a revision to an earlier excerpt after some reflection.......
My fifth time outside of the wire and being that I have a HMMWV license, naturally I was chosen to be the driver for my squad in the outgoing convoy. Driving. Driving has always been one of lifes pleasures for me. Before the Marine Corps, I used to love the open road. It didnt matter where I was going, more often than not, it was nowhere in particular, but that wasnt the point. To me, it symbolized freedom. Pure freedom. For most people, the joy of driving fades a year or two after they turn 16 and get their license. After that stage, driving just becomes a part of life, a mere daily routine that is taken for granted. I dont know why, but for some reason it never wore off on me. One of the things I look forward to the most when I come home is hopping in the old V Dub Bus and driving, just for the fun of it. That being covered, I remember when I first got to the fleet and how excited I was when I found out that I was going to a special driving school to get my HUMVEE license. The prospect of driving the ultimate all-terrain vehicle in every different environment fathomable was quite the perk to being a Marine. Roughly two years have gone by now, and I have driven HUMVEES practicly everywhere. Countless field ops, too many to even keep track of, and every single time, there I was, driving. I have become extremely familiar with them because I have tested them and pushed them to virtually every limit possible. I know what it is capable of and what it is not. Two years have gone by. Every ounce of confidence that I have built up with these vehicles, I am most definately going to need here in Afghanistan. Now when I find myself behind the wheel, I find myself stressed out like never before. It is times like these when that extra $150 a month for hazardous duty pay just doesnt seem like enough. Now I find a culmination of factors that no training excercise could ever have prepared me for, every time I leave the gate. The roads here are no different than the rest of the country. Poor and unimproved. Winding, Narrow, Steep, every inch bumpy. This wouldnt be as bad, actually quite manageable if it werent for the fact that most of the time, on one side you have a mountain, and on the other, a steep cliff that drops off in excess of 80+ feet sometimes. I dont have to bring up that they dont believe in guard rails here like they do in the states. And if that isnt bad enough, there is the ever-present threat of IED's, mortars, RPGs, and small arms fire. Thats the nerve wrecking part of it all. The odds are not in our favor, the enemy is out there, weve seen them numerous times. You know that sooner or later, it is going to happen. But until it does, I just keep driving. You dont think about it, because if you did, eventually youll break down. Like the Deftones song, Be Quiet and Drive. Which is what I do. Studies have shown that people who play video games such as PS2 on a regular basis are proven to be more responsive drivers on the average. Its not just a statistic to me. Sometimes thats what i have to do, be in a video game, except there cannot be a game over. Not on my watch. Ill take the stress. I like to be in control of things, a master of my own destiny, call it what you want. After much thought, I have to have the attitude out here, that I am not only the most qualified and experienced driver, but Im also the best, and it is my responsibility to go out every time I am needed. Marines, each time, its a different group of Marines riding with me, but there is one thing that remains constant; their lives are in my hands. Sometimes Ill see it on their faces, that uncertainty in their eyes. Some might interpret it as fear. The very same way that I felt the first time I went out and had someone else driving me. If I am going to go, that is, if its my time to go, I want to go guns ablazing, not falling helplessly off the road into the rocky cliff below. Its just not my style. There is no room for error out here and second chances are rarely afforded. So until then, Ill take the stress. Ill Be Quiet and Drive.
My fifth time outside of the wire and being that I have a HMMWV license, naturally I was chosen to be the driver for my squad in the outgoing convoy. Driving. Driving has always been one of lifes pleasures for me. Before the Marine Corps, I used to love the open road. It didnt matter where I was going, more often than not, it was nowhere in particular, but that wasnt the point. To me, it symbolized freedom. Pure freedom. For most people, the joy of driving fades a year or two after they turn 16 and get their license. After that stage, driving just becomes a part of life, a mere daily routine that is taken for granted. I dont know why, but for some reason it never wore off on me. One of the things I look forward to the most when I come home is hopping in the old V Dub Bus and driving, just for the fun of it. That being covered, I remember when I first got to the fleet and how excited I was when I found out that I was going to a special driving school to get my HUMVEE license. The prospect of driving the ultimate all-terrain vehicle in every different environment fathomable was quite the perk to being a Marine. Roughly two years have gone by now, and I have driven HUMVEES practicly everywhere. Countless field ops, too many to even keep track of, and every single time, there I was, driving. I have become extremely familiar with them because I have tested them and pushed them to virtually every limit possible. I know what it is capable of and what it is not. Two years have gone by. Every ounce of confidence that I have built up with these vehicles, I am most definately going to need here in Afghanistan. Now when I find myself behind the wheel, I find myself stressed out like never before. It is times like these when that extra $150 a month for hazardous duty pay just doesnt seem like enough. Now I find a culmination of factors that no training excercise could ever have prepared me for, every time I leave the gate. The roads here are no different than the rest of the country. Poor and unimproved. Winding, Narrow, Steep, every inch bumpy. This wouldnt be as bad, actually quite manageable if it werent for the fact that most of the time, on one side you have a mountain, and on the other, a steep cliff that drops off in excess of 80+ feet sometimes. I dont have to bring up that they dont believe in guard rails here like they do in the states. And if that isnt bad enough, there is the ever-present threat of IED's, mortars, RPGs, and small arms fire. Thats the nerve wrecking part of it all. The odds are not in our favor, the enemy is out there, weve seen them numerous times. You know that sooner or later, it is going to happen. But until it does, I just keep driving. You dont think about it, because if you did, eventually youll break down. Like the Deftones song, Be Quiet and Drive. Which is what I do. Studies have shown that people who play video games such as PS2 on a regular basis are proven to be more responsive drivers on the average. Its not just a statistic to me. Sometimes thats what i have to do, be in a video game, except there cannot be a game over. Not on my watch. Ill take the stress. I like to be in control of things, a master of my own destiny, call it what you want. After much thought, I have to have the attitude out here, that I am not only the most qualified and experienced driver, but Im also the best, and it is my responsibility to go out every time I am needed. Marines, each time, its a different group of Marines riding with me, but there is one thing that remains constant; their lives are in my hands. Sometimes Ill see it on their faces, that uncertainty in their eyes. Some might interpret it as fear. The very same way that I felt the first time I went out and had someone else driving me. If I am going to go, that is, if its my time to go, I want to go guns ablazing, not falling helplessly off the road into the rocky cliff below. Its just not my style. There is no room for error out here and second chances are rarely afforded. So until then, Ill take the stress. Ill Be Quiet and Drive.
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
_sakura:
I really enjoyed that journal, so much so that I had to skip back and read the last few as well. (The dawgie is gawjus! How's he doing?) I've never really heard an Americans view on being over there, like pinup said; it's really interesting to read first hand. Good luck!
pinup:
Oh my gosh! Japanese kareoke!!!! Just the thought of that makes me want to go slit my wrists!!!! Thanks for the warning, if I ever go to Japan... 