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I just cant figure mysel out. What in the fuck do I want out of my life? I feel like a dog chasing its own tail, going in circles and getting really really dizzy...maybe somone should put me out of my misery. I was so looking forward to a free and easy summer with nothing to do but lay on the beach and search the woods and flowers for hidden faries...Now I find myself bored out of my mind and wishing I had two jobs to keep me from going crazy. I have been sowhat looking for a job and I have not found much. I find my thoughts drifitng and wishing of moving. I long to live somewhere else but I feel like I could not do that to my son. He would be very lonley with out his father...and he is blessed to have a good one.

I am probably just bored...I am finding out that bordem leads to laziness....I used to work hard to get everything done b/c I knew I had too....now I just put everything off because I have all the time in the world. I am running out of money so I need to do something...make some decisions....I just dont know where to start...I do know this..I am not very happy with my current job situation, living situation and a few other things so it is time to make some changes.

I just did get back from a great camping trip. My little man and my big one had a great time. I ran around the forest naked, swam like a fish and felt 16 again...and that felt really good.

My little mn turns 9 on Tuesday...he seems so big to me now.