Hello! Nice to see you all again! I can't believe how long it took my new set Jezinka to come out. But I like it! Its dark and foresty and gothy and weird. :)
LOL look at my creepy veiny man-hands...
I'm wearing my favourite boots and a tonne of necklaces.
It was shot in a forest in Portugal near Lisbon. In that last picture I've just put up, above ^ you can see an upside down ship tattoo, with 2 ravens, the symbol of Lisbon. I got it with almost all the girls who went. In some ways I felt like part of a club, while I was there, and in some ways I felt more of a loner outsider weirder than ever. "If I can't connect with these humans, probably the group of people I can most relate to and am most similar to in the whole world, who the fuck am I ever going to be in a girlgang with?" I thought to myself. Its true I met some AWESOME girls, and we had nice chats, and I am in no way denying their awesomeness. I just think I'm not very good at socialising in big groups. I'm a big introvert. People freak me out. I spent a lot of time alone. I felt lonely a lot. I went on adventures by myself and drank a lot of wine. It was OK. I loved the city - Lisbon is awesome and I recommend you visit if you get the chance. The weight of my heart was heavy - it felt raw, like it was right out on the surface, like super meat boy or something. Travelling alone is great, but at the same time, it hurts like hell. Its not that I'm hugely shy, I can strike up a conversation. I don't know. Anyone else feel like this????
But I still wouldn't change the experience for the world. A dark little jewel in my memory photo book. This set's tone isn't far off from those feelings.
Its been nearly a year since I started exercising regularly, (my 1 yr anniversary will be end of April... not sure how I'm going to celebrate yet. Wine? New workout gear? Protein bars?) something I'd never done before. I got fatter than you see in the set above, and I decided to take action. It started out based on "arghr I can't spend each+very morning trying to find clothes to hide my body anymore" - which I think is fair enough - and ended up being abut a lot more than that. I came for the beach body, I stayed for a million different reasons. Health and looking after myself! (I take vitamins now too, I think they might work.) Eating well, and learning to like healthier foods. Getting physically stronger. Getting ill less. Getting little arm muscles - I have mini guns!!! Being part of a group. Being with women in a space. Being competitive with myself. Potentially living longer. Adding some structure and routine to my life. Making friends (its true, I did it!). Feeling achievement when I do more pushups / lift the heavier weights, etc. Having more energy. Having a reason to buy crazy leggings. And that thing about feeling happier after exercise - it finally started to come true! (I always thought that was a myth.) Getting abs (kinda hidden under a small quantity of blubber, but you better believe under there I am RIPPED). And it all leads up to, not disliking my body (kind of the initial reason), feeling good in wearing whatever, and not really feeling guilty when I just decide to eat all of the things (because hey I work out now, so its not like its gonna be that bad), but also not wanting to eat all of the things, as often as I used to, in general.
Being happier and living longer are probably the best reasons, with (feeling like I am) looking hot a close third. And the leggings are 4th. I just got these!
From eBay, they were like £4 inc shipping, I think they're Black Milk ripoffs or something, LOVE THEM.
None of you need to say anything like, don't worry, you don't need to work out, you're already hot! Because A. You don't know! You didn't see! I didn't show you those pictures! B. Working out is something I will decide to do if I want to, for me, not because a bunch of internetians or real life people told me to or didn't tell me not to or whatever. (PS I love you internetians. I am an internetian too.) C. My self esteem is secure, fear not.
I hope you're all good. Easter soon. I made my own healthier version of chocolate a while ago with cacao powder and coconut oil, so I might do that again, it was yum. Honestly! I am a chocolateer, I would not lie to you. (I mean I like chocolate and making up words.) Maybe I'll show you the recipe next blog.
Tell me if you are also a weirdo loner, and if you have upcoming easter plans, easter-related or otherwise?
Lots of love,
Internetian Chocolateer,
Viking xxx
