vianca

I'm at a crossroads.

I love music and I love to travel.

Nearly three years ago I was blessed with the opportunity from a friend to hit the road with his band to document their lifestyle. Since then, I have lived out of a suitcase, crashed on numerous individuals floors and met some incredible people who I am so fortunate to now call friends. I have toured in vans with 6 people and buses with 15 people. I've experienced shows with 18 kids in attendance and festivals with 32,000 people singing along. I have been to every state except Alaska and Maine.

I've been involved with the music industry in some form since I was 12 years old. When I was that young, I volunteered at rock shows and would set up the stages (yea, I did that at the age of 12). I worked 14 hour days at all day shows. I hung out with guys in random bands who are now so huge, their lead singers are impregnating socialites. Everything I have every done in my life up till this moment has revolved around music.

But lately, I've been feeling like something's off, as though I'm too old to be doing this shit anymore. I realize you're all going to say "what the heck you talking about, you're 22" but I have been doing this at a steady rate for 10 years now, full time since 2006. I'm worn out.

Maybe thats not what I'm trying to say, those might be the wrong words. Maybe it's not that I'm too old, rather, that I've lost a bit of faith in the musical industry and what it used to stand for. This isn't the same anymore. I do this because I love to meet other people who feel as passionate and emotional about music as I do. The bands I'm hired by now, God bless their souls, aren't in this for that. What happened to the love of music, the desire to share with kids who they as musicians really are and how they truly feel? What happened to hanging out with the fans afterwards and being able to go to the 24 hr diner with them all till 3 am before heading to the next show? Further more, the kids aren't in this for the music anymore either; they are so consumed by wanting to meet the bands rather than hear the songs. The producers and record labels no longer see the musicians; they simply see their monetary potential.

I don't think I want to be associated with that. That's not why I'm here. I'm here because I love music, I love the enthusiasm and I love that one, single song can change a kids world forever.

So, what's the point of this anger? Am I quitting touring for good? I can't say or promise that. What if I did and then came back to it? I'd look like Brett Favre in his obvious attempt to relive the glory days.

I can say that I am looking to settle down. It's time. Where, I have no idea. Maybe get a job so I can't pack up and leave on a phone call. If a tour offer comes at me, I may be so inclined to accept it but only in the event that I know the band and their sheer lust for musical passion.

Last week I was in a town called Lodi with a friends band during the Cali leg of their tour. As we were getting ready to head out, I found myself brushing my teeth in front of the van. The lead singer looked at me, smiled and said "looks like you've gotten ready in vans before". I sort of laughed but then glanced around at the rest of the band. This particular band has been on the road for 6 months solid. They've seen snow, rain and blistering heat. Some nights they slept in hotels courtesy of friends; others they slept in Wal-Mart parking lots outside on the pavement. As I watched them play that show and every other show I was fortunate enough to see, I witnessed them chat with every single kid in the room after their set. EVERY SINGLE KID. They exchanged numbers with everyone, played video games with them and went out to Denny's with them all after. For them, music was their love, their one desire and they didn't care about not showering for 2 days in a row. If they played for 4 kids as opposed to 400, so be it. As long as they got to play.

That's what its all about.