So many feels. Sat down to ask myself a lot of important life questions. Worse person to lie to is yourself.
I love the community I've become a part of and everything I'm doing. Sometimes I forget though that not everyone has intentions or a heart as honest as mine. Everyone has their own motive for being here. Trying to find those individuals who's wants align with mine.
I didn't join for money, modeling experience, Instagrams likes, whatever. I owed it to my 15 year old self to do this, because its something I've wanted for so long. Now that I am here, more things are becoming clear, some things are being brought to light, and some shit has just downright disappointed me.
Its interesting to see who you attract. What kind of people gravitate towards you. I pay attention to that a lot. Especially in this case, who follows me, comments, likes and whatnot. Even in the real world I tend to look at who people are surrounded by before I even meet them. What kind of people am I finding and what kind of people are finding me? Its cool to think all of these different lives that follow mine on here.
I've had a few upsets this week, which very well could just turn into plain ol realizations.
Not everyone is going to be as honest as you, or want the same things for the same reasons. Everyone has a motive. Getting caught up in the drama is so easy, being whisked into the center of things only to take a step outside yourself and realize you've become just like everyone else. Saving my heart for those who see me as a real human worthy of love with feelings. I refuse to be just another "like," "follow," or even just another woman who gets naked. I'm something different in my own way I'm just not fully sure what it is yet.
I've always put so much pressure on myself to have it together and know what I'm about. I'm 23 that's so unrealistic...
Now that I'm learning what that is though, I see so much being brought to light elsewhere. All you have to do is stop and listen. Everything comes to light eventually, good and bad. I stay true to MY wants and needs, enjoying the company of those exceptional and rare souls who's demons dance well with mine.
Basically fuck whatever shit is going on I'm worried about my own happiness.
xxx,
Jimi Sin
