feel free not to read my blog today as its all a bit messed up and miserable. even though i feel as cheery as alphabeat!
its pretty weird..... so this thing with the 21 year old is NOT going anywhere. thanks for all the comments and messages but to be honest im just scared.
last time i genuinely liked someone i felt a little bit let down by him. i could have "fought" for him and everything but he was living in a very confusd little world and i wanted him to make up his own mind so i knew it was him being genuine rather than him being pressured by comments i had made. in hindsight, that was the wrong decision, but nevermind.
i cant deal with having my heart broken again, i couldnt handle the pain. im a risk taker with everything but my heart. im totally closed off to the idea. im sure one day i will let down the bullet proof vest i have put around myself but right now i dont want to.
just to clarify reasons why:
heartbreaker number 1: paul. the most beautiful man in the world. he told me that he would lasoo the moon for me if i asked him to. 3 years later my world was falling apart for various personal reasons and what was he doing.... he was just getting smacked out of his mind.
heartbreaker number 2: marc. he really should have stayed as a 1 night stand. 3 and a half years later i had become an abused doormat that it took a very serious wake up call from jen for me to realise what i had to do. looking back i never loved him as much as i should have which hurts more cos of what i put up with.
and in general i meet tossers. im like a magnet for all things stupid.
joe text me over the weekend, which was nice. im busy the next few weekends with hen nights/weekends and birthdays so i actually cant see him. but i will see him again though, as a friend.
and then..... last night i had the most random text message from a guy (dan) that i had a thing with earlier on in the year. but he lied to his friends about me and i found out. anyway, he text me just to say hi and the usual chit chat. i asked him why talk to me now and he said... wait for it...... that he had an epithinay (not too sure on the spelling but better than how he spelt it) and he had never connected with anyone like the way he had connected with me! being the sensitive non sarcastic type of girl that i am
i just laughed!!!
seriously i stop caring and all sorts crawl out of the woodwork!!!!
oh well!
x
its pretty weird..... so this thing with the 21 year old is NOT going anywhere. thanks for all the comments and messages but to be honest im just scared.
last time i genuinely liked someone i felt a little bit let down by him. i could have "fought" for him and everything but he was living in a very confusd little world and i wanted him to make up his own mind so i knew it was him being genuine rather than him being pressured by comments i had made. in hindsight, that was the wrong decision, but nevermind.
i cant deal with having my heart broken again, i couldnt handle the pain. im a risk taker with everything but my heart. im totally closed off to the idea. im sure one day i will let down the bullet proof vest i have put around myself but right now i dont want to.
just to clarify reasons why:
heartbreaker number 1: paul. the most beautiful man in the world. he told me that he would lasoo the moon for me if i asked him to. 3 years later my world was falling apart for various personal reasons and what was he doing.... he was just getting smacked out of his mind.
heartbreaker number 2: marc. he really should have stayed as a 1 night stand. 3 and a half years later i had become an abused doormat that it took a very serious wake up call from jen for me to realise what i had to do. looking back i never loved him as much as i should have which hurts more cos of what i put up with.
and in general i meet tossers. im like a magnet for all things stupid.
joe text me over the weekend, which was nice. im busy the next few weekends with hen nights/weekends and birthdays so i actually cant see him. but i will see him again though, as a friend.
and then..... last night i had the most random text message from a guy (dan) that i had a thing with earlier on in the year. but he lied to his friends about me and i found out. anyway, he text me just to say hi and the usual chit chat. i asked him why talk to me now and he said... wait for it...... that he had an epithinay (not too sure on the spelling but better than how he spelt it) and he had never connected with anyone like the way he had connected with me! being the sensitive non sarcastic type of girl that i am
i just laughed!!!seriously i stop caring and all sorts crawl out of the woodwork!!!!
oh well!
x
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but try not to give up comepletly, there are good ones out there!
why did that guy lie about you? whats the point? god i hate liars