Like an attention-seeking hobag, I asked Ianreg to tag me because I had nothing to write in my journal.
So while I work my way through a bag of Taylor's of Harrogate's Lazy Sunday coffee I filled in these for your scrutiny. And next I'd like Carmady,godofinadequacy, Stew, Zooxanthelle, 1punk, Tempest,Nic, Manko and Dexy to do the same. I don't suppose many of them will.
1. As *nsync would say, God must have spent a little more time on you. What, exactly, did God spend more time on?
Hell, the good Lord spent plenty of time trying to sort out my issues for me, but even He couldnt make head nor tail.
2. If you had to start your own war against something, what would it be and why? Also, what would the protestors do in protest, to show they think your war is evil?
The only war Id fight in would be the one waged by sex radicals to bring about massive change on a social level, in favour of gender and sexual fluidity and diversity. We would be protested against by those opposing homosexuality, and those insisting on monogamy, anyone who dont like pornography, who dont like men dressed as women, who dont want women having as much sexual freedom as men, and who dont think anyone naturally has any sexual instincts before the age of 14. Or whatever.
3. In the movie of your life, who would play you and who would play your lover?
We would both be played by unknowns, so that people in the audience could gasp afresh and say, I cant believe how hot that actor/actress is!
Besides, I have no current lover, and no actor in the whole of bland Hollywood has the suave or the sauce to play the kind of guy Id like.
4. What flavor of diet coke do you next want?
Look at me, do I look like the kind of person who drinks flavoured diet coke?
5. Insert picture of what you think is the best.hair.ever.
Osadia are a hairdressing duo from Barcelona. Their name being the Spanish for daring, they travel the world staging trippy performances in which they pluck people off the street, strap them down to a barbers chair and turn them into works of art. They speak not a word during all of this, and when they appear in public, to a soundtrack of trance-remixed classical music, they usually strike fear into the hearts of all who have never seen them before and are wondering who or what - the fuck they are. Once youve seen them in action, of course, you understand what an honour it is for them to beckon creepily to you with a spray-can in one hand and a metre of metal wire in the other.
Heres a really shit quality picture of the first time they did my hair.
Visit them at www.osadiaonline.com
6. If girls had penises and boys had vaginas, who would you date/fuck?
If girls had penises who wouldnt I fuck?? Id have my way with Christina Aguilera if I had a penis, and Ludivigne Sagnier too. A below-mentioned friend could easily seduce me if she had a penis. Id do Stormy anyway. If boys had vaginasno, man, thats weird.
7. Have you ever farted in public? if so, what were the circumstances?
I really cant think of an occasion when I did. If you want to catch me out in a moment of inelegance, youll have to read the puke and run story below.
8. Tell one crazy I cant believe how drunk I was story.
They usually involve washing my contact lenses down the drain.
9. Ideal Christmas stocking?
Plane tickets to take me to Italy and fly me between its marvellous cities. A recording of music by Lamar Chase, Amsterdams leading Blues Man. (Word.) Bottle or two of champagne, and some of those flutes from Swarovski to drink them out of. The really slender ones with hundreds of silver crystal chips inside the stems of the glass. Something relating to Question 2, I think. Um..think, think. Well, I guess that would have more to do with who delivered the stocking. (shrug)
10. Who is Britney Spears soul mate?
If she dont know, how the fuck should I?
11. What is the one book you think everyone should read?
unno, maybe Public Sex: The Culture of Radical Sex by Pat Califia.
Im of the opinion that if youre into Harry Potter and think that The Goblet of Fire is the best in the series, you might re-read The Order of The Phoenix and see that its so much more suave. Finally, reading Truman Capotes novella, Breakfast at Tiffanys, cant be a bad way to pass a couple of hours.
12. At your heaviest, how much did you weigh? Liar.
I put on weight in the summer of my A-levels due to not having to go to school obviously and thus endless days of bacon-and-chocolate breakfasts, taking place at 3pm. Then when I left home for university, I missed my friend Cat, and I found everyone in my Halls of Residence extremely straight-laced and unadventurous, which was NOT what you expect when you come to uni, dude. So I comfort-ate and binge-drank and at my vastest I am forced to admit I was nearly wait for it 9 stones. So kiss my ass, bitch.
13. Ever puked and run? Tell us your story, then join our club.
Im really glad you asked this. Spring 2003, my housemates and I were making a visit to our usual Wednesday night haunt, Sticky-floor Snobs. We had a few drinks in a local pub where the three of us householders met up with two other mates and two middle-aged lecturers who, it was no secret, worked at the university so that they could continue to live like students and hit on first years. First vodka and coke down in Snobs and my stomach really started to hurt. Fuck! I sloped off to sit on my own in the 60s room to recover but the pain got worse, I started to feel sick and faint. Realisation dawns that the microwave lasagne I ate before coming out tonight might not have been microwave-compatible after all. FUUUUCK. I stumbled through to the next room, sweating, found the Rawsmeister and told her I was sick and had to leave. I shouldnt have taken this detour because as I turned to leave the projectile vomiting began. I must have puked fifty lasagnes that night, and splattered them all on the foyer walls like a piece of modern art. A big black bouncer swooped upon me and I was literally dragged by one arm and the scruff of my neck, up the stairs as I vomited on every.single.step on the way. The door staff were very kind to me and once Id purged the rest of my guts on the pavement (, my boots, a flower bed, and the gutter), they let me back inside because they could see I wasnt drunk!!! All I wanted to do was get my coat from the cloakroom and leave, but I got waylaid by my lecturer friend on the way out for the second time. Youre not leaving. I dont believe you. I thought later on, you know, we could dance and talk crazy I was standing in front of him, vomit dripping from the ends of my hair to the toes of my boots, and he.didnt.notice. That dude was a legend. I wonder what became of him.
14. Tell one too tired to finish masturbating story, then join our club.
It happens. I dont have a particular story.
15. Insert your favorite cute/cuddly picture (just to make us smile).
Cute.
16. If you cooked a dinner for someone you were head over heels in love with, what would you cook?
Well, you know, I guess whatever they wanted. But if you want to know what Im good at making, I can do some cute little cheddar and cumin seed tartlets, a respectable spaghetti carbonara, Bolognese, or something involving steak, and a devilish dark chocolate truffle.
17. If you had to write something on your forehead and walk around with it all day, what would it be?
SG.
18. What is your favorite piece of art, and would you please post a picture of it below?
Im fond of Van Goghs Caf Terrace. But let me say this is a terrible reproduction of it.
19. Would you have sex with Xena, Warrior Princess? What would it be like? Also, if you said no, are you crazy? What are your reasons for declining?
Hell, no; are YOU crazy?
20. Whats your favorite animal? show us.
This is Tijum, the Red Panda. I didnt mean for the image to be so small.
This is Nanga, the Snow Leopard.
And this is Tiggy the cat.
21. If you were a color, what color would you be? Why?
Well. In the special photos you can have taken at Psychic Fayres, my *aura* appears to be mainly red, with swathes of shocking pink and pale yellow, and occasional appearances of purple. Purple is the interest in mysticism, but you have to be actively doing a lot of spiritual work which I havent for ages to turn it white. Yellow means a keen intellect and natural teaching ability. The bright pink would suggest a love of fun and wild parties, frivolity, a total lack of interest in settling down and I might say an element of vanity. But the red, ah the red, can indicate anything including single-minded creativity, rampant lust and a violent temper, so be aware how quickly my aura can turn to the colour of YOUR BLOOD.
I think its been predominantly red in the last few years because most of the time I dont know what to do with myself. When I get myself sorted then the colours will be a little morebalanced. ;-)
22. What turns you on? If it involves a ball gag, please describe.
See Member Profile. Also, peoples eyes when theyre full of mischievous intent.
23. On a scale of 1 to 10, how dumb is it to decline the above question by answering 'that's too personal' ?
8, given that if youre on this site youve probably already filled in the Makes Me Hot section of the Member Profile.
24. Why are ball gags sexy?
Is this like the wolf-bagging thing where you get a plastic bag full of rancid meat, gag someone with it til they retch and then do them up the arse while their muscles are unclenched?
25. Do you have any personal opinions on ice trays?
No.
26. What's the most painful thing you've ever had done to you/done to another person during sex?
Uh.I think that might be too personal. Actually, I dont think it was a specific activity out of the ordinary. I think the guy was just being a little extra rough.
27. If you had to be stranded for the rest of your life on a desert island and pick one person to go with you, would you pick someone you could really talk to or someone who gave you the best sex of your life? If you say both, youre a fucking whore.
I dont know.
28. What is the biggest insult someone could tell you?
While I was at university, people often regarded me as quite the uptight middle-class bore, which was really offensive because I felt I was surrounded by uptight middle-class bores! These days, Im more wary of the psycho man-eating hose-beast tag. Its funny how peoples opinions can take such a U-turn. Mind you, one girl accused me of stealing her boyfriend and, indeed, sleeping with half the male population of South Birmingham when Id only been at uni three weeks or so. This was funny because throughout school and sixth form everyone knew that I was a lesbian. I will say that the girl in question here was roundly agreed to be crazy, and her particular opinion of me was not one that was given much public credit.
29. If you were/are a big dyke, would you wear the strap on or would your partner?
Um. I guess my partner. Because if I was going to be making with the penetrating, Id sort of want it to be with a real penis. I dont know. I dont mind experimenting.
30. 15. Write down three true facts, and one lie. Don't tell us which one is the lie.
I love this game.
1. I had a short story published when I was eleven.
2. I have danced in the professional ballet.
3. I have worked as a catwalk and photographic model, and
4. I had a walk-on part in a film starring Ewan McGregor.
I made this the last question so that you would all remember to post comments guessing which was the big fat lie. So go on then.
OH! But Id just like to end this by adding one more question.
31. What song lyric best encapsulates (hell, with words like that in my vocab, you cant say I took a degree for nothing) your life? And mine is a lyric from Speedway, by Mr Morrissey. All of the rumours keeping me grounded/I never said, I never said, that they were *completely* unfounded.
So while I work my way through a bag of Taylor's of Harrogate's Lazy Sunday coffee I filled in these for your scrutiny. And next I'd like Carmady,godofinadequacy, Stew, Zooxanthelle, 1punk, Tempest,Nic, Manko and Dexy to do the same. I don't suppose many of them will.
1. As *nsync would say, God must have spent a little more time on you. What, exactly, did God spend more time on?
Hell, the good Lord spent plenty of time trying to sort out my issues for me, but even He couldnt make head nor tail.
2. If you had to start your own war against something, what would it be and why? Also, what would the protestors do in protest, to show they think your war is evil?
The only war Id fight in would be the one waged by sex radicals to bring about massive change on a social level, in favour of gender and sexual fluidity and diversity. We would be protested against by those opposing homosexuality, and those insisting on monogamy, anyone who dont like pornography, who dont like men dressed as women, who dont want women having as much sexual freedom as men, and who dont think anyone naturally has any sexual instincts before the age of 14. Or whatever.
3. In the movie of your life, who would play you and who would play your lover?
We would both be played by unknowns, so that people in the audience could gasp afresh and say, I cant believe how hot that actor/actress is!
Besides, I have no current lover, and no actor in the whole of bland Hollywood has the suave or the sauce to play the kind of guy Id like.
4. What flavor of diet coke do you next want?
Look at me, do I look like the kind of person who drinks flavoured diet coke?
5. Insert picture of what you think is the best.hair.ever.
Osadia are a hairdressing duo from Barcelona. Their name being the Spanish for daring, they travel the world staging trippy performances in which they pluck people off the street, strap them down to a barbers chair and turn them into works of art. They speak not a word during all of this, and when they appear in public, to a soundtrack of trance-remixed classical music, they usually strike fear into the hearts of all who have never seen them before and are wondering who or what - the fuck they are. Once youve seen them in action, of course, you understand what an honour it is for them to beckon creepily to you with a spray-can in one hand and a metre of metal wire in the other.
Heres a really shit quality picture of the first time they did my hair.
Visit them at www.osadiaonline.com
6. If girls had penises and boys had vaginas, who would you date/fuck?
If girls had penises who wouldnt I fuck?? Id have my way with Christina Aguilera if I had a penis, and Ludivigne Sagnier too. A below-mentioned friend could easily seduce me if she had a penis. Id do Stormy anyway. If boys had vaginasno, man, thats weird.
7. Have you ever farted in public? if so, what were the circumstances?
I really cant think of an occasion when I did. If you want to catch me out in a moment of inelegance, youll have to read the puke and run story below.
8. Tell one crazy I cant believe how drunk I was story.
They usually involve washing my contact lenses down the drain.
9. Ideal Christmas stocking?
Plane tickets to take me to Italy and fly me between its marvellous cities. A recording of music by Lamar Chase, Amsterdams leading Blues Man. (Word.) Bottle or two of champagne, and some of those flutes from Swarovski to drink them out of. The really slender ones with hundreds of silver crystal chips inside the stems of the glass. Something relating to Question 2, I think. Um..think, think. Well, I guess that would have more to do with who delivered the stocking. (shrug)
10. Who is Britney Spears soul mate?
If she dont know, how the fuck should I?
11. What is the one book you think everyone should read?
unno, maybe Public Sex: The Culture of Radical Sex by Pat Califia.
Im of the opinion that if youre into Harry Potter and think that The Goblet of Fire is the best in the series, you might re-read The Order of The Phoenix and see that its so much more suave. Finally, reading Truman Capotes novella, Breakfast at Tiffanys, cant be a bad way to pass a couple of hours.
12. At your heaviest, how much did you weigh? Liar.
I put on weight in the summer of my A-levels due to not having to go to school obviously and thus endless days of bacon-and-chocolate breakfasts, taking place at 3pm. Then when I left home for university, I missed my friend Cat, and I found everyone in my Halls of Residence extremely straight-laced and unadventurous, which was NOT what you expect when you come to uni, dude. So I comfort-ate and binge-drank and at my vastest I am forced to admit I was nearly wait for it 9 stones. So kiss my ass, bitch.
13. Ever puked and run? Tell us your story, then join our club.
Im really glad you asked this. Spring 2003, my housemates and I were making a visit to our usual Wednesday night haunt, Sticky-floor Snobs. We had a few drinks in a local pub where the three of us householders met up with two other mates and two middle-aged lecturers who, it was no secret, worked at the university so that they could continue to live like students and hit on first years. First vodka and coke down in Snobs and my stomach really started to hurt. Fuck! I sloped off to sit on my own in the 60s room to recover but the pain got worse, I started to feel sick and faint. Realisation dawns that the microwave lasagne I ate before coming out tonight might not have been microwave-compatible after all. FUUUUCK. I stumbled through to the next room, sweating, found the Rawsmeister and told her I was sick and had to leave. I shouldnt have taken this detour because as I turned to leave the projectile vomiting began. I must have puked fifty lasagnes that night, and splattered them all on the foyer walls like a piece of modern art. A big black bouncer swooped upon me and I was literally dragged by one arm and the scruff of my neck, up the stairs as I vomited on every.single.step on the way. The door staff were very kind to me and once Id purged the rest of my guts on the pavement (, my boots, a flower bed, and the gutter), they let me back inside because they could see I wasnt drunk!!! All I wanted to do was get my coat from the cloakroom and leave, but I got waylaid by my lecturer friend on the way out for the second time. Youre not leaving. I dont believe you. I thought later on, you know, we could dance and talk crazy I was standing in front of him, vomit dripping from the ends of my hair to the toes of my boots, and he.didnt.notice. That dude was a legend. I wonder what became of him.
14. Tell one too tired to finish masturbating story, then join our club.
It happens. I dont have a particular story.
15. Insert your favorite cute/cuddly picture (just to make us smile).
Cute.
16. If you cooked a dinner for someone you were head over heels in love with, what would you cook?
Well, you know, I guess whatever they wanted. But if you want to know what Im good at making, I can do some cute little cheddar and cumin seed tartlets, a respectable spaghetti carbonara, Bolognese, or something involving steak, and a devilish dark chocolate truffle.
17. If you had to write something on your forehead and walk around with it all day, what would it be?
SG.
18. What is your favorite piece of art, and would you please post a picture of it below?
Im fond of Van Goghs Caf Terrace. But let me say this is a terrible reproduction of it.
19. Would you have sex with Xena, Warrior Princess? What would it be like? Also, if you said no, are you crazy? What are your reasons for declining?
Hell, no; are YOU crazy?
20. Whats your favorite animal? show us.
This is Tijum, the Red Panda. I didnt mean for the image to be so small.
This is Nanga, the Snow Leopard.
And this is Tiggy the cat.
21. If you were a color, what color would you be? Why?
Well. In the special photos you can have taken at Psychic Fayres, my *aura* appears to be mainly red, with swathes of shocking pink and pale yellow, and occasional appearances of purple. Purple is the interest in mysticism, but you have to be actively doing a lot of spiritual work which I havent for ages to turn it white. Yellow means a keen intellect and natural teaching ability. The bright pink would suggest a love of fun and wild parties, frivolity, a total lack of interest in settling down and I might say an element of vanity. But the red, ah the red, can indicate anything including single-minded creativity, rampant lust and a violent temper, so be aware how quickly my aura can turn to the colour of YOUR BLOOD.
I think its been predominantly red in the last few years because most of the time I dont know what to do with myself. When I get myself sorted then the colours will be a little morebalanced. ;-)
22. What turns you on? If it involves a ball gag, please describe.
See Member Profile. Also, peoples eyes when theyre full of mischievous intent.
23. On a scale of 1 to 10, how dumb is it to decline the above question by answering 'that's too personal' ?
8, given that if youre on this site youve probably already filled in the Makes Me Hot section of the Member Profile.
24. Why are ball gags sexy?
Is this like the wolf-bagging thing where you get a plastic bag full of rancid meat, gag someone with it til they retch and then do them up the arse while their muscles are unclenched?
25. Do you have any personal opinions on ice trays?
No.
26. What's the most painful thing you've ever had done to you/done to another person during sex?
Uh.I think that might be too personal. Actually, I dont think it was a specific activity out of the ordinary. I think the guy was just being a little extra rough.
27. If you had to be stranded for the rest of your life on a desert island and pick one person to go with you, would you pick someone you could really talk to or someone who gave you the best sex of your life? If you say both, youre a fucking whore.
I dont know.
28. What is the biggest insult someone could tell you?
While I was at university, people often regarded me as quite the uptight middle-class bore, which was really offensive because I felt I was surrounded by uptight middle-class bores! These days, Im more wary of the psycho man-eating hose-beast tag. Its funny how peoples opinions can take such a U-turn.
Mind you, one girl accused me of stealing her boyfriend and, indeed, sleeping with half the male population of South Birmingham when Id only been at uni three weeks or so. This was funny because throughout school and sixth form everyone knew that I was a lesbian. I will say that the girl in question here was roundly agreed to be crazy, and her particular opinion of me was not one that was given much public credit.
29. If you were/are a big dyke, would you wear the strap on or would your partner?
Um. I guess my partner. Because if I was going to be making with the penetrating, Id sort of want it to be with a real penis. I dont know. I dont mind experimenting.
30. 15. Write down three true facts, and one lie. Don't tell us which one is the lie.
I love this game.
1. I had a short story published when I was eleven.
2. I have danced in the professional ballet.
3. I have worked as a catwalk and photographic model, and
4. I had a walk-on part in a film starring Ewan McGregor.
I made this the last question so that you would all remember to post comments guessing which was the big fat lie. So go on then.
OH! But Id just like to end this by adding one more question.
31. What song lyric best encapsulates (hell, with words like that in my vocab, you cant say I took a degree for nothing) your life? And mine is a lyric from Speedway, by Mr Morrissey. All of the rumours keeping me grounded/I never said, I never said, that they were *completely* unfounded.
VIEW 15 of 15 COMMENTS
When I was 18, I was heavily left and moderately libertarian. Last week, I was heavily libertarian - and just noticeably further to the right. (:raised eyebrow icon: ) Are you worried?
Depends entirely on just how far left you were to start of with, I guess! Fear drift in the south-ease quadrangle
but about you calling me a tart..
Not necessarily calling you a tart, the tart is just the owner of the knapsack....not really calling you a knapsack either tho.... Damnit. Just liked the sound of Tart's Knapsack and I got to work in smock for you too.
Spaghetti carbonara is aparently a damn good seduction choice, as it relaxes your prey, er partner, helps release endorphins, and other such stuffs. (It was a while since I read that article, okay? Low on remembered detail.)
[Edited on Jan 09, 2006 11:41PM]