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vajaejae

Little Falls

Member Since 2008

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Thursday Jun 26, 2008

Jun 26, 2008
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So... I've been kinda MIA from the comp recently (with sickness and work and the like)...finally getting my myspace & SG fix. I haven't posted a blog since I opened my account (...like 2 weeks ago)... so here I go....

Here's what is basically consuming my thoughts 24/7 - I need some advice...

My boyfriend suffers from depression. He also drinks a little too much, a little too often. He doesn't get angry or violent or anything...just more depressed. He went through a really messy divorce about a year and half ago, and unfortunately the drama never ends because they share an adorable, smart, amazing 3 year old son together.

He's a great guy! My friends like him (most of the time)... my family LOVES him. He's done a lot for me (he's quite handy and has fixed many a car problems for myself...and most recently GetFighted..he's fixed a bunch of stuff in my Dad's house as well). Our 4mo anniversary just passed...and I feel like we've already lost that spark!

I love him and I care a lot about him..but there are things missing in our relationship and I don't quite know how to deal with him. He's basically stopped being affectionate (i'm very affectionate)...and has very little sex drive ( I'm the exact opposite). He blames it on the fact that he's depressed over all the shit his ex continues to put him through and his current lack of work (he's an Electrician and business is slow). He has some other issues that bother him as well...all fixable. I've tried to help him find another job...I've tried to help him with the other fixable issues...but he seems to not have any drive to do anything to better his situation. And basically if his situation doesn't get better...then our relationship doesn't get back to where it was either.

I don't want to give up on him. I love him. I want to help him. I don't know how to help him.

I do know that I'm not getting what I need out of the relationship (actions speak louder than words...and him simply saying "I love you" and not backing it up just isn't cutting it anymore)...and I'm starting to get depressed. And ANYONE who knows me will tell you that I'm one of the last people you'd expect to be depressed... I have a tendency to hold on to sadness, grudges etc for all about 5 mins.

I've been given the advice that just because my last relationship was so shitty doesn't mean that because this one isn't as shitty, that it makes it a good one...or that I should settle for it.

So what do I do? I want to help him... I want to be with him... But what do I do, and how long do I wait for things to get better?

Grrrr.... frown
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
infinity:
It's a difficult situation. Depression is a nasty devil and causes people to not seem like themselves anymore, become unmotivated and uninterested. From what you're describing, he's definitely suffering from some kind of depression. He seems to have what I call controllable depression - meaning that as you concluded, the causes are things going on in his life that he can control and fix.

Is it a simple lack of motivation? Maybe. He feels helpless and powerless despite the fact that he isn't. How to convince him of that fact isn't something I know the answer to. You've tried to help him but it doesn't seem to have had an effect. I'd say try and set up something small that's a sure win for him but that's hard to both find and pull off successfully.


If it's possible, he should seek some sort of professional assistance. Talking about his current situation with a neutral third party would hopefully help him sort things out in his mind. Hopefully it would.

I really wish I could have been more helpful since I know how horrible depression is and what it does to people. It's difficult.
Jun 27, 2008
getfighted:
My advice to you is to join the girls only group once youve been here for a month, (Which is in a few days) get some input from girls who have been through this, and obviously, you know how I feel about everything... The rest is up to you my golden child.
Jun 28, 2008

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