vianca

They are the roses from Lauren's memorial; after the service, we each took a few. I dried them to preserve them so I could feel that last linger of her presence.

Lauren knew I did this; she laughed about it, actually. She came with me to a few shoots I did that involved nudity and, while she would make jokes about it after, during the actual shooting, she always provided ideas and encouragement. She'd even re work my hair and makeup when needed. If she didn't make it to a shoot, she saw the photos after and would give her honest opinion of how she thought it looked and what she thought I should do in the future. It never weirded her out that her friend was naked online and it never was strange to me that she was there seeing in live. Personal cheerleader Lauren.

When I shot "Thorny Devil", NarkoShooter and I were discussing a theme. He saw the roses and, without knowing what they meant to me, told me to incorporate them somehow. I thought he was kidding at first; they seem so out of place for an SG shoot. When I explained the meaning they had to me he responded with "Well, let's give her one last hoorah shall we?" I smiled.

So, the roses are my little twisted way of having Lauren with me for one last photo shoot. I only hope she's up there, reviewing the set (though I know she's saying "GODDAMNIT, WHY AM I NAKED WITH YOU, YET AGAIN?!").

She's in everything I do, from here until I'm drinking with her again <3