user02840824

Feeling disembodied...

I think limbo is worse than hell, since at least in hell, you tend to get some kind of closure/reasoning regarding some things in your life. I am so sick of nearly 2 weeks of, "we'll talk tomorrow," like our communication is trapped in some kind of digital loop, ad infinitum, ad nauseam.

I am so angry right now, that even on the extreme off-chance that he wants a relationship or friendship with benefits; I don't feel ready to put myself through an uncertain hell with someone who refuses to communicate.
While I usually put no stock in most age differences, I wonder if the fact that I am 15 years older than him is complicating things for him further?
If he would just at least acknowledge that it actually happened; that we actually had sex and that he deep throat facefucked me until I swallowed every drop; I wouldn't feel quite so used and pissed off.
I know he has had plenty of girlfriends and friends with benefits in recent times, but it was my first time in over 3 years, so I don't think he really has any understanding that it may have meant more to me because of the rarity.
If he was too drunk to remember, and to heed my, "drunken regrets," warning beforehand, I just wish he would fucking admit it! If it was a one-time-only booty call thing, then fine, just fucking say so! If he wanted a romantic/sexual relationship, or just friends with benefits, he should have just fucking told me! If he is afraid of hurting my feelings with his drunken regrets and/or amnesia, or wanting it to be a onetime thing maybe because he didn't enjoy it; he needs to get over that shit quick, because it's too late now. Whatever he says now, couldn't begin to hurt any worse than what my own tortured obsessive-compulsive imagination has managed to fixate onto during this interminable wait.

Annastasia