so..feeling pretty down today..not unusual actually, but today seems to be significantly stronger than others.
chris msg'd me on aim and proceeded to show me a picture of a table he has placed in him room where my vanity used to sit...it's got two chairs..TWO...so if he has company someone can sit with him..i don't think that company will be me...which is sad for me, but i'm not going to share that with anyone i'm pretty sure everyone is tired of me whining about being dumped..it's just so - devastating...i've never had feelings like this before for someone. ever. period. and today still my feelings are deep imbedded inside my heart..or brain whatever..
i picked up cosmo today at the walmart that my mom and i shop at for groceries...it stated the following :
"a breakup is extra brutal when your ex seems to shrug it off. the truth is, he's upset - he just has more practice hiding. "women judge their success by their relationships, so if one fails, they think about it all day,"
...says therapist jay m. levin, phd, relationship coach in freehold township, new jersey. since men base their identities more on their jobs, they can shelve their relationship thoughts and focus on work. "women also are more affected by oxytocin, a chemical released by the body during relationships, so after a breakup, women biologicall respond more adversely," adds levin. guys do sulk, but only when they're alone--and yes, going out drinking is his version of crying on the couch with ice cream."
= try EVERYDAY!
sooo i'm wondering if this a good theory..i personally don't know this levin character..but chris did mention wanting to go visit his friend in temecula, to get wasted...hrm..but he does that everytime i went on vacation away from him..does that mean he missed me while i was on vacation or is this some sort of different 'drinking' need? all i know is that the suspense of him msg'ing me when he signs on and saying 'lets talk' is killing me and it's yet to happen, and i'm starting to believe it WON'T..mutual friends i speak to say he misses me A LOT...and talks about me while at work, saying he misses me ...and while expressing my feelings towards missing chris the other night said 'he misses u too' and when i said 'well why isn't he asking me to come back?!' he says 'hang in there' and thennnnn 'hang on'....now i might be jumpin the gun..but i think that's false hope because!!!!!! i don't think it's going to happen.
i really didn't think it would be like this once i got here..i thought okay i'd sulk a few days and then! i would get over it and move on...it's what we both wanted? sure..it's what we both wanted because there was no arguing anymore...i stopped talking to him really at the end before i left because i thought if i talked i would wind up staying and i didn't want that...A - because somehow i thought this was the right thing for us to be doing...B because i didn't want to sit there in that room running around in circles like i knew would happen..but NOW that he's brought up how he really feels about things were carried out in our relationship I.E. me not doing enough for him..which i think is bullshit..i feel like we could have made some adjustments and everything would have been fine...but i thought he wanted me to leave..i thought he didn't love me..
i'm still waiting for the rest of my stuff..i don't know why he doesn't send it..that's also giving me false hope..he's not sending it because he doesn't want me to have to send it back once i am back in CA? or he's just not remembering to put it in his car and truck it to work to send to me? who knows..he won't fucking talk to me..GOD...
my wrist hurts..
i'll come back later.
chris msg'd me on aim and proceeded to show me a picture of a table he has placed in him room where my vanity used to sit...it's got two chairs..TWO...so if he has company someone can sit with him..i don't think that company will be me...which is sad for me, but i'm not going to share that with anyone i'm pretty sure everyone is tired of me whining about being dumped..it's just so - devastating...i've never had feelings like this before for someone. ever. period. and today still my feelings are deep imbedded inside my heart..or brain whatever..
i picked up cosmo today at the walmart that my mom and i shop at for groceries...it stated the following :
"a breakup is extra brutal when your ex seems to shrug it off. the truth is, he's upset - he just has more practice hiding. "women judge their success by their relationships, so if one fails, they think about it all day,"
...says therapist jay m. levin, phd, relationship coach in freehold township, new jersey. since men base their identities more on their jobs, they can shelve their relationship thoughts and focus on work. "women also are more affected by oxytocin, a chemical released by the body during relationships, so after a breakup, women biologicall respond more adversely," adds levin. guys do sulk, but only when they're alone--and yes, going out drinking is his version of crying on the couch with ice cream."
= try EVERYDAY!
sooo i'm wondering if this a good theory..i personally don't know this levin character..but chris did mention wanting to go visit his friend in temecula, to get wasted...hrm..but he does that everytime i went on vacation away from him..does that mean he missed me while i was on vacation or is this some sort of different 'drinking' need? all i know is that the suspense of him msg'ing me when he signs on and saying 'lets talk' is killing me and it's yet to happen, and i'm starting to believe it WON'T..mutual friends i speak to say he misses me A LOT...and talks about me while at work, saying he misses me ...and while expressing my feelings towards missing chris the other night said 'he misses u too' and when i said 'well why isn't he asking me to come back?!' he says 'hang in there' and thennnnn 'hang on'....now i might be jumpin the gun..but i think that's false hope because!!!!!! i don't think it's going to happen.
i really didn't think it would be like this once i got here..i thought okay i'd sulk a few days and then! i would get over it and move on...it's what we both wanted? sure..it's what we both wanted because there was no arguing anymore...i stopped talking to him really at the end before i left because i thought if i talked i would wind up staying and i didn't want that...A - because somehow i thought this was the right thing for us to be doing...B because i didn't want to sit there in that room running around in circles like i knew would happen..but NOW that he's brought up how he really feels about things were carried out in our relationship I.E. me not doing enough for him..which i think is bullshit..i feel like we could have made some adjustments and everything would have been fine...but i thought he wanted me to leave..i thought he didn't love me..
i'm still waiting for the rest of my stuff..i don't know why he doesn't send it..that's also giving me false hope..he's not sending it because he doesn't want me to have to send it back once i am back in CA? or he's just not remembering to put it in his car and truck it to work to send to me? who knows..he won't fucking talk to me..GOD...
my wrist hurts..
i'll come back later.
rxdxt:
feel better
vanilla_bananie:
thanks ;p