It's over.
When the D.A. called my name to speak, I stood up and walked over in front of the judge, shaking uncontrollably. I thought I could make it through what I wrote but by the last half, I was crying and my voice was cracking. The man responsible for this sat 6 feet to my right with his lawyer.
It was, in all honesty, the hardest and most emotional thing I have EVER had to do in my entire life.
When Mr. and Mrs. Freeman got up to speak, I lost it. The things they said...I have never cried so hard. Mrs. Freeman collapsed at the end. Her daughter is gone.
Lauren is gone. How is this real? How is this happening?
This is my victim's impact statement:
SPOILERS! (Click to view)
When I started to think of what I wanted to write down to say today on behalf of Lauren, I stared at a blank sheet of paper for 45 minutes, seemingly unable to muster up the right words.
At first, I couldn't understand why that was; the amount of stories we all have that involve Lauren and what she meant to all of us are enough to fill a library. In all honesty, it is impossible to tell someone's life story in a simple paper or with mere words. Lauren Freeman was, still is, and will always be loved by everyone she has ever known.
I then realized the trouble was not that I couldn't locate the right words; the problem was that there ARE no words to properly explain what this has done. Every single person in this courtroom you see before you today I met through Lauren. She touched lives beyond comprehension and was beautiful, inside and out, beyond all measure.
When I met Lauren 2 years ago, it took me all of 5 minutes to realize this girl was fresh, honest, and more over, real; in Los Angeles, those 3 qualities in one person aren't just rare, they're no longer heard of. She said it like it was, dished out that "tough love" when it was needed and didn't stand for any stupidity whatsoever. Lauren was candid and never held back, and it showed in everything from her fierce loyalty in friendships to her strong and dedicated work ethic. She was certain to become more than this and to do so many extraordinary things; the devastating actuality that the fashion world will never know her talent is a tragedy.
Lauren was always there, for everyone, no matter what the reasons. She never asked questions and whether you needed a night out to unwind or a day in watching movies to relax, she would make it happen. Her devotion to her friends was unrivaled, and for that, we are eternally grateful
The fact remains at this: There is a doting father in this courtroom today who will never get to walk his little girl down the aisle on her wedding day, a loving mother who will never get to see her radiant daughter have children of her own and a proud brother who will never have the opportunity to watch his only sibling blossom to become the incredible designer she was destined to be. Lauren Freeman was taken far too soon and because of that, we are all heartbroken.
There is a quote that says: "Truly, great friends are hard to find, difficult to leave and impossible to forget." (G. Randolf) We found an AMAZING friend in Lauren; leaving her was the hardest thing we have ever had to do and forgetting her is not an option.
I hope in my life to become half of the woman Lauren was; to do so would be enough for me.
I don't know why but, 4 months after losing her, I suddenly feel it's effects. I THOUGHT I had accepted this; I was a damn fool. I've been pretending this isn't real and pouring my energy into this fight, knowing she would do the same for any of us. Now that it's over, I wake up confused and disoriented. HOW IS THIS REAL LIFE?!
For those with additional questions, you can read about our living hell HERE.
364 days. Less than a year for a life.
I realized since all this happened in November, I've been attempting to handle it in ways out of character for me, one more so in particular: drinking.
Before November, I hadn't had anything to drink in nearly 8 years. Since then, it's been every weekend. I'm sick and I shouldn't be drinking AT ALL but thats how I have been numbing myself. I realized today that losing Lauren and then splitting officially with my on and off ex of 2 years (who I thought I would marry) has just caused me to become something I don't like.
That being said, today marks Day 1 of complete sobriety. No more. This is not me and this is not who I want to be.
I will make it through this. I will make it through this. I will make it through this.
"Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened."
-V
