Although I'm agnostic, fate is something I still believe in. Not so much in that there's 'someone' up there pulling strings and controlling our destinies, but moreso as a label for the way things go in life. Ponder sometime about how every little thing you do in life can have an effect on so many others. Something so seemingly insignificant to you can ebb throughout the globe depending on those you do/don't come in contact with, and those that they come in contact with or don't, and so on...
It's the only way I can seem to deal with 'timing' being the controlling factor in all things. Being even seconds late or early to whatever destination you seek can be the difference in whether or not you meet that special someone, die in a car accident, or simply 'cause' nothing to happen at all, be it a the end of your journey or simply on its path.
Of course, the reason I'm dwelling on this tonight is because of a girl. I've met the first girl whom I feel can give me the will to love again since the last from now over two years ago. There have been a couple others I've been with, but no one I've felt this way about in a long time. The problem? Aside from my usual bouts with my own lack of self-confidence, she just got out of a messy relationship and I'm not about to try and push my feelings on her. One the one hand she could very well resent me for it since broken hearts take time to mend. On the other, we're fast becoming friends and I'm afraid that as a result we'll remain that way even when she's ready like so many I've befriended before her. I'm trying to come to terms with it simply not being 'meant to be' thanks a lot to god damned fate. Although I am slowly coming to grips with it, I'm still not happy about it.
I may not have found the evidence or just the faith I'm seeking to make me believe in a 'higher power', but I'm not about to tempt fate by cursing its name. Oops, I already did
I suppose if friends is all it's meant to be, I'll be thankful for the new friendship and the knowledge she's given me that I _can_ love again since it's been a concern of mine for so long.
It's the only way I can seem to deal with 'timing' being the controlling factor in all things. Being even seconds late or early to whatever destination you seek can be the difference in whether or not you meet that special someone, die in a car accident, or simply 'cause' nothing to happen at all, be it a the end of your journey or simply on its path.
Of course, the reason I'm dwelling on this tonight is because of a girl. I've met the first girl whom I feel can give me the will to love again since the last from now over two years ago. There have been a couple others I've been with, but no one I've felt this way about in a long time. The problem? Aside from my usual bouts with my own lack of self-confidence, she just got out of a messy relationship and I'm not about to try and push my feelings on her. One the one hand she could very well resent me for it since broken hearts take time to mend. On the other, we're fast becoming friends and I'm afraid that as a result we'll remain that way even when she's ready like so many I've befriended before her. I'm trying to come to terms with it simply not being 'meant to be' thanks a lot to god damned fate. Although I am slowly coming to grips with it, I'm still not happy about it.
I may not have found the evidence or just the faith I'm seeking to make me believe in a 'higher power', but I'm not about to tempt fate by cursing its name. Oops, I already did
I suppose if friends is all it's meant to be, I'll be thankful for the new friendship and the knowledge she's given me that I _can_ love again since it's been a concern of mine for so long.
take care,
marlo