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vickyknockers

Burlington

Member Since 2006

Followers 152 Following 145

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Thursday Jan 07, 2010

Jan 7, 2010
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Im feeling detached from you, hopelessly swimming in my own fear. I dont ask for much, not from anyone, but especially not from you. This pain, its killing me. Let me admit something to you, my life, its hurting me. Demons, you have them too, but mine, theyre finally starting to cut through the skin. The memories are only fragments, but vivid and fierce in their appearance. You did the best you could; I love you for everything youve done to try and save me. Its not your fault that fate was not kind to you either. Ive always hoped that which might break us has always made us stronger. We are fragile and tired. You may not see it in our eyes, but on the inside it feels like were dying. The cancer of life is terminal in our world. A constant happy moment never will arrive. It is always standing besides another unhappy moment waiting in line. But truly, why this fight? Why again, why now, why still? It only breaks us further; further inside, and further from one another.

All the good is out weighted by the bad. This, at last, is what will kill me. I wish, at times, I could simply sink away into nothingness, this day, I truly wish Id just die. You are my sickness; you are what is slowly killing me. For me, I have found love at last. Truly, deeply, this is what I call forever. You take him away from me, in the only way you know you can. My misery keeps me equal to you; youre twisted because you like it. It hurts me, the loneliness, yet for you, the pain is what keeps you feeling alive.

I help you in all the ways that I can. I try, honestly, to bear the burden of both our problems. But me, Im the only one whos fighting; its me alone in a never ending war. This pain thats destroying me, it never goes away. Ive accepted the idea that I will always have something missing on the inside. I feel soul less, walking around in body, when my spirit has already passed on. Do you know how it feels to really lose everything? Those people I miss, they arent coming back, and you, you may be here, but the real person inside died a long time ago. The person, who once would not wish this suffering upon me, would not burden me with all of their personal hells, but help me in mine. Only once even, it would be refreshing. I would at least then know you cared, that there was still a heart beating inside of there.

The worst that I know is how my suffering only hurts others; the people whom I care for, the ones that I love. That contact with me, only ends up causing other people misery. Ive become that constant ache; the ringing in your eardrums, each drop you cant stop from dripping in the sink, the alarm clock going off, the sound of breaking glass. Each and every thing that is simply unbearable.

Someone please save me, please just make it all go away. Just take the hurt, and take the pain; just get it over with, instead of killing me slowly.

Because you havent truly lost everything until you lose yourself, and Im beginning to fear shes on her way out.

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