This month I decided to get fit! Because of the bank holiday I did 2 days in a row which was hard! I'm gonna do Monday, Wednesday and Friday normally. It was super hard doing 2 days in a row, because I was really achey from day 1. I was gonna do mornings but ended up switching to evening on Wednesday to allow my body to recover a little. I wasn't even sure I should go but my trainer said it would be OK - I wasn't going to injure myself. I had DOMS, and actually if I keep going regularly, I won't feel like this. Its just the first session that's the worst (if you don't do this kind of exercise much) and after that your body acclimatizes. After the evening session, I actually felt a bit better, less achey. Maybe because it had warmed my muscles up, I don't know. I guess the moral is don't give up! Push on through, as long as there is no risk of injury.
I'm also adhering to a kind of diet. It's not too complicated. The main thing is cutting down on carbs (most of which I'm not that bothered about. I will miss croissants), alcohol (goodbye wine) and sugar (I don't really know what I'll do without Robinsons Squash - it's a UK syrup you add to water, never saw it in the USA - I don't really drink plain water - water with mashed fruit? Hmmm).
But I kinda wanted to take a second to talk about my motivations. Because I'm a feminist (just means, all genders are equal, which I think is something everyone can agree with). And I care about body positivity (love yourself! Don't let the media tell you what you have to be!). So it's complicated from that aspect. It all seems contradictory, so I'm going to try to explain. (It's complicated, but I AM committed to the programme.) I guess at some point you just want what's best for your body?
I feel like I'm a logical person, and a natural problem solver. If something isn't how I want it, I look for a solution. My body isn't a problem, I'm not saying that. But it isn't how I want it. (I know that other people don't have expectations of me - my friends and family don't care what I weigh, and I know I can be my slightly wobbly self on SG - with good photography anyone can look amazing. But this is about what I want to be, for me.)
I love my body (it works, I'm rarely ill, I recover quickly, I can do all kinds of things), and I AM happy (my life is going well, I like the person that I am). But I guess I'm willing to put some work in to love my body even more. I've never really been serious bout health and fitness. Was I too lazy, or just not worried about it? Was I scared change would be too much work? I tried some things, half-heartedly, and they didn't work. I tried going to the gym, but always flaked out after a while. I tried eating or not eating certain things, but there's always a study that says DO! and a study that says DON'T! and eventually I'd just think, screw it, that croissant is mine. They're all mine! Muahahahaha!
But I'm going to try really hard with this! Mainly because I'm paying for it, and if I flake out I'll waste my money. Also because, it's kinda easy - I'm just gonna do what my trainer says. He's the one with the Sports Science degree or whatever. I'm just a layperson. And I can always ask him questions (can I eat this? What's good to eat after a workout? What sweet treats are fine?) and he replies, so I don't have to scour the internet and get different yes'es and no's and not really know the answer.
Back to the why am I doing this. I must be honest, vanity plays a part. I WANT TO LOOK REALLY GOOD. Is that such a crime? For a nude model?! Vanity and princessy-ness are things I normally reject. I think, I want to be strong and get stuff done and get mad skills. Not preen and faint and say I don't want to get sweaty or whatever. I'm not a super girly-girl (not that there's anything wrong with that); I care more about my personality and my abilities. Who am I and what can I do. That's what I care about in other people too. I don't care too much about what they look like. On the other hand, everyone can appreciate when someone else looks good. And I guess I want that for me too.
My self worth doesn't rely on my appearance, and I don't want it to. And maybe that's why I've not really put much into this whole thing before. I think it's important, especially for women, to not care so much about their appearance that it overshadows their self-worth, or abilities. It shouldn't consume a life so much that they can't get anything else done! That's not a life lived! And sometimes I think society tries to force that on women to distract them from getting stuff done, like achieving equality, or living fulilled lives! (Oh, don't listen to her, she's not attractive. ... Yes, she's saying things, but what was she wearing? ... Sure she can breeakdance but more importantly, she's hot.) I think it's fair to say that, generally, men don't get the same kind of image-scrutiny that women do. And what would your (stereotypical image of the everyday) man do if he realised he may have eaten too many pies? He'd ignore it (fuck it, who cares, I have a job and a wife, whatever) or he'd do something about it (I'm going to go to the gym a bit more). So I've decided to do something about it.
But if I think about it from another angle, I think it's good to treat yourself like your best friend. Don't beat yourself up about stuff, but support yourself, in whatever you want to do. You wouldn't starve your best friend. You wouldn't say nasty things to her when she looked in a mirror. But if she wanted to work out with you, you'd go! If she said, I'm on a diet, you wouldn't be like, nahhhhh eat this cake. You'd be like, cool! I made this delicious healthy salad! Let's tuck in! In an ideal best friend situation, you want her to be her best self. To love herself. To look amazing, whatever that means to her. I'm doing that for me.
So now, to play my own devil's avocado, when I say, 'look good', I mean 'look thin' right? No. I don't want to be that way, personally, although if that is what someone wants and they achieve it in a healthy way, then cool. I want to be a little more toned, to lose that belly that's bothering me in photos of me (not to the extent that I hate myself or anything), maybe to get a little muscle. I know what I want to achieve, for myself, and I don't think it's fair to use this (pretty healthy) concept against me, to say that I think fatness is bad. I don't. You be who you want to be, I'll be me. I don't see my friends and family and decide what I think they should look like. That's kind of up to them! I'm going to (continue to) be happy, love myself in a positive way, support myself, and work hard to achieve my own standards.
It's really hard to explain why I'm doing this, and still sound like a feminist. But I don't want feminism to be the reason I didn't try! I am many things, I do many things, I achieve many things. My appearance is a small aspect of me - not the whole of who I am. But I'm working on everything at the moment - my personality, what I do with my time, my love and consideration of others, so why not add my appearance in to one of the things I want to work on? 2015 is a big year for me! I started my own business. I'm trying to start thinking about what I want from life, and how I can get it.
Maybe its kinda weird to talk about this on SG, because a lot about this site relies on a chick's appearance. But, I don't know. We also get blogs where we can talk about our lives and be real people. I want to be honest about my motivations because I think it's an interesting topic to consider. I know I could just say, I'm working out more, and nobody here would call me out or anything, you'd all just be like, cool. But I would hate to be a girl who had other people look at what she did and it would make them think they have to get skinny, or stop eating, or something like that. Noooo!!! That's not cool. That would be miserable. The happiest person wins. That's the most important thing to remember. And happiness doesn't just mean comfort and relaxing, sometimes it also means hard work. Whatever it means to you, in a healthy positive way, go do that.
I don't want to be someone who says, people have to be a certain whatever to be happy. A certain look, or they're not beautiful. Everyone is beautiful in their own way. And I'm already happy. I want everyone else to be happy too, and to love themselves in every way. I want everyone to decide what they want from life, and then take steps to achieve it. I want you all to know that my motivations come from a good place. Its kinda hard to say "I'm a feminist!" and also, "I wanna be freakin' hot!" and also, "I'm happy already though!" at the same time and not contradict yourself, but I tried anyway.
So, my very long mushy confession is over. :) I would REALLY love to hear people's thoughts on the subject. Love you all! :D #BeastMode #HotFeministMode
x Viking x
