On Thursday the 17th of April, I had probably what will be one of the most important nights of my life. I went to a witch coven, a pagan gathering, in an old tower north of Stockholm.
First I must tell you of the girl who brought me there, for the chances are she could figure very large in my changing life. Her name is Linda. She is Cancerian of incredible Air-ness. Linda is a beautiful blonde, brown-eyed woman of 22 years of a very delicate build. Like a young birch tree. She has these small amazingly perfect teeth. Pixie teeth. She stands just short of the bridge of my nose. She is a witch, a psychic, a multi-talented artist and an amazing human being. She would truly not look at all out of place with pointed ears and feet that never touched the ground. Physically she is Fae-touched.
I first met Linda when she came back to visit her former place of employment. My first words to her were a softly accusing: "You're a Wiccan aren't you?". To which she laughed uncertain and replied: "Well, actually, it's Earth Magic.". I liked her immediately, but I am wary of my own predeliction or having it far too easy to form crushes on people I don't know. So I held back.
For some months, she would come and go and we would talk. But always I kept my guard up. And she knew. She saw right through me.
I would see her outside on the street for she worked on a street not far from where I lived, in a flower shop. She often takes rose petals and cast-off cuttings home from her work to use in her herbal medicines, charms, teas and even tobaccos.
It came up once that she didn't like having new guys in her life because of the magical storm that surrounded her and seemed to bring chaos into the lives of others. I felt she was too hard on herself and that she was underestimating how strong I was in that aspect.
Eventually, it seems something...changed. I asked her about people who were fire-spinners who would not mind teaching and accompanying me for fire-spinning. This has not turned out so far but I have another avenue I haven't taken advantage of yet called homeofpoi.com. In turn, she asked if I was interested in going to a 'party' in a spooky, old tower. I replied indeed I was. In truth I was expecting a rave held in an old water tower. The reality was wholly different, and "holy" better.
Weeks passed and I instinctively knew she was not one you pursued and hassled with the earthly things. I decided that if she was going to be a part of my life, then it would be on her time not mine. Such are the powerful Air influences in her and around her. There was a time when I visited her at her flower shop, and she was explaining how there would always be a leaf-devils (spinning, dancing columns of leaves that seemingly play) and baby sylphs (child-sized gusts of wind, visible in the things they affect, that do not follow the ambient wind patterns) and a change in the air wherever she walked. That always she was followed and surrounded by wind of some sort. Being the bizarre boy that I am I replied without thinking: "Perhaps you should stop eating beans.". She paused for a second, then burst out laughing. "How could you SAY that!?!". I could only shrug and laugh myself.
Eventually we did have that important phonecall and we did meet up. She was late as I knew she would always be. I met up with her ex Erik. He reminds me in some ways of my friend Paul, but still very different. Erik is a very good looking guy and I think quite a few of my female friends would find him attractive. He is a multi-instrumentalist and paints mushroom-inspired psychedelic paintings. He claims to be acquainted with Simon Posford of Hallucinogen (probably the best producer of Goa trance ever) and Shpongle fame.
They were both dressed up. They both possessed smaller Gandalf-esque type witches' hats that were home made. Erik was in earth tones, hemp fiber trousers and hemp hat, with a brown tiger-striped bull rooster's tail feather in it. Linda was in smooth Indian purples and pinks with a purple witch's hat to match. All over her hat, clothes and in her hair were little butterflies. She was in a word: Enchanting. I ceased to be surprised that boys would fall in love with her immediately. But I had something I never expected on my side for protection. I had history of pain. Experience and Pain. Which I will explain later....
*****************
And so we arrived at Sollentuna. A station north of Stockholm. We were going to a hill named the 'Blue Hill'. It was so named because of the apartment buildings arranged around it were all paneled in a dull plastic dark baby blue. But it is also a clever name of reference. For in the South of Sweden, there is a famous 'Blue Hill' where the myths say the witches gathered for the biggest covens of all.
As Above, So Below, As Below, So Above.
When I finally saw the tower, I was very wrong in my assumptions. What I thought was a water tower, was more definitely in resemblance to forgotten clock tower. Red brick it was, spooky indeed, with a curved green copper roof. All alone on a large block of smoothly eroded granite.
We approached.
Within was a very narrow passage of stairs leading up. And when we arrived to the middle floor there was an opening ceremony in session. The main sisters were declaring their names and making their wishes for the night. Linda - late as usual - was given the speaking rod where she appeared out of the stairs.
The room was small and there were already 2 dozen souls. Everywhere fetishes, and paintings and incense. On one wall was a painting of Medicine Woman with Brother Dolphin and Brother Scarab Beetle. It was in bright blue, yellow, red and brown. On another wall was a painting of a woman under a starry sky and the moon was crying letters of magic onto the woman's robe. Something howled next to her....my memory too hazy to remember what. The motifs were similar on the other walls. I'm afraid I was too distracted by the gaggle gathered before me.
Everywhere there burned red candles. In the center of the carpeted and fur-covered floor was a giving place. I put my sharings of Tortilla Chips and Dip and Digestive biscuits in with the popcorn and potato crisps that others had brought. In the back of the room, there was another giving place. This one more of an altar. There was jewelry, little ziploc bags of greenish suspicion, wands, feathers and other fetishes. I thought rather stupidly that it was where I could buy weed. Linda corrected me thankfully, before I made a fool of myself.
There was so much feminine energy around. Women dominated this coven.
Later a blonde middle-aged witch with silver horns would sing traditional Swedish story-songs. Clever little fables in poetic form that the 'skalds', viking bards used to sing. Or perhaps mothers a thousand years ago sang to their children. Of wells that gave gifts, and birds who wanted to be payed in salt, and foolish boys who did foolish things for pride and love, and preening princesses made humble by a vicious supernatural prank.
Several times a drum circle would start. These were fun, and it's amazing how you lose track of time. Voices would just raise. Here perhaps is where the men got to play hardest. They ulalayed in loud passionate voices and everyone beat their rattles in time. A crazy young man named Per was the most expressive. Making crazy faces, ulalaying ridiculously, a true Pan. He made me laugh. It was not till long after that Linda would ask me "Why didn't YOU dance?"....and I then saw how almost unnatural it was not to join in.
In their own tough, the women had their cackles down. And the Apache-esque 'lee-lee-lee-lee!!!' that you may have heard on Xena: Warrior Princess.
I drank my bottle of wine. And went around and said hello. I discussed tarot decks and astrology. I discussed perception and belief. I had a good time.
Sometimes, me and Linda would go down to the bonfire. Do you know how long it's been since I've sat down next to a bonfire? A real, naked, warming flame? TOO long. Fresh pine needles were piled on suddenly in one sitting. A it flared up and a juniper smell filled the air, a modern bard from Ireland raised out his arms and shouted in Gaelic. What he said I do not know. His fellow guitarist was apparently the most famous and talented folk guitar player in Sweden. His name slips my mind. How amusing it is to see the famous with connections to gatherings like these.
Unfortunately the cops came and told us to put out the fire. A rather inebriated male member of the festivities drunkenly and valiantly tried to sway them with clever words and mangled quotations of fire laws. In the end, he politely asked all decent women to leave the area and peed the fire out with the beer he had rented earlier.
Back upstairs, an exotic girl who had been smiling at me earlier came and sat next down to me and began talking. She said one of the best things of the night: "Do you smoke hash?". I said "Sure, do you have any?". I proceeded to get to know a girl with my name. Mine is spelt Munir, but her's is spelt Monir with an 'o'. As the brown snot-like substance sublimated into my lungs I shared many things her, and she with me. She reinforced just how much I love Geminis for that's what she was. And it was really amazing to talk with this girl with my name and so many things we connected on, so may odd things I knew, she also knew. It was wonderfully weird. She is an Iranian-Finnish mix. And studies Art Science. I have her number, and someday I'll call her and find out if it wasn't all that hash talking. For those who are my staunch allies, don't bother, she has a boyfriend but thanks for caring. It's alright.
*****************
Early the next morning, Linda and I were one of the last to leave. Many on their way out wanted to see me again. We went back to Linda's place. We slept in a sofa-bed that had two parts. Together but not together. But I felt honoured at being trusted so much.
Linda and I discussed many things when we woke up again. She created a tobacco and a tea in front of me for clients. She would wave her hands over them and weave spells over them. She created a little packet of herbs for me. She said I'd know what to do with it. I have it now under my pillow. I made my first prayer through it last night.
Linda is a woman who is not short of friends. But she has a problem with men falling in love with her. Linda is an old soul and most boys have nothing to teach her. Up until a few months ago, she was essentially in some sort of relationship 6 - 7 years straight. She knows now she will not meet a man with an older soul. Or at least that's what she has accepted. She doesn't want to invest time, love and energy in a relationship that cannot return what she needs and wants back to her. And she gives her love too easily herself. Now she wants to be single and self-focused. As of last count she has 8 suitors. Those in her past who cannot forget her, many more. She does not intend to hurt, and she is not malicious. It is just the way things are and she feels responsible.
She would like a male energy around, WITHOUT the hassle.
Myself, I have no problems making friends. But I can never find a lover. I have gone through a long trial with one of my best friends in my life. It has not been easy and I have carried a lot alone. Some has been self-inflicted, some perhaps unecesarily worsened by my self-hatred or childish emotional reactions. But much, is simply the result of unrequited affection...and perhaps a broken heart. From the beginning I wondered what the point of it was. What it was all for. I think I have a reason now. For with the scars and caution I bear from those trials, I can be this male energy for Linda. I can certainly see that without that past, that history, I would have just been another luckless heart. I can see and recognise the path I walked before, and avoid that path now. The similarities are incredible between the two. As if I met two sisters from the same family one after the other. But I have gone through the fire. It hurt and I bear scars. But the scars protect me. And I have much caution within my thinking and feeling. There is a strange detachment I didn't have before within my feeling center. I can see how I could have a crush, but it won't be....a crush. I have come to her when she needed one like me. I am certain there is no other male like me in her world.
Linda in her turn has come to help me help myself. I have perhaps mentioned cryptically to some of you about a block. Other times I have mentioned my 'Curse'. She could see that I have in me a block. A blockage that painfully hobbles me. And that block is me. I cannot remove it or throw it away or destroy it, because it IS me. Ironically, I must accept it, forgive it, and embrace it in order to release it. It sounds so simple in concept but in reality, in practice it is difficult. I don't know where or how to start. I don't even really recognise it. If you asked me what I think it's made of I could only vaguely refer you to my self-hatred, my perfectionism, my high expectations of self, my simple inability to just accept me as I am. Linda told me that I am not allowed to have a lover. Plain and simple. Because I must love myself first.
One of the best things she said to me that night was that she knew in actuality, I was a very good partner for her, near perfect. I knew this too. Although I couldn't figure out what I could possibly teach a soul older than me. I have said the same for the one who came before her. But....there is always a "BUT"....I am blocked, handicapped, unready.
This frustrates me because I don't want to suddenly figure it out at 40 years of age. I said so to Linda. She in her own way simply said: " Then you'll be the most attractive 40 year old on the planet!"
I laughed but was frustrated all the same. "Dammit! I want to be attractive NOW! I'll miss so much by the time I'm 40!". One can almost picture me rolling on the floor like a child, pounding fists and legs into the floor: "WAAAAAAAAAAH!!!"
Such is the insane annoyance of spirtual growth.
But, as was hinted to me, so many opportunities will make themselves available if I only learn to love. All that I have missed, will make itself up.
*****************
It has been a few days gone now. I have resolved that July of this year, will be month I will embrace my block fully. I don't want enlightenment at 40. I want it at 26. And I CAN do it.
There are many changes this year. This might really be the year that it all changes for the better. And it all starts within me. Perhaps a new country. Definitely a new career. A new school or a new job. new loves and new travels.
Thank You for Listening,
Love,
Munir
First I must tell you of the girl who brought me there, for the chances are she could figure very large in my changing life. Her name is Linda. She is Cancerian of incredible Air-ness. Linda is a beautiful blonde, brown-eyed woman of 22 years of a very delicate build. Like a young birch tree. She has these small amazingly perfect teeth. Pixie teeth. She stands just short of the bridge of my nose. She is a witch, a psychic, a multi-talented artist and an amazing human being. She would truly not look at all out of place with pointed ears and feet that never touched the ground. Physically she is Fae-touched.
I first met Linda when she came back to visit her former place of employment. My first words to her were a softly accusing: "You're a Wiccan aren't you?". To which she laughed uncertain and replied: "Well, actually, it's Earth Magic.". I liked her immediately, but I am wary of my own predeliction or having it far too easy to form crushes on people I don't know. So I held back.
For some months, she would come and go and we would talk. But always I kept my guard up. And she knew. She saw right through me.
I would see her outside on the street for she worked on a street not far from where I lived, in a flower shop. She often takes rose petals and cast-off cuttings home from her work to use in her herbal medicines, charms, teas and even tobaccos.
It came up once that she didn't like having new guys in her life because of the magical storm that surrounded her and seemed to bring chaos into the lives of others. I felt she was too hard on herself and that she was underestimating how strong I was in that aspect.
Eventually, it seems something...changed. I asked her about people who were fire-spinners who would not mind teaching and accompanying me for fire-spinning. This has not turned out so far but I have another avenue I haven't taken advantage of yet called homeofpoi.com. In turn, she asked if I was interested in going to a 'party' in a spooky, old tower. I replied indeed I was. In truth I was expecting a rave held in an old water tower. The reality was wholly different, and "holy" better.
Weeks passed and I instinctively knew she was not one you pursued and hassled with the earthly things. I decided that if she was going to be a part of my life, then it would be on her time not mine. Such are the powerful Air influences in her and around her. There was a time when I visited her at her flower shop, and she was explaining how there would always be a leaf-devils (spinning, dancing columns of leaves that seemingly play) and baby sylphs (child-sized gusts of wind, visible in the things they affect, that do not follow the ambient wind patterns) and a change in the air wherever she walked. That always she was followed and surrounded by wind of some sort. Being the bizarre boy that I am I replied without thinking: "Perhaps you should stop eating beans.". She paused for a second, then burst out laughing. "How could you SAY that!?!". I could only shrug and laugh myself.
Eventually we did have that important phonecall and we did meet up. She was late as I knew she would always be. I met up with her ex Erik. He reminds me in some ways of my friend Paul, but still very different. Erik is a very good looking guy and I think quite a few of my female friends would find him attractive. He is a multi-instrumentalist and paints mushroom-inspired psychedelic paintings. He claims to be acquainted with Simon Posford of Hallucinogen (probably the best producer of Goa trance ever) and Shpongle fame.
They were both dressed up. They both possessed smaller Gandalf-esque type witches' hats that were home made. Erik was in earth tones, hemp fiber trousers and hemp hat, with a brown tiger-striped bull rooster's tail feather in it. Linda was in smooth Indian purples and pinks with a purple witch's hat to match. All over her hat, clothes and in her hair were little butterflies. She was in a word: Enchanting. I ceased to be surprised that boys would fall in love with her immediately. But I had something I never expected on my side for protection. I had history of pain. Experience and Pain. Which I will explain later....
*****************
And so we arrived at Sollentuna. A station north of Stockholm. We were going to a hill named the 'Blue Hill'. It was so named because of the apartment buildings arranged around it were all paneled in a dull plastic dark baby blue. But it is also a clever name of reference. For in the South of Sweden, there is a famous 'Blue Hill' where the myths say the witches gathered for the biggest covens of all.
As Above, So Below, As Below, So Above.
When I finally saw the tower, I was very wrong in my assumptions. What I thought was a water tower, was more definitely in resemblance to forgotten clock tower. Red brick it was, spooky indeed, with a curved green copper roof. All alone on a large block of smoothly eroded granite.
We approached.
Within was a very narrow passage of stairs leading up. And when we arrived to the middle floor there was an opening ceremony in session. The main sisters were declaring their names and making their wishes for the night. Linda - late as usual - was given the speaking rod where she appeared out of the stairs.
The room was small and there were already 2 dozen souls. Everywhere fetishes, and paintings and incense. On one wall was a painting of Medicine Woman with Brother Dolphin and Brother Scarab Beetle. It was in bright blue, yellow, red and brown. On another wall was a painting of a woman under a starry sky and the moon was crying letters of magic onto the woman's robe. Something howled next to her....my memory too hazy to remember what. The motifs were similar on the other walls. I'm afraid I was too distracted by the gaggle gathered before me.
Everywhere there burned red candles. In the center of the carpeted and fur-covered floor was a giving place. I put my sharings of Tortilla Chips and Dip and Digestive biscuits in with the popcorn and potato crisps that others had brought. In the back of the room, there was another giving place. This one more of an altar. There was jewelry, little ziploc bags of greenish suspicion, wands, feathers and other fetishes. I thought rather stupidly that it was where I could buy weed. Linda corrected me thankfully, before I made a fool of myself.
There was so much feminine energy around. Women dominated this coven.
Later a blonde middle-aged witch with silver horns would sing traditional Swedish story-songs. Clever little fables in poetic form that the 'skalds', viking bards used to sing. Or perhaps mothers a thousand years ago sang to their children. Of wells that gave gifts, and birds who wanted to be payed in salt, and foolish boys who did foolish things for pride and love, and preening princesses made humble by a vicious supernatural prank.
Several times a drum circle would start. These were fun, and it's amazing how you lose track of time. Voices would just raise. Here perhaps is where the men got to play hardest. They ulalayed in loud passionate voices and everyone beat their rattles in time. A crazy young man named Per was the most expressive. Making crazy faces, ulalaying ridiculously, a true Pan. He made me laugh. It was not till long after that Linda would ask me "Why didn't YOU dance?"....and I then saw how almost unnatural it was not to join in.
In their own tough, the women had their cackles down. And the Apache-esque 'lee-lee-lee-lee!!!' that you may have heard on Xena: Warrior Princess.
I drank my bottle of wine. And went around and said hello. I discussed tarot decks and astrology. I discussed perception and belief. I had a good time.
Sometimes, me and Linda would go down to the bonfire. Do you know how long it's been since I've sat down next to a bonfire? A real, naked, warming flame? TOO long. Fresh pine needles were piled on suddenly in one sitting. A it flared up and a juniper smell filled the air, a modern bard from Ireland raised out his arms and shouted in Gaelic. What he said I do not know. His fellow guitarist was apparently the most famous and talented folk guitar player in Sweden. His name slips my mind. How amusing it is to see the famous with connections to gatherings like these.
Unfortunately the cops came and told us to put out the fire. A rather inebriated male member of the festivities drunkenly and valiantly tried to sway them with clever words and mangled quotations of fire laws. In the end, he politely asked all decent women to leave the area and peed the fire out with the beer he had rented earlier.
Back upstairs, an exotic girl who had been smiling at me earlier came and sat next down to me and began talking. She said one of the best things of the night: "Do you smoke hash?". I said "Sure, do you have any?". I proceeded to get to know a girl with my name. Mine is spelt Munir, but her's is spelt Monir with an 'o'. As the brown snot-like substance sublimated into my lungs I shared many things her, and she with me. She reinforced just how much I love Geminis for that's what she was. And it was really amazing to talk with this girl with my name and so many things we connected on, so may odd things I knew, she also knew. It was wonderfully weird. She is an Iranian-Finnish mix. And studies Art Science. I have her number, and someday I'll call her and find out if it wasn't all that hash talking. For those who are my staunch allies, don't bother, she has a boyfriend but thanks for caring. It's alright.
*****************
Early the next morning, Linda and I were one of the last to leave. Many on their way out wanted to see me again. We went back to Linda's place. We slept in a sofa-bed that had two parts. Together but not together. But I felt honoured at being trusted so much.
Linda and I discussed many things when we woke up again. She created a tobacco and a tea in front of me for clients. She would wave her hands over them and weave spells over them. She created a little packet of herbs for me. She said I'd know what to do with it. I have it now under my pillow. I made my first prayer through it last night.
Linda is a woman who is not short of friends. But she has a problem with men falling in love with her. Linda is an old soul and most boys have nothing to teach her. Up until a few months ago, she was essentially in some sort of relationship 6 - 7 years straight. She knows now she will not meet a man with an older soul. Or at least that's what she has accepted. She doesn't want to invest time, love and energy in a relationship that cannot return what she needs and wants back to her. And she gives her love too easily herself. Now she wants to be single and self-focused. As of last count she has 8 suitors. Those in her past who cannot forget her, many more. She does not intend to hurt, and she is not malicious. It is just the way things are and she feels responsible.
She would like a male energy around, WITHOUT the hassle.
Myself, I have no problems making friends. But I can never find a lover. I have gone through a long trial with one of my best friends in my life. It has not been easy and I have carried a lot alone. Some has been self-inflicted, some perhaps unecesarily worsened by my self-hatred or childish emotional reactions. But much, is simply the result of unrequited affection...and perhaps a broken heart. From the beginning I wondered what the point of it was. What it was all for. I think I have a reason now. For with the scars and caution I bear from those trials, I can be this male energy for Linda. I can certainly see that without that past, that history, I would have just been another luckless heart. I can see and recognise the path I walked before, and avoid that path now. The similarities are incredible between the two. As if I met two sisters from the same family one after the other. But I have gone through the fire. It hurt and I bear scars. But the scars protect me. And I have much caution within my thinking and feeling. There is a strange detachment I didn't have before within my feeling center. I can see how I could have a crush, but it won't be....a crush. I have come to her when she needed one like me. I am certain there is no other male like me in her world.
Linda in her turn has come to help me help myself. I have perhaps mentioned cryptically to some of you about a block. Other times I have mentioned my 'Curse'. She could see that I have in me a block. A blockage that painfully hobbles me. And that block is me. I cannot remove it or throw it away or destroy it, because it IS me. Ironically, I must accept it, forgive it, and embrace it in order to release it. It sounds so simple in concept but in reality, in practice it is difficult. I don't know where or how to start. I don't even really recognise it. If you asked me what I think it's made of I could only vaguely refer you to my self-hatred, my perfectionism, my high expectations of self, my simple inability to just accept me as I am. Linda told me that I am not allowed to have a lover. Plain and simple. Because I must love myself first.
One of the best things she said to me that night was that she knew in actuality, I was a very good partner for her, near perfect. I knew this too. Although I couldn't figure out what I could possibly teach a soul older than me. I have said the same for the one who came before her. But....there is always a "BUT"....I am blocked, handicapped, unready.
This frustrates me because I don't want to suddenly figure it out at 40 years of age. I said so to Linda. She in her own way simply said: " Then you'll be the most attractive 40 year old on the planet!"
I laughed but was frustrated all the same. "Dammit! I want to be attractive NOW! I'll miss so much by the time I'm 40!". One can almost picture me rolling on the floor like a child, pounding fists and legs into the floor: "WAAAAAAAAAAH!!!"
Such is the insane annoyance of spirtual growth.
But, as was hinted to me, so many opportunities will make themselves available if I only learn to love. All that I have missed, will make itself up.
*****************
It has been a few days gone now. I have resolved that July of this year, will be month I will embrace my block fully. I don't want enlightenment at 40. I want it at 26. And I CAN do it.
There are many changes this year. This might really be the year that it all changes for the better. And it all starts within me. Perhaps a new country. Definitely a new career. A new school or a new job. new loves and new travels.
Thank You for Listening,
Love,
Munir
VIEW 12 of 12 COMMENTS
and yes, i'm on the airwaves here and there