I can't really say I have any exciting updates or news after not being on here for a month. Those of you who follow me know I'm a major homebody.
More than anything I've just been trying to survive. This past year has felt like one struggle to hold on. Recently I gave up the fight to no longer take medication for my anxiety and depression. As much as I hate that I'm putting it in my body, if I didn't do something I surely would have died another way or continued to suffer mentally. Sorry if that's heavy but its true. Not everything in life is shiny and pretty.
For whatever reason I felt major pressure to find my purpose. I think I felt useless otherwise. Believe it or not, cam modeling has helped give me some purpose (or at least feel like it). Once my mental health started to make it nearly impossible to get on cam, I knew I couldn't just sit in this state any longer. My day job sucks so much out of me, I feel like that's holding me back too. Something in me can't help but think if I just quit and focused on cam, everything would be okay, or at least give me a chance to find something I like better. Its not worth it when it adds so much to me being unhappy and feeling like I'm wasting my life. The only thing scaring me in this situation are all the "what if?" thoughts. Trying to get a handle on those...
It's been about two weeks now since getting back on medication and I'm still finding my balance an trying to take care of myself. At the very least, I am able to get out of bed and do things I need and want to do. Now, I just have to stop being such a scared human. Scared of what I don't necessarily know but I do know that when I came to California two years ago all by myself, I was a lot more fearless then. I feel like I haven't been alive, like really alive, in such a long time. Something in me has to wake up. Again, how to make this happen I do not know. My best guess is trying to connect with things I like to do again and what makes me feel good.
After being away for a while I realized how much I missed this community. I feel like I've missed so much!
I have a new set coming out in just 5 days! So I'm glad I'm back in time for that. As for future sets, we shall see. I haven't shot anything SG related in a while but I know I definitely do miss shooting.
Tell me what all of you have been up to?! Get me up to speed. Except anything related to the state of the country just leave all of that out.
xxx,
JimiSin
