vinegarvalentine

Ahh another show another morning waking with blood stained hands and sore oysters!


There Is something quite brilliant about playing to a room of non believers and forcing them to love you or despise even more. The hate can be as wonderful as the love it makes you burn with this extra energy to offend- like pour hot wax allover that spastic moths head, (albeit he is in the love ring but, the horror on their faces when I writhed and spun up in their noses! They thought the wax was going on them! No only blood soaked bible pages and dollies innards. After the show kids actually helped us clean and begged for bits of bible, all of which Walter blessed and I kissed. I had to keep applying my lipstick. And some fine fellow from GIANT BAT gave me a huge piece of black ribbon. It smelt like yummied pipe tobacco, like a grandfather. Oh grandfather clock. I find love and friendship in inanimate objects like when I was a child! Oh bear! This giant polar bear that sat so I could sit on his lap and have him hug me the bear was my parent and my friends. how I would sit and cry in his arms he never hit or told me the awful nature of my ways. Never ugly or a loser to him. Never strange and outcast. Never a bother or a noise maker. he never chased me with poop on a stick, told me I had to take of my cloths if I wanted to play, chased me with a belt or a brush or locked me in the basement With the spiders and no lights. Never made me stay in the dress I pissed in. PUNISHMENT!. How perfect we must have appeared how rotten on the core. Damn the kids in my neighborhood, damn ma and pa (now can you really blame them? They were sososososo young! And their parents are just as wretched as they were, if not worse. And they were all coked out. All victims of their childhoods and unprotected sex!)

Hahahaha do you remember the tears you cried when father took bear friend away because you were to old for toys? Or the thwacks to the back of your neck when you appeared sad. (It would be years until you fought back-remember when you snapped and attacked him? Claws and slaps and tears sure he won that battle with a phone to the mouth, but you you hit back! ). And then wandering threw the woods, after the snow and in the melting spring and you came across bears corpse all mold and torn and wet and mud and leaves, and you hugged him. Bear is always in your head.


fuck this was supposed to be a manic happy entry!!!! how you get on these rants...

Haha I am chaos the seed pushing against the shit and the dirt erupting in this beautiful poisonous flower.

~mary~