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i havent been able to sleep this late in so long. it feels really good. i'm not sure whats going with today yet though. i really want to go do something. i feel like i've been jocking michael too much lately but its because i havent had me car and i have had nothing to do. i dont know though. sam and i are supposed...
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i don't know whats going on with me lately. i feel so indecisive. i want something that i dont have and i cant even place what that thing is. life is so different than i thought it was going to be and i dont like that. why has it been so dark and rainy out this entire week. it depresses me. actually it just makes...
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of course you did. of course you fucking went out and drank and you dont even fucking car how i feel. how hurt i am and how hard im trying not to cry in front of you because all you would say is that im being a fucking idiot and that i cry over eveything. i cry all the time because i constantly feel hurt...
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i don't understand why you can't just give up one fucking thing for me. one thing. you know how against drinking i am. you know and you tell me that you respect me for being sraight edge and i should respect you and not care but sorry, being straight edge is something that's respectful. getting drunk seriously makes me fucking lose respect. i'm sorry that...
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i had the fucking best day. mike and i went to kings island and had a blast. we only rode two rides and we still had a great time just talking and walking around. and we havent done that in a long time. we havent even had a decent time together. sometimes when he looks at me, its like i know he's just thinking about...
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i fucking hate this. i come home thinking "maybe mike will be here and we can actually go to sleep at the same time for fucking once" and when i get here, hes fucking gone. he's at billy's and he says he will be home in a little bit but that could mean hours and i would really love it if he would get up...
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ah. i get to go to the zoo today. i fucking love the zoo. when sam i went the last time, there was this fucking adorable monkey looking thing and i just wanted to take it home, i cant remember the name now. what was that thing called. well, anyway, it had huge eyes and was so cute.

sam and i at the zoo being...
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i cut my hair today, i really like it. i feel extremely beautiful. on the other hand, i don't feel wanted at all. i miss my friends. i miss screaming "faggot" out the car window. its so easy to be around them, i dont have to worry about being PC. i can say "nigger" and they know im not racist. they know me so well....
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