unrestrained

Wow, it's been over a month since my last update.

One would think I've been busy. They wouldn't necesarrily be correct. I've been basking in the realm of slacking lately. I don't know that I'm getting lazy, but I'd like to think I've been living at a slower pace, and cutting out the little things that I don't need to do for more time to spend with myself and grow as an individual. I'm still continuing to see my wonderful girlfriend, whose hair I have rebirthed into a beautiful mohawk. She wanted to shave her head entirely, but I talked her into doing the hawk 1st, and she's loving it. I'm still eagerly anticipating the total shaving of the head however. She pulls it all off so well.

I went to a palm analysist with her earlier today, and watched as she got her hands read. It was very interesting and I'm looking forward to my reading. I'm not really one to buy into these sorts of things, but you never know when someone might accidentally say the thing you've been needing to hear. As kind of a "sneak preview" for me, the woman told me I have "Philosophers hands." After she said that, I was wishing I could get my reading done then and there. I've never really come out with it much, but I've always seen myself in that sort of role. Not that I've studied Philosophy at great lengths or anything, but I've always seemed to have a knack for insight and truly enjoy pondering over some of the grayer areas of life. Maybe that's why I've been lazy lately, cause mentally I'm going a lot more than my body lets on. Maybe I'm just fucking with myself. Who knows.

I watched Clerks again about a week ago in anticipation of Clerks II, and also because my younger counterpart had never seen it. I hadn't watched the movie in a couple of years and it was almost a little disturbing how much I identified with Randall Graves. Admittedly, I have spit water in a customers face, but I've been just as rude and crass to many a guest as he has. This loops back into the philosophy thing coincidentally, as Randall seems to always be the one with his head on straight(?) and seeks reason into his state of mind after watching the Death Star being blown up the second time.

I've come to the conclusion lately that the only reason I have power as a waiter (and in other things) is that I apparantly am a very charismatic person in most peoples eyes. Admittedly, I have days on and days off just like everyone but I've noticed a trend that wherever I go and whatever I do, people take notice. I'm not saying that every time I walk out the door I have 12 apostles walking with me or anything, but I seem to always have an audience. This folds back to the philosophy thing as well, as my charisma allows me to make people open to ideas and suggestions. This also goes hand in hand with the "laziness" thing I go through, in which I truly enjoy my personal space and time alone due to the fact that every time I am around a group of people I seem to be expected of, and need to retreat from social scenarios in order to find peace.

Hopefully in the next few days I'll be able to come to some sort of answer for all these questions, or at least a little more insight into the reasons I am the way I am. Not that I want to change it, but simply to better understand myself. Or maybe I'll just piss the time away doing something mundane in the privacy of my own four walls. I guess I'll have to wait and find out.