So I'm feeling rather optimistic about my life; I'm seeing a lot of opportunities starting to show themselves. Considering all the bullshit I've been going through the past few months, this past month especially, it wasn't an expected outcome. In general, I think that there is a lot of potentials going on with my life in a variety of aspects. I'd like to credit this 'awakening' to the start of my new term at school, new classes just started yesterday and tonight, which always feels good. It's like you're starting over and everything is fresh, you start with an A, right? I'm taking Abnormal Psychology and Physiology Psychology this term, should be fun talking about 'why we do what we do' on Wednesday nights and talking about 'what chemical and biological make ups cause these reactions/emotions etc' on Thursday nights. It might also have been just a naturally expected occurrence since I've been really depressed lately and had been going through some family and legal issues plus I lost my job.
Other than those two (which are pretty major struggles) I'm dealing with friendships and relationships, again I've hit a point in my life that I find I have a lot of negative people around me, friendships that do more harm and help. I've dropped a few key people out of my life and I'm open to meeting new people/making new friends. With all the new found free time I have, I started dating again I'm sick of being single. That's been going ok, met a few guys, nothing really panned out as of yet but seems like I might have made a few friends out of it. I found myself kinda smitten and happy to be dating and interesting in guys that I met, but then I guess these things take time or if they aren't interested in me enough to have taken it further by now, then maybe it will just end as friends, idk. I wish more people were intrigued with the same thing I am, like talking about life and thoughts and ideas. The guys I talk to are, but it makes it less sexual or emotional or something IDK and then its hard to read how they feel about you. They take you out on dates and you have fun together, they kiss you and text you the next day, but it doesn't feel like I have a bf or a 'suitor' yet.
This year I've also started a new approach to my diet and finances, nearly meticulously. I've been writing down everything I eat and everything I spend, balancing accounts, credit card, and bills. The original plan was to do it for 3 months, then set out a diet plan and a new budget, but I'm at 2 months now... I think that's enough. Whenever I get the time around to doing the budget, I'm not so sure, I guess I should find a job first on that one. But with the diet, it starts Monday (as they say) since I'm going on a little weekend vacation to San Diego. In addition, just more exercise... I need it especially when I'm depressed and anxious like I've been, I'm just really an overachiever in my life usually, and when it come to losing weight I'm never really set and happy with results and then I give up and find excuses (Doesn't everyone) well I"m sick of being overweight, I feel like if I was 40lbs thinner *let alone 80lbs which I probably could stand to lose* I would have A LOT more ENERGY in my everyday life and I'm convinced more LUCK in the dating department. I've always gotten the bullshit about being wifey material and guys wanting to date me, but when it comes to things that stop guys from being with me its nearly always my blunt honest or my over-thinking, a few times over my own wrong doing and lying. I think the weight would help me out more so in the variety of guys, I think the guys I've dated since I've been heavier are just the types that don't really can about weight, they care more that I have a pretty face and about whats on the inside. I'd like to hear a guy say that I'm beautiful and not also have comments like I'm cuddly or I'm curvy within a few sentences after that, as if an excuse. I'm also kinda disguised with being heavy, although people make excuses or what not I just see half naked women and think I don't look anything close to what they do and I'm sick of feeling like I can't do certain things or that its much more effort for me that someone else. I'm just overall ready to get healthy.
The good thing is I'm still in school, still fighting for my ultimate goals. Now, I've just thrown into that mix looking for a job (to support myself for now) and shortly following that I should be looking for my (first) own place. I've had enough of living with people and then having to move every year due to a list and variety of reasons. And I've also the past few months have been coming into my faith again, it feels good to be back at church and feeling close to God, honest with myself. Not to impose that on anyone else, just know that it's good for me. I've found an acceptance of my past and I've found a new willingness to move on and be active in my present, stop worrying so fucking much about my future, I think it's going to work itself out.
Well, I think that's enough of my bullshit. I wonder if anyone has any input that could help? suggestions on diet/exercise or experiences with dating are always fun to get a kick out of
Other than those two (which are pretty major struggles) I'm dealing with friendships and relationships, again I've hit a point in my life that I find I have a lot of negative people around me, friendships that do more harm and help. I've dropped a few key people out of my life and I'm open to meeting new people/making new friends. With all the new found free time I have, I started dating again I'm sick of being single. That's been going ok, met a few guys, nothing really panned out as of yet but seems like I might have made a few friends out of it. I found myself kinda smitten and happy to be dating and interesting in guys that I met, but then I guess these things take time or if they aren't interested in me enough to have taken it further by now, then maybe it will just end as friends, idk. I wish more people were intrigued with the same thing I am, like talking about life and thoughts and ideas. The guys I talk to are, but it makes it less sexual or emotional or something IDK and then its hard to read how they feel about you. They take you out on dates and you have fun together, they kiss you and text you the next day, but it doesn't feel like I have a bf or a 'suitor' yet.
This year I've also started a new approach to my diet and finances, nearly meticulously. I've been writing down everything I eat and everything I spend, balancing accounts, credit card, and bills. The original plan was to do it for 3 months, then set out a diet plan and a new budget, but I'm at 2 months now... I think that's enough. Whenever I get the time around to doing the budget, I'm not so sure, I guess I should find a job first on that one. But with the diet, it starts Monday (as they say) since I'm going on a little weekend vacation to San Diego. In addition, just more exercise... I need it especially when I'm depressed and anxious like I've been, I'm just really an overachiever in my life usually, and when it come to losing weight I'm never really set and happy with results and then I give up and find excuses (Doesn't everyone) well I"m sick of being overweight, I feel like if I was 40lbs thinner *let alone 80lbs which I probably could stand to lose* I would have A LOT more ENERGY in my everyday life and I'm convinced more LUCK in the dating department. I've always gotten the bullshit about being wifey material and guys wanting to date me, but when it comes to things that stop guys from being with me its nearly always my blunt honest or my over-thinking, a few times over my own wrong doing and lying. I think the weight would help me out more so in the variety of guys, I think the guys I've dated since I've been heavier are just the types that don't really can about weight, they care more that I have a pretty face and about whats on the inside. I'd like to hear a guy say that I'm beautiful and not also have comments like I'm cuddly or I'm curvy within a few sentences after that, as if an excuse. I'm also kinda disguised with being heavy, although people make excuses or what not I just see half naked women and think I don't look anything close to what they do and I'm sick of feeling like I can't do certain things or that its much more effort for me that someone else. I'm just overall ready to get healthy.
The good thing is I'm still in school, still fighting for my ultimate goals. Now, I've just thrown into that mix looking for a job (to support myself for now) and shortly following that I should be looking for my (first) own place. I've had enough of living with people and then having to move every year due to a list and variety of reasons. And I've also the past few months have been coming into my faith again, it feels good to be back at church and feeling close to God, honest with myself. Not to impose that on anyone else, just know that it's good for me. I've found an acceptance of my past and I've found a new willingness to move on and be active in my present, stop worrying so fucking much about my future, I think it's going to work itself out.
Well, I think that's enough of my bullshit. I wonder if anyone has any input that could help? suggestions on diet/exercise or experiences with dating are always fun to get a kick out of
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
revdrkilljoy:
Good luck, dealing with fiances myself. As far as exercise goes, stick with cardio, crunches, push-ups, some running/walking, things of that nature. Be sure to stretch first, don't want to pull a hammy lol. Although if you do, I can help with that too . I'll try and find a good exercise regiment and send it to you.
9005900:
Enjoyed the good chapter in your life. You appear to be walking in the right direction. And yea, I think many people forget about the Faith aspect of life. We need renewal in our lives - no matter how we approach it.