So yeah, life has been stressful as of late. Last week I had to inventory pretty much everything that I own to see what I'm worth. In the end...it's not much. I'm not one to sit here and value myself by my possesions, but damn it gets depressing when you realize that you've been working so hard for so little. But at least it's a step towards getting this divorced finalized...
On that front, things have gotten a bit rocky as of today. For a while, it had been going well, both of us able to treat the other with a measure of civility. Then she asks me today if I can drop off our daughter late, as she'll be in Madison anyway. Sure, no problem. She shows up with nasty make-out chafing all over her face...now, I understand that she's gonna fool around. She's a great looking girl, and for all purposes free. But jesus, would rather not have it shoved in my face. Not to mention, I'm not going to feel all that great about making extra time so she can have a booty call...
On top of that, I keep getting these comments of "oh, you wanted this". Again, I get where she's coming from. I was the one that initiated this. But it's not a matter of WANT. I initiated the divorce because I couldn't get her to address the issues that kept coming up. No matter what, they always ended up as my fault. If I brought up the fact that she cheated on me in an argument, how dare I bring that up. If I wanted her to address her marital issues from the past husband? That's not any of my business, how dare I bring that up. I want her to take therapy seriously, and bring up the point that those two issues are tearing us apart? How dare I change the subject. I felt backed into a corner with no other options. I didn't WANT to put us through this. I didn't WANT to tear our family apart. I just came to the realization that while I loved her, and I still do to be honest, we just didn't work together in any way outside of the bedroom.
I guess that's why it hurt seein her after she obviously went out and fooled around. The physicality between us was the one point that was faultless. And to see her already fucking around kinda hurts. I haven't myself, as I really don't know if I'm ready to, and I'm still rather hung up on her. I understand that she can do what she wants, and I brought this on myself. But damn it sucks.
Anyway, yeah. The weekend with the little one was a blast, as always. She's always able to cheer me up. But tonight just threw me through a mental tailspin. Hoping some pool with the buddies tonight will get me out of this funk. Otherwise, it's gonna be a long week.
Hope everyone else is fine, sorry for not being around much.
On that front, things have gotten a bit rocky as of today. For a while, it had been going well, both of us able to treat the other with a measure of civility. Then she asks me today if I can drop off our daughter late, as she'll be in Madison anyway. Sure, no problem. She shows up with nasty make-out chafing all over her face...now, I understand that she's gonna fool around. She's a great looking girl, and for all purposes free. But jesus, would rather not have it shoved in my face. Not to mention, I'm not going to feel all that great about making extra time so she can have a booty call...
On top of that, I keep getting these comments of "oh, you wanted this". Again, I get where she's coming from. I was the one that initiated this. But it's not a matter of WANT. I initiated the divorce because I couldn't get her to address the issues that kept coming up. No matter what, they always ended up as my fault. If I brought up the fact that she cheated on me in an argument, how dare I bring that up. If I wanted her to address her marital issues from the past husband? That's not any of my business, how dare I bring that up. I want her to take therapy seriously, and bring up the point that those two issues are tearing us apart? How dare I change the subject. I felt backed into a corner with no other options. I didn't WANT to put us through this. I didn't WANT to tear our family apart. I just came to the realization that while I loved her, and I still do to be honest, we just didn't work together in any way outside of the bedroom.
I guess that's why it hurt seein her after she obviously went out and fooled around. The physicality between us was the one point that was faultless. And to see her already fucking around kinda hurts. I haven't myself, as I really don't know if I'm ready to, and I'm still rather hung up on her. I understand that she can do what she wants, and I brought this on myself. But damn it sucks.
Anyway, yeah. The weekend with the little one was a blast, as always. She's always able to cheer me up. But tonight just threw me through a mental tailspin. Hoping some pool with the buddies tonight will get me out of this funk. Otherwise, it's gonna be a long week.
Hope everyone else is fine, sorry for not being around much.
copper_fyre:
come to jovian! i'll buy you a drink!!
machinefuck:
Damn. I'm here for ya! Call me anytime.