EDIT: Since I wrote this blog I've been in hospital. On Friday night I was kept awake all night because every time I tried to sleep, my breathing stopped. My heart was racing, and before long it was pounding so hard I couldn't get it to stop. I held out for nearly five hours and eventually had to phone an ambulance. I was taken into hospital, where I stayed for about four hours. I had three ECGs, blood tests, and the worst toast ever. I was given a tablet to slow my heart rate - all the doc could think was that gastroenteritis can fuck up your thyroid function, which would affect my heart, and it explains why all the relaxation techniques in the world did nothing. I'm getting more tests done tomorrow. I was sick again this morning as well, although I finally managed to sleep without the apnea. Fuck sake...
*****
Wow, I've not posted on here in ages. Not just my blog either. I hope people don't forget about me...
I lost another baby. My gorgeous little lady passed away in my hands a week last Thursday. It was awful. I was downstairs packing my things, with twenty minutes to catch a train. when my boy called me from upstairs sounding traumatised. I found him with Lily in his hands. She was gasping for air, falling from side to side, and spasming. She's had respiratory attacks before, and three times I thought I was going to lose her, but she always came through. That was months ago, and I just knew that it was going to be her last time. I took her through to the bedroom and held her close in my lap. She heaved a couple more times then went still. It took her less than two minutes to die.
I've never experienced death first hand like that. All that shit about the light in their eyes slowly fading away is bollocks. I held my girl up to my face, as I had done so many times, and she looked no different than if she were to reach out and lick the end of my nose. She was exactly the same. Just limp and lifeless. It was horrible.
Lily was nearly two years old, not a bad innings for a rat. She leaves Rosie, her remaining sister, on her own, and she is getting extra cuddles from Mum and Dad. She was a ridiculously beautiful little rat, who converted a lot of non-rat-fans into lovers. She was fastidious and houseproud, always the one to tidy up after her sisters' fighting or rearrange the nestbox after cleaning because Mum had done it wrong. She was a shining little light, and she will be sorely missed.
In other news, I took my helix piercing out. I was gutted to see it go, but it had been pierced at a stupid angle and it simply wasn't healing. I took it out and my ear closed up like a friggin clam so I guess it was the right thing to do. I miss it though. I was poking the ring into lots of different places to see how it looked, mainly because I'm a goit.
Also, I have gastroenteritis AGAIN. For the third time in a YEAR. The first time I got it, it was so bad it left my system as fragile as a crystal mosquito and I developed post-infective IBS. I've been living with IBS now for well over a year and believe me there is nothing I miss more than the days when I could order a Domino's pizza with stupid amounts of extra crap on it, AND a chicken dipper shitty starter thing, AND a grotesque artificial chocolate pudding, and eat the lot, and NOT CARE. I could eat anything, any old shite, in any amount, and feel full and happy and satisfied.
Those days are long dead. Thank you my lovely irritable bowel. I got a gastric attack at my Dad's a few months ago, and thought it left me fragile for a couple of days I bounced back pretty quickly.
However, this time the gastroenteritis is holding on tightly. I've had it now for over a week; first day I woke up at 7.25am shaking like fuck from the adrenalin, and within an hour I'd puked up a load of undigested food from the previous night. Yay. A week later I was feeling better, and I went to see my parents to do some Christmas shopping. I came home again, and within two days I was puking into a bucket in bed at stupid o'clock in the morning. Fucking joyful.
So, here's a picture I took of myself last week, with gastroenteritis and Captain Ratchet on my shoulder:
And here's me right now, about to go to bed, looking as much like Death as I am willing to post on the Internet:
'Night all. Join my IBS group if you know the feeling.
xxVxx
*****
Wow, I've not posted on here in ages. Not just my blog either. I hope people don't forget about me...
I lost another baby. My gorgeous little lady passed away in my hands a week last Thursday. It was awful. I was downstairs packing my things, with twenty minutes to catch a train. when my boy called me from upstairs sounding traumatised. I found him with Lily in his hands. She was gasping for air, falling from side to side, and spasming. She's had respiratory attacks before, and three times I thought I was going to lose her, but she always came through. That was months ago, and I just knew that it was going to be her last time. I took her through to the bedroom and held her close in my lap. She heaved a couple more times then went still. It took her less than two minutes to die.
I've never experienced death first hand like that. All that shit about the light in their eyes slowly fading away is bollocks. I held my girl up to my face, as I had done so many times, and she looked no different than if she were to reach out and lick the end of my nose. She was exactly the same. Just limp and lifeless. It was horrible.
Lily was nearly two years old, not a bad innings for a rat. She leaves Rosie, her remaining sister, on her own, and she is getting extra cuddles from Mum and Dad. She was a ridiculously beautiful little rat, who converted a lot of non-rat-fans into lovers. She was fastidious and houseproud, always the one to tidy up after her sisters' fighting or rearrange the nestbox after cleaning because Mum had done it wrong. She was a shining little light, and she will be sorely missed.
In other news, I took my helix piercing out. I was gutted to see it go, but it had been pierced at a stupid angle and it simply wasn't healing. I took it out and my ear closed up like a friggin clam so I guess it was the right thing to do. I miss it though. I was poking the ring into lots of different places to see how it looked, mainly because I'm a goit.
Also, I have gastroenteritis AGAIN. For the third time in a YEAR. The first time I got it, it was so bad it left my system as fragile as a crystal mosquito and I developed post-infective IBS. I've been living with IBS now for well over a year and believe me there is nothing I miss more than the days when I could order a Domino's pizza with stupid amounts of extra crap on it, AND a chicken dipper shitty starter thing, AND a grotesque artificial chocolate pudding, and eat the lot, and NOT CARE. I could eat anything, any old shite, in any amount, and feel full and happy and satisfied.
Those days are long dead. Thank you my lovely irritable bowel. I got a gastric attack at my Dad's a few months ago, and thought it left me fragile for a couple of days I bounced back pretty quickly.
However, this time the gastroenteritis is holding on tightly. I've had it now for over a week; first day I woke up at 7.25am shaking like fuck from the adrenalin, and within an hour I'd puked up a load of undigested food from the previous night. Yay. A week later I was feeling better, and I went to see my parents to do some Christmas shopping. I came home again, and within two days I was puking into a bucket in bed at stupid o'clock in the morning. Fucking joyful.
So, here's a picture I took of myself last week, with gastroenteritis and Captain Ratchet on my shoulder:
And here's me right now, about to go to bed, looking as much like Death as I am willing to post on the Internet:
'Night all. Join my IBS group if you know the feeling.
xxVxx
VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
Hope that you're better now. That would freak me the fuck out.
I'm sorry to hear you lost Lily, and I hope you start to feel better.