valgal

Yesterday I saw a little doggie gets its leg amputated.... I was volunteering at the veterinary hospital as part of my animal studies course, it wasn't like randomly on the street or anything, but nonetheless somewhat disturbing. I just have this image etched into my mind of this slab of meat resembling a red chicken drumstick just sitting on the surgery table... it was like to the right we have this cute little jack russell and to the left its hind leg... dog... leg...dog... leg.....oh it was just so wrong! I can't sit through a fucking horror movie but I somehow managed to witness muscle tissue pulsating as it was being sliced apart and listen to the grinding sounds of bone being filed down whilst the vet says "hmm, its just like sawing through timber". Oh my fragile mind will never be the same I tell ya! Animal surgery is much more brutal than I expected... the burning and ripping and hacking and pulling and tugging and tearing of things just doesn't seem right when dealing with little kitties and puppies insides! Apart from the violence and terror I quite enjoy it there except for the vet who is a total judgemental wank stain who I'm quite certain hates me, the looks of disgust he throws in my direction is a bit of a give away. Its kind of annoying getting treated like scum in general but especially since I'm giving up my own personal time to work for no money. I'm on a few waiting lists to volunteer at animal shelters which is what I'm more interested in, but the vet nursing stuff is all good experience until that opportunity arises.

My rent/bill/tattoo paying job as a tip rat or trash can kitten, which ever you'd prefer, is starting to shit me. Its all fun and games sorting through rubbish until you get to about the 3 month point and then you just really want to scream in the bosses face "take this job and shove it".. dead kennedys version of course. The money is great, I'm saving lots, and between that and my ipod its the only thing thats keeping me going. The plan is, i use the term 'plan' quite loosely, to attempt to keep this job til the end of the year and in theory i should have a wad of cash that will see me travelling to a town near you... unless you live near me in which case that would be no fun. But can I seriously maintain a position in the field of garbology for a whole 8 months!?! Thats a lot of bags of poo to be picking up! If i was money hungry it would be no trouble but the thing is money doesn't interest me, its just that the things i want to do require a lot of money, unfortunately. I'm not too happy about having to wait out the year to travel, it seems like I'm forever pushing the goal further away but I guess this way is more realistic and convenient. I would have finished my animal studies course by then, and should have the funds to at the very least have a fucking rad holiday....possibly even covering a few destinations and then of course actually having some money to fall back on when I come home... if I come home! Who knows.

My little bunny escaped a couple of weeks ago and never returned which totally sux. I was kind of in denial for a while and was staying hopeful he'd come back as he did once before, but it looks like he's goneskies forever. It kind of hit me the other day when I was looking at some pics of him and shed a bit of a tear to myself. He was the coolest rabbit I ever met, not only coz his name was Eugene, but he used to let me hold him like a baby and was just never phased by anything, not even Hellcat's swiping. The stupid harsh reality of the situation is that he probably got eaten but since i don't know for sure I like to think he is in the forest with a hot little girl bunny having a jolly good old time.

I should also add that if I disappear suddenly one day then it was nice knowing you! To explain, its possible my account here will run out soon unless i put up another set and although the idea seems good in theory I just don't feel up for it lately. I'm not in the most stable state of mind, I'm generally repulsed by my reflection and recent side on photos have revealed I'm sporting some sort of gull which I am rather disturbed by. I'm letting myself go a bit, resorting to wearing track suit pants whilst dipping chocolate in cups of tea for breakfast. Don't feel too sorry for me though, I'm so fucking bipolar these days I'll probably think I'm hot shit next week.


ValGal