[an open letter to osama bin laden]
well....i really do have to hand it to you....you are one hard guy to get ahold of. whats it been? 4 years? 5? but we both know that its been longer thanthat since there has been a price on your smelly little turban. what was it? back in 98 when you first took a stab at the twin towers? it does seem a long time ago, doesnt it? in fact, i was still in high school then. a different world, indeed. ive always wanted to ask you....which pissed you off more, the fact that the attempt
failed, or that it failed to hold the headlines longer than the weekend? anyways, thats not whats really important, is it? whats important is that you finally started thinking outside the box. exploit your enemy's weakness and use it against him. atta boy. sun tzu would be proud of you. aah, america, land of the free.
maybe you caught this in a magazine too osama, but i was reading somewhere that, on 9/11 one of the united airline ticket agents for flight number 175 saw ziad samir
jarrah boarding the terminal, right? and would you believe that she had the nasty little thought pop in her head to the effect of
"wow, that guy looks like a terrorist"
what a racist thought, huh? imagine the look on her face when she found out the flight was hijacked shortly thereafter. guess the joke was on her, eh? in fact, the joke was on all of us now that i think about it. see, i too used to struggle with those same thoughts. [i believe "racial profiling" is the
PC term that emerged out of all of this] but now, i dont so much as struggle with them anymore, they just flow freely. running rampant in my mind.
do you think that makes me a bad person, osama?
i have a small confession to make. your unabridged biography? countless news articles? classified intelligence reports? ive read them. hell, ive even sat through a documentary about you. not so much in an im-your-biggest-fan precursor, though. more of a morbid curiosity as to what makes such a-crazy-bastard-like-yourself-tick-context. see? youre not the only one who has learned a thing or two from sun tzu. know your enemy. in taking such a scholarly approach to your past, i have become enlightened in many things previously unbeknownst to me. and i think i might have gotten a handle on your original plans for the next 15 years or so.
indulge me for a moment, if you will. [and please feel free to interject with a rebuttal if i am way off the mark]
ever since boyhood, the demons that
danced inside your head have burdened it upon you that you should be the righteous martyr that will initiate the ever eternal jihad.
and so be it.
us western infidels have had it coming for some time, right? and what better a theatre for the showdown between good and evil than afghanistan? i mean, for centuries,
countless armies have been unable to conquer it. even the tremendously successful army of alexander the great was bogged down in mountain warfare for three years here,
trying in vain to occupy. and then theres the russians. ill bet they never even imagined the severity of the defeat they would suffer at the hands of mujahadeen peasants in the early 80's.
right. afghanistan it is.
and now that you have mangaged to evoke the scorn of an entire nation, we will soon be pouring over in droves, looking to settle a score. phase one complete. sure enough, by december of 2001 the skies of afghanistan were filled with blackhawk helos, streets full of armored HUMVEES, and mountains full of grunts. all precisely as calculated. except here is where your vision differs from reality. it takes a left where it should have gone right.
well shucks, im sure it seemed entirely plausible at the time that the islamic people would rise up like never before and the rivers would flow red with american blood the very minute that the marines stepped foot on afghani soil.
but why kid ourselves, osama? ive been here the better portion of half a year and it strikes me that these people care not about the holy land nor dying for your misguided cause. in fact, i have found them to be a decent people, disgruntled druglords aside, of course. mainly, theyre more concerned with preserving their simple way of life. surviving in a sense.
could it be that the entire time that you thought the fruit was ripe for the picking, that perhaps there was no fruit to begin with?
come on now, surely you did your homework on this one. you see, the difference between us and the russians can be boiled down to 3 simple words. hearts and minds. weve learned to fight smarter, not harder. no better friend, no worse enemy.
you strung me along osama....here i was, all ready for armageddon. and when i showed up in the tora bora mountains, your old neighborhood, you were nowhere to be found. i heard you found a nice spot, nestled away in pakistan somewhere. how is it over there? is the food any better? oh, i almost forgot, remember your old pal
? you know, your mountain guide that helped you elude those pesky coalition forces in 2002? we ran into him the other day....we hooked him up with an all-expenses paid vacation in a nice resort in cuba. guantanamo bay, if i remember correctly. good old gitmo. he sure does miss you.
and sadly, i must leave this country in a few short weeks. such a shame too, i was hoping we could have met during my short stay. but what the hell, theres always next time, right?
its been fun.
until then........
well....i really do have to hand it to you....you are one hard guy to get ahold of. whats it been? 4 years? 5? but we both know that its been longer thanthat since there has been a price on your smelly little turban. what was it? back in 98 when you first took a stab at the twin towers? it does seem a long time ago, doesnt it? in fact, i was still in high school then. a different world, indeed. ive always wanted to ask you....which pissed you off more, the fact that the attempt
failed, or that it failed to hold the headlines longer than the weekend? anyways, thats not whats really important, is it? whats important is that you finally started thinking outside the box. exploit your enemy's weakness and use it against him. atta boy. sun tzu would be proud of you. aah, america, land of the free.
maybe you caught this in a magazine too osama, but i was reading somewhere that, on 9/11 one of the united airline ticket agents for flight number 175 saw ziad samir
jarrah boarding the terminal, right? and would you believe that she had the nasty little thought pop in her head to the effect of
"wow, that guy looks like a terrorist"
what a racist thought, huh? imagine the look on her face when she found out the flight was hijacked shortly thereafter. guess the joke was on her, eh? in fact, the joke was on all of us now that i think about it. see, i too used to struggle with those same thoughts. [i believe "racial profiling" is the
PC term that emerged out of all of this] but now, i dont so much as struggle with them anymore, they just flow freely. running rampant in my mind.
do you think that makes me a bad person, osama?
i have a small confession to make. your unabridged biography? countless news articles? classified intelligence reports? ive read them. hell, ive even sat through a documentary about you. not so much in an im-your-biggest-fan precursor, though. more of a morbid curiosity as to what makes such a-crazy-bastard-like-yourself-tick-context. see? youre not the only one who has learned a thing or two from sun tzu. know your enemy. in taking such a scholarly approach to your past, i have become enlightened in many things previously unbeknownst to me. and i think i might have gotten a handle on your original plans for the next 15 years or so.
indulge me for a moment, if you will. [and please feel free to interject with a rebuttal if i am way off the mark]
ever since boyhood, the demons that
danced inside your head have burdened it upon you that you should be the righteous martyr that will initiate the ever eternal jihad.
and so be it.
us western infidels have had it coming for some time, right? and what better a theatre for the showdown between good and evil than afghanistan? i mean, for centuries,
countless armies have been unable to conquer it. even the tremendously successful army of alexander the great was bogged down in mountain warfare for three years here,
trying in vain to occupy. and then theres the russians. ill bet they never even imagined the severity of the defeat they would suffer at the hands of mujahadeen peasants in the early 80's.
right. afghanistan it is.
and now that you have mangaged to evoke the scorn of an entire nation, we will soon be pouring over in droves, looking to settle a score. phase one complete. sure enough, by december of 2001 the skies of afghanistan were filled with blackhawk helos, streets full of armored HUMVEES, and mountains full of grunts. all precisely as calculated. except here is where your vision differs from reality. it takes a left where it should have gone right.
well shucks, im sure it seemed entirely plausible at the time that the islamic people would rise up like never before and the rivers would flow red with american blood the very minute that the marines stepped foot on afghani soil.
but why kid ourselves, osama? ive been here the better portion of half a year and it strikes me that these people care not about the holy land nor dying for your misguided cause. in fact, i have found them to be a decent people, disgruntled druglords aside, of course. mainly, theyre more concerned with preserving their simple way of life. surviving in a sense.
could it be that the entire time that you thought the fruit was ripe for the picking, that perhaps there was no fruit to begin with?
come on now, surely you did your homework on this one. you see, the difference between us and the russians can be boiled down to 3 simple words. hearts and minds. weve learned to fight smarter, not harder. no better friend, no worse enemy.
you strung me along osama....here i was, all ready for armageddon. and when i showed up in the tora bora mountains, your old neighborhood, you were nowhere to be found. i heard you found a nice spot, nestled away in pakistan somewhere. how is it over there? is the food any better? oh, i almost forgot, remember your old pal
? you know, your mountain guide that helped you elude those pesky coalition forces in 2002? we ran into him the other day....we hooked him up with an all-expenses paid vacation in a nice resort in cuba. guantanamo bay, if i remember correctly. good old gitmo. he sure does miss you.
and sadly, i must leave this country in a few short weeks. such a shame too, i was hoping we could have met during my short stay. but what the hell, theres always next time, right?
its been fun.
until then........
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Kisses
Happy new year!