at the stars and knowing there are many things to be solved. I feel like im finally coming up for air after holding m breathe under the water for too long. its always nice to come back to yourself and realize that brains were meant to be used. its is way too easy to be jaded by the phonies, the psychophants, the social climbers, the rich daddy's girlies and guys. and, as a very wise woman once said
"there are two ways one can succeed.
one way is to buy your way to the top, and the other is to be incredibly great at what you do. you shoudl be proud, because you're the second one."
and there it is.
no more moping around and selling myself short. everything is political. everything is subjective, even the objective.
yup.
my self pep-talk is surely over now.
goodnight ladies and gents
that entry rocked!
it had everything i could ask for: a coffee-theme, stars, pjs, a life-filled-campus, a powerful sense of alienation and questioning, wonder, a hidden sense of hope.
bravo!!