vestril

A little while ago (long time ago in terms of my lifetime, but little while ago in the grand scheme) I made a choice to stick with who I am and to let people take that or leave it. So far that has been a hard, hard choice as most people (read: nearly all) choose to leave it.

It's not the sort of thing that can never be undone, but at the same time it's not the sort of thing that's easy to change either (and I don't think I would even if I could). Most nights being alone doesn't feel so much like being lonely, but after having met a great person, gotten along with said person and ultimately having that person turn and walk away--it gets to me.

I feel like I should work to change the core of who I am, but I don't even know where to begin, and am not even sure what it is I do that fucks up relationships with people so absolutely and with just enough time delay that it stings.

It's just a bad night, and I should feel better in the morning at which point I will fill up this space with something appropriately non-sensical--I do hate self-indulgent posts, but I need to let go this second and I have nowhere else to do it.