It's now been 36 hours and still no sign of Rufus. Yesterday we had a call from an old guy across the street who was positive he'd seen him but he's been so doped up on painkillers that he couldn't remember when. He thinks it was the previous day, so we spent ages wandering around earching and calling, and me and my Dad had a stake-out in the car with a dish of stinky sardines, a Thermos of tea and a respectably-sized joint for two hours or so but the little guy didn't turn up. We left the sardines, but they were untouched this morning.
The stress and anger of the last two or three days has brought a few things to light:
1. My Dad has an incredibly selfish side that I've never seen before. I've always had a great relationship with him but it's been severely tested these last couple of days.
2. My Mum is more of an ally than I realised. She's blinkered and tactless - last night she told me my hair had got "really tarty", cheers - but she means well and this whole thing has got her really upset.
3. I've remembered why I was so desperate to get out of my parents' house in the first place. My Dad was still living up the road when I arrived here nearly a month ago, he's now moved back in and it's all gone really rather sour.
4. I've realised that Rufus was really the only reason I got so homesick. I didn't miss home, I didn't miss my parents - I missed HIM. And now he's gone I feel like I'm inhabiting some godawful dream.
5. I feel dreadfully guilty about how little support I've given my sister while she's had hepatitis C. She's never really played a large part in my life, and she's not been around at all while I've been ill, but she does have problems and I should have borne that in mind. I saw her yesterday and she looked awful - I haven't actually laid eyes on her in over two months and she was in much better shape back then. The treatment for hepatitis can be as destructive as chemotherapy, and Buff has lost an enormous amount of weight, lost a lot of hair and her skin looks like paper. I've had a string of contagious illnesses that I've not wanted to pass on, but now I'm better I've explained to her that I really want to catch up with her even if it's just me going round there for a cup of tea and a chat.
I also don't like my fringe anymore, I'm either going to get it cut or cut it myself. I don't really trust myself with a pair of scissors but I've cut my own fringe before....ah, we'll see. If it turns out okay then I'll be shooting another set - I've been going about it differently yet again. I forget that the sets I admire and aspire to achieve have been shot by professional photographers and more often than not feature experienced models. I am a rank amateur when it comes to both - so no wonder I've been disappointed with the results. I've now got a full pose portfolio to help me with both my modelling and my composition. I've got a more evenly-lit location. Here's to Take Two.
At least it's something to distract me from my missing baby. I'm just waiting for that phone call. Sigh.
The stress and anger of the last two or three days has brought a few things to light:
1. My Dad has an incredibly selfish side that I've never seen before. I've always had a great relationship with him but it's been severely tested these last couple of days.
2. My Mum is more of an ally than I realised. She's blinkered and tactless - last night she told me my hair had got "really tarty", cheers - but she means well and this whole thing has got her really upset.
3. I've remembered why I was so desperate to get out of my parents' house in the first place. My Dad was still living up the road when I arrived here nearly a month ago, he's now moved back in and it's all gone really rather sour.
4. I've realised that Rufus was really the only reason I got so homesick. I didn't miss home, I didn't miss my parents - I missed HIM. And now he's gone I feel like I'm inhabiting some godawful dream.
5. I feel dreadfully guilty about how little support I've given my sister while she's had hepatitis C. She's never really played a large part in my life, and she's not been around at all while I've been ill, but she does have problems and I should have borne that in mind. I saw her yesterday and she looked awful - I haven't actually laid eyes on her in over two months and she was in much better shape back then. The treatment for hepatitis can be as destructive as chemotherapy, and Buff has lost an enormous amount of weight, lost a lot of hair and her skin looks like paper. I've had a string of contagious illnesses that I've not wanted to pass on, but now I'm better I've explained to her that I really want to catch up with her even if it's just me going round there for a cup of tea and a chat.
I also don't like my fringe anymore, I'm either going to get it cut or cut it myself. I don't really trust myself with a pair of scissors but I've cut my own fringe before....ah, we'll see. If it turns out okay then I'll be shooting another set - I've been going about it differently yet again. I forget that the sets I admire and aspire to achieve have been shot by professional photographers and more often than not feature experienced models. I am a rank amateur when it comes to both - so no wonder I've been disappointed with the results. I've now got a full pose portfolio to help me with both my modelling and my composition. I've got a more evenly-lit location. Here's to Take Two.
At least it's something to distract me from my missing baby. I'm just waiting for that phone call. Sigh.
VIEW 9 of 9 COMMENTS
Stressful situations can bring out the worst in everyone but still sorry you are in the midst of all that.
Take care and good luck!