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vampirate

I told the border guard that I consider myself a Citizen of The Universe. He was not impressed.

Member Since 2004

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Monday May 22, 2006

May 22, 2006
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Instead of subjecting everyone to the agonizing and uninteresting details of frustration and self-loathing, I'm going to just start posting recipies. If you can cook, these aren't for you. If you can't, these are in the spirit of Steve Carter's hypothetical cable access cooking show for bachelors, I'm Gettin' Laid, except not as good.

Everyone needs to be able to knock off a bread product. This is a simple, easy, unleavened half-hour concoction.

You will need:

  • 2 cups flour

  • 1 tsp salt

  • 1 tsp baking powder

  • 1 large egg

  • 2 tbsp oil

  • 1 tbsp vinegar

  • 2/3 cup beer (the darker the better)

Now do this:

  • Preheat your oven to 450 degrees Farenheit.

  • Combine flour, salt, and baking powder in a bowl that's more than big enough to hold them. Mix 'em well.

  • Crack egg into a bowl, and beat until relatively homogenous. Add oil, vinegar, and beer. Mix 'em well.

  • Add the wet stuff to the dry stuff. Mix everything until totally homogeneous.

  • Grease a cookie sheet with oil or Pam or whatever. Pour mixture out onto sheet, in a circle six to eight inches across, no more than an inch thick.

  • Stick it in the oven for 25 minutes.


here you go. You can use slices of this to mop up any excess saucy dishes you might have made to try to get someone into bed. Butter, margerine, and cheese also make good toppings (although not necessarily together).

Stay tuned for other easy as shit dishes that chicks like Al totally dig.

VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
agrippina:
Sounds intriguing, perhaps because of my peoples' penchant for unleavened bread. Granted, not so much "penchant for" vs. "OMFG grab your shit and run," but hey. Anything to complement sauciness.

[Edited on May 23, 2006 5:31PM]
May 23, 2006
hrh:
Your recipe was making my insomniac night. Then I realized, hey, I make something almost exactly like that, except there's more of it and I call it beer bread. What do you call yours? Beer puck? I guess my night is still made.

Anyway, since the theme seems to be cooking-for-sex, I'd like to make a recommendation. Once you've gotten the woman of your choice into bed with your amazing beer puck, you can amaze her all over againin the morning with beer pancakes (and other things, of course). Aunt Jemima's buttermilk pancake mix+beer. And you can use the crappy lager that your friends left in your fridge. God, I would be so stoked.
Jun 8, 2006

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