Aaaahhhhhhhhhhhh!!! Tour is over.
Now I know how much of a social retard I really am.
I've always wanted to be a nomad, but I never pictured myself wandering with others. I suppose I am too distracted by others to enjoy the journey. I would like to just hop a train and get on the path. I'd write my thoughts in a journal. Maybe meet a few strangers, then go my seperate way.
It seems that I can't come out of my shell in the presence of my boyfriend. With any boyfriend. I've noticed the difference between being single and not. Being single; I either feel pretty confident and somewhat outgoing, or I stay home and do what I do. With someone; I feel uncomfortable and self conscious, the words tangle before I can conjure them up from the depths, I begin to hate myself for dragging myself through the endless painful pattern, for being such a pathetic fucking coward. When I'm at home I'm restless, bored, uninspired, I just want to sleep and read or watch tv - escape.
I don't think it will can be solved by breaking up, that's not what I want to do. Maybe I should go see a shrink.
I think that I just funnel all of my energy into him.
Now I know how much of a social retard I really am.
I've always wanted to be a nomad, but I never pictured myself wandering with others. I suppose I am too distracted by others to enjoy the journey. I would like to just hop a train and get on the path. I'd write my thoughts in a journal. Maybe meet a few strangers, then go my seperate way.
It seems that I can't come out of my shell in the presence of my boyfriend. With any boyfriend. I've noticed the difference between being single and not. Being single; I either feel pretty confident and somewhat outgoing, or I stay home and do what I do. With someone; I feel uncomfortable and self conscious, the words tangle before I can conjure them up from the depths, I begin to hate myself for dragging myself through the endless painful pattern, for being such a pathetic fucking coward. When I'm at home I'm restless, bored, uninspired, I just want to sleep and read or watch tv - escape.
I don't think it will can be solved by breaking up, that's not what I want to do. Maybe I should go see a shrink.
I think that I just funnel all of my energy into him.
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
hearts:
Hmmm... I know I have met you somewhere in the "real" world, but I just can't place you...?
morphisto:
