veronika

THIS BLOG IS A BUNCH OF BRAIN

On Sunday I had a mom moment. Sure, sure, I am no mom, but, nonetheless, it was a mom moment! During Big D's softball game me and Ckye (one of our flower girls) went for a walk w/Roca. At one point we were about to cross this large, black beetle that I didn't see until right before we were about to pass it. I am super scared of spiders and bugs. I freak out, scream, run......the whole bit. Ckye did not see the beetle when I did and w/the pace that we were walking I had a feeling if I said nothing she wouldn't have noticed it. I had a second to decide if I was going to freak out or not. This is something that I thought I hadn't any control over. ME+BUG=AAAAAAAAH!!! But after my initial thought of "Oh god, a beetle!" I quickly thought, "I think Ckye may get scared if she sees this beetle and if I shut up she won't even notice it." So? I walked right by the beetle. Even though Ckye may not have been scared of bugs, this was a proud moment for me, because even if the bug wouldn't have scared her my initial reaction of wanting to scream would have scared her. My decision felt good. I didn't fully realize why it felt so good until this morning. If that were me and my mom walking by a huge beetle, when I was a child, she would have screamed like a child, ran behind me and SHE would have scared the hell out of me. I'm not writing this to knock my mom but I do know that there are things about her that I hope will not transfer over (like I'm sure most of us feel) and it was nice to see that I pulled through this situation exactly as I hoped I would have.

This school quarter I have come to realize that I am not getting the quality education that I was going to school for when it comes to website design. The Art Institute is an incredibly expensive school but I went into it thinking that I would learn lots about website design and would also make great connections for potential jobs. But w/as much fun that I have had in some classes and w/some projects, I am seeing that because of the structure of the school website design is only about 20% of my education. I now see that the Art Institute is best for people who are wanting to teach art or who are just getting out of high school and/or living off of mom/dad's dough (not having to work-so they can put more effort into teaching themselves). I did not make the decision to go back to school to finish my degree and my thinking seems to be a difficult thing for some to grasp. I simply went back to learn website design! Screw the degree! Degrees are great and all but I wanted all of my focus/classes on website design and a few extra art classes that will help me grasp the concept of art. This whole scare of "am I learning what I want in the time that I want?" started when I talked to a few AI graduates who shared that they taught themselves most of what they know about web design. Uhhhh....what? Then I got to thinking and realized that I wasn't even close to being confident in web design as a career and I am going into my second year. This just isn't right...right? Now what am I doing w/all of this? I don't know. I have been looking into internships in hopes that I can learn lots and gain confidence in the actual field. I've also considered the idea of a community college since their classes seem more specifically designed to one's interest but don't know if I am ready to leave AI. I'm not sure where this will all end but at least I feel confident in the fact that I am looking out for my future, yo!

Let's talk health, people. Many of us have health problems, whether it be physical or mental. Why are we all so scared to share what's up w/our brains/bodies? Wouldn't it be nice to read about others who share the same issues? I sure think so. I understand the need to keep one's life private, but you know, this is my blog. This is the place where I want to let some things out.

Let me start out by saying that I am not diabetic. Even though I don't think I ever blogged about it on SG? Yes, I am insulin resistant but my blood test came back all pretty. Honestly, I am not sure how I can be insulin resistant and not diabetic and it seems my doc has no clue, either. Part of me wants to figure out the mystery but the other part of me just wants to be "normal me" until I hear different from the doc! I am no health nut but I am not an excessive eater and am fairly healthy, I work out and just happen to have a healthy love for tasty desserts. Anyhow, this may confuse some of you since I do have diabetic symptoms....I have no answers for that. BUT, I am not diabetic

I am, however, ADHD. I am not too sure why this is a hard thing to admit, but for some reason I feel like just getting this out, hard or not. I was recently diagnosed which has helped me understand myself more. On a basic level I will say that I have a difficult time focusing. I can watch 10 minutes of a movie and not be able to tell you any part of what happened. Yes, it's a talent! A talent that none of you non-ADHDers will ever get to share! The older I get the more I realize that I really am not perfect. My body is not perfect, my memory is awful, my clothes may not always flatter my figure, my eyeliner may smudge when I rub my eye and I might get pissed and swear way more than I should. Doesn't it seem like we all pretend to be more perfect than we are (this is is definitely not directed at SG girls, who seem to be more the opposite)? Wouldn't it be nice to let a bit out and see that we're all not shiny silverware that is only put out for fancy company?

So yeah, the good news is...we're all crazy....or at least that's what all the voices have told me.

Ummm....on a lighter, as well as smoother, note, try the Ped Egg! It's awesome!


AND:

I got a bit tired of waiting for my WTBQ set to go live, sooooo....on the 24th my Domestic Bliss set will be posted in the Member Review section! Keep your eyes peeled!