6/12 Share an experience from your past that helped shape you into the person you are today
I arrived on SG as this homework was proposed by @rambo .
I’d like to thank her for that because I found this topic really interesting because I think I’m TOTALLY SHAPED by past experiences. The kind that you learn to digest to become more… Solid. But at the moment I was in exploration on SG and I was less confident. I had no balls enough to tell personal stories. A few months later, here I am!.. Let’s go !
In brief, I had to change of highschool because of my clothing style when I was 13.
I know it can sound weird today because the society is more permissive with kids even if it stays tough when you got a personality in conflict with your circle of acquaintance.
This year I’ll turn 22 & I can assure you that in those time it was so difficult. (The changings between generations are going so fast !)
So I was in this highschool for the simple reason that it was the nearer from home. But it was also near a poor area, near a suburb city made up of yucky towers where the life is often rude. (Very big) major part of the population of my middle school lived over there. I shared my first years of highschool with lost kids. The violent ones who spent their days to bum around, by wearing hoodies and joggings, speaking about their big bros in jail.
I’ve grown up in the Parisians suburbs and it’s full of similar places.
I’ve got a quite personal look since the moment where I began to chose my own clothes. I arrived in this school –wich is a Education Priority Zone- with a flashy pink baggy and a Good Charlotte shirt. It was basically my everyday style at 11, either I wore Doc Martens with Scottish skirts
You can easlily guess how bad teens react when they are confronted to thing that they don’t understand (isn’t it proper to any beings in general ?)
I was involved in fitghts every months or every weeks, depended on periods.
They called me « The gothic, Satan, the witch »… (OK, I hypnotized some people in the playground once with friends, but it’s another story hahaha) I fact I liked (& it’s still the case) to be called a witch. First because it’s a lil true, but also because it’s a very strong female figure. The witch heals or kills, she’s solitary or evolving in a united community, she’s close to nature and related to magic….
We were approximatively 10 or 15 max who where in the punk/rock/metal/sk8 culture. It was easy for none of us.
In reaction to all this violence I stood with a group of dudes and began to act and dress like a boy. I understood fast that if you’re an outsider AND a girl who’s physically attractive (even only a little !) you only have the choice to be punched in the face or sexually harassed.
Being a boy was the best reaction I could adopt. Unfortunately even in my friend’s group the boys. The boys laughed at me and were a little bit nasty. I was " the girl " of the group. I as too kind and naive but I still was a dirty hothead. I didn’t liked to let people insult me without answering.
Today I feel so much better with my feminity. I even play with it sometimes. I wear mostly skirts and dresses, strasses, girly and kitsch things (check the little preview I made of my next set, you’ll understand !) I love big make up etc... But I still dress like a boy sometimes It’s so cool and comfy. Even in my behavior, I can be a… Fucking trucker. And it’s OK !
My third year in this hghschool was so horrible that my teachers gave an appointment to my parents (they noticed no-thing by themselves) to ask them to « get –me- out of this school ». Even if I had not always a good behavior, I had good results, and they saw my pain.
So I’ve been enrolled in a catholic private school wich looked like Hogwarts (seriously : the forest, the lake, the castle…)
There, I discovered another form of violence. Hypocrisy and violence. I learned once again that I’m a witch and further able to talk with trees ! Two little bitches wrote articles about me on their blogs saying that I’ve got Cyrano’s nose, that my titties where like Smarties… (Unfortunately for her, it doesn’t rimes in French !)
I was still a bit better though.
With years I became a rude weirdo, I could be so frank and short that my friends didn’t know what to do, how to react in conflict situations or when I felt bad (wich happened several times)
I balanced all of this. Today I really don’t care about the looks on me on the street and send disrespectful boys to fuck themelves.
I’m really a kind and empathic person according to those who know me. But they also kow tht I can bite if you act like a douche.
All those bad experiences made me stronger in social relationships, more confident with myself, and I’m less scared by people in general. I however have to recognize that I put years to work there above and to manage these wounds to transform them into strengths.
Oops, that’s a bit long… Hope you know me better thanks to this blog and that it wasn’t boring. Thanks to you if you read the entire text <(-'u'-)> <3
Love,
Hildegarde
Photos : J. EVRARD
