vaille

"theres nothing fucking wrong with me but im not your fucking girlfriend"

I know. I've told you this time and again that I know. I understand. I don't want anything else but to be friends with you, just friends, only friends, just like we were before you left this city. I can't get you to understand that, though, no matter how many times I say it.

So I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I thought about you almost every day. I'm sorry that I worried. I'm sorry that I called and texted you so much. I'm sorry that I dreamed about you. I'm sorry that I smiled when I watched an episode of ATHF or heard a bit of your favorite Linkin Park song, because both of these things reminded me of you. I'm sorry that I felt better any time you texted me or answered one of my calls. I'm sorry that I'm shedding tears thinking about how much my life would be so much brighter if you would simply listen to me and understand.

I'm sorry about scaring you or making you upset. I'm sorry about pissing you off with what I've been doing. I'm sorry about looking forward to hugging you at the end of a long day and telling you good night. I'm sorry about calling you nicknames, like I do with all of my friends, and making it seem like I was some sort of delusional freak. I'm sorry about loving you and thinking that you're beautiful. I'm sorry for hoping that you turn out to be a successful woman and perhaps even an outstanding mother. I'm sorry for standing here, with my heart in my throat, making a fool out of myself.

I'm sorry for telling you goodbye. And I'm sorry for all the things left unsaid.