i have edited my profile to update it and make it a little more currently relevant.
it was bugging me, for whatever reason, that the information was all so old.
i do not sleep so much now. before Cass left me i was sleeping fine. Now, i wake in jumps or hyperventilating after only a few minutes. We have that moment at the edge of waking where we are almost aware, but certainly not yet awake. Each time i wake, in this moment, i suddenly re-realize what my situation is, as if i somewhat forgot while briefly sleeping. The horror of it throws me awake in a jump, hence the hyperventilating. I might be able to say that waking is the worst part of the day.. but it is so difficult to quantify such things.
I tried to get out of the apartment a few times this past weekend. I thought that perhaps i might benefit from interacting with others. I went to an annual street fair here in detroit. While i did see a few old aquaintances that it was nice to catch up with, or see a final time, the experience was hurtful on the whole. Trying to interact with people only reinforced for me just how fucking different i am from most everyone. I couldn't have been more alone in a vast crowd. It was hard not to consider that this is my nightmare; i am an abhoration, totally alone here. I will not be loved, and i will not be understood.
it was bugging me, for whatever reason, that the information was all so old.
i do not sleep so much now. before Cass left me i was sleeping fine. Now, i wake in jumps or hyperventilating after only a few minutes. We have that moment at the edge of waking where we are almost aware, but certainly not yet awake. Each time i wake, in this moment, i suddenly re-realize what my situation is, as if i somewhat forgot while briefly sleeping. The horror of it throws me awake in a jump, hence the hyperventilating. I might be able to say that waking is the worst part of the day.. but it is so difficult to quantify such things.
I tried to get out of the apartment a few times this past weekend. I thought that perhaps i might benefit from interacting with others. I went to an annual street fair here in detroit. While i did see a few old aquaintances that it was nice to catch up with, or see a final time, the experience was hurtful on the whole. Trying to interact with people only reinforced for me just how fucking different i am from most everyone. I couldn't have been more alone in a vast crowd. It was hard not to consider that this is my nightmare; i am an abhoration, totally alone here. I will not be loved, and i will not be understood.
And I will see your response easier if you respond in my blog.