But the last few days I think i've prayed enough to catch up with my entire lifetime. I've also turned over a new leaf... I just hope this time it stays that way.
*Deep breath* I've done some pretty stupid shit in my life, and I've always had INSTANT karmic repreave, if you will. Not only did I do something totally stupid, I lied to people about it... Well some of you might turn your noses up at me, or scorn me, or not want to have anything to do with me anymore because of it... if you're really my friend though, you'll understand, I hope.
I lost my job Monday... The entire office got hit with a random drug test two Wednesdays ago... right after laborday weekend. In my two years of working there, I never got hit with a random test. Normally i'm very careful about doing things too, making sure I do it on a weekend so it's out of my system by the time a test would be needed. Well the one time.... I got hit. Chris had gotten some free "snow" yes... we'll call it snow... from a buddy of his that had passed through town on a concert tour. Well, this so happens to be a preference of mine, so even though I knew I had to work the next day, I did it anyways. At the time I figured..."what the hell... they haven't tested me once since i've worked there... what are the chances?!" Funny thing... (not really, but you get the point)... I had a dream right before my alarm went off that they were going to hit me with a random test. When we were doing it, I really didn't even give it a thought at all... but I sat up in bed and just sat there. Low and behold... My boss sets the paperwork for the test on my desk as soon as I sit down. I guess 5 or 6 of us got one. Random my fucking ass...
I lied my ass off when the test came back negative, hoping and praying that I could save my job. My 3 bosses all believed me and actually did everything on there end that they could to try and save my job, or let them re-test me, but cooperate wouldn't let me. Since Monday i've tried making excuses for myself, trying to blame anyone but myself.... not anymore. *I* fucked up... *I* did it, and no one else is to blame. I feel like such a complete asshole right now... My 3 bosses were actually a few of the greatest people i've worked with, and I lied right to their faces to cover my ass... I deserved to lose my job...I even lied to my best friend.
Badger, if you are reading this... i'm sorry. I usually pride myself on being a truthful person, especially with friends, but I was embarassed and angry, and in denial. I just didn't want anyone to know...
We just put $200 down on an apartment for an Oct. 1st move in... I'm at a loss. Even with my job we would have been struggling. In the past anything bad that happened in my life was usually followed up by something good... I'm in a position for life to be better then it's ever been and after all the shitty things i've done, I somehow dout it'll pull though for the better. I interviewed for a live in leasing agent and asst. manager job at an apartment complex in a great neighborhood right where we daydreamed about getting a place at. My pay for showing apartments and minor maintenance would be a awesome two bedroom apartment. We wouldn't have ever been able to afford this place on our own... and it'd only be evenings and weekends when the manager lady wasn't there or busy. So I could get a part time job someplace close by and make $$ for my car payment or possible go back to school. I never thought going back to school was realistic after everything recently, but there's hope... I'm so scared right now... I know I fucked up, but this job would be my saving grace. I'll find out either this weekend or Monday if I got it... the interview went great i thought... but i guess I was the first to call her because I saw her ad online before the newspaper was even published and called about it.
It's scary how one single day... hell even a single minute of that day can change how you look at life and your future. One minute we're excited about getting a new place (albeit a hole and in a scary neighborhood.... but it would be OURs..) now i'm jobless, scared, and waiting nervously for the pendulum to either drop on my head, or the clouds clearing and live turning grand. It's a big eye opener and a much needed slap in the face.
As I mentioned before, I'm turning over a new leaf.... I'm done... I fucked up my life because of a stupid habit. I think this was my wake up call, and had this not happened, I probabaly wouldn't have even considered quiting. I never thought i'd be in a situation like this... I always said.. "it'll never happen to me, i'll never get into a bad habit like that...". I guess the hardest lessons are the lessons best learned.
Love you guys...
April
*Deep breath* I've done some pretty stupid shit in my life, and I've always had INSTANT karmic repreave, if you will. Not only did I do something totally stupid, I lied to people about it... Well some of you might turn your noses up at me, or scorn me, or not want to have anything to do with me anymore because of it... if you're really my friend though, you'll understand, I hope.
I lost my job Monday... The entire office got hit with a random drug test two Wednesdays ago... right after laborday weekend. In my two years of working there, I never got hit with a random test. Normally i'm very careful about doing things too, making sure I do it on a weekend so it's out of my system by the time a test would be needed. Well the one time.... I got hit. Chris had gotten some free "snow" yes... we'll call it snow... from a buddy of his that had passed through town on a concert tour. Well, this so happens to be a preference of mine, so even though I knew I had to work the next day, I did it anyways. At the time I figured..."what the hell... they haven't tested me once since i've worked there... what are the chances?!" Funny thing... (not really, but you get the point)... I had a dream right before my alarm went off that they were going to hit me with a random test. When we were doing it, I really didn't even give it a thought at all... but I sat up in bed and just sat there. Low and behold... My boss sets the paperwork for the test on my desk as soon as I sit down. I guess 5 or 6 of us got one. Random my fucking ass...
I lied my ass off when the test came back negative, hoping and praying that I could save my job. My 3 bosses all believed me and actually did everything on there end that they could to try and save my job, or let them re-test me, but cooperate wouldn't let me. Since Monday i've tried making excuses for myself, trying to blame anyone but myself.... not anymore. *I* fucked up... *I* did it, and no one else is to blame. I feel like such a complete asshole right now... My 3 bosses were actually a few of the greatest people i've worked with, and I lied right to their faces to cover my ass... I deserved to lose my job...I even lied to my best friend.
Badger, if you are reading this... i'm sorry. I usually pride myself on being a truthful person, especially with friends, but I was embarassed and angry, and in denial. I just didn't want anyone to know...
We just put $200 down on an apartment for an Oct. 1st move in... I'm at a loss. Even with my job we would have been struggling. In the past anything bad that happened in my life was usually followed up by something good... I'm in a position for life to be better then it's ever been and after all the shitty things i've done, I somehow dout it'll pull though for the better. I interviewed for a live in leasing agent and asst. manager job at an apartment complex in a great neighborhood right where we daydreamed about getting a place at. My pay for showing apartments and minor maintenance would be a awesome two bedroom apartment. We wouldn't have ever been able to afford this place on our own... and it'd only be evenings and weekends when the manager lady wasn't there or busy. So I could get a part time job someplace close by and make $$ for my car payment or possible go back to school. I never thought going back to school was realistic after everything recently, but there's hope... I'm so scared right now... I know I fucked up, but this job would be my saving grace. I'll find out either this weekend or Monday if I got it... the interview went great i thought... but i guess I was the first to call her because I saw her ad online before the newspaper was even published and called about it.
It's scary how one single day... hell even a single minute of that day can change how you look at life and your future. One minute we're excited about getting a new place (albeit a hole and in a scary neighborhood.... but it would be OURs..) now i'm jobless, scared, and waiting nervously for the pendulum to either drop on my head, or the clouds clearing and live turning grand. It's a big eye opener and a much needed slap in the face.
As I mentioned before, I'm turning over a new leaf.... I'm done... I fucked up my life because of a stupid habit. I think this was my wake up call, and had this not happened, I probabaly wouldn't have even considered quiting. I never thought i'd be in a situation like this... I always said.. "it'll never happen to me, i'll never get into a bad habit like that...". I guess the hardest lessons are the lessons best learned.
Love you guys...
April
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
storey:
Just remember, you need anything and you got it. Whatever i can do to help you out. Im keeping an eye and an ear out for jobs for ya kiddo. Dont worry though itll all work out. Even if I have to spend all night drinking at the bar!......... 
hmmm....that may not really help things much.......but its still a damn fine idea.
hmmm....that may not really help things much.......but its still a damn fine idea.
storey:
I hope your doing ok, kiddo.